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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have liked MIL

45 replies

Feellikescrooge · 01/01/2015 06:50

My MIL died yesterday. She was a warm, loving and kind woman whom my DC and I will miss enormously. During the mad times when we had three under 4 she kept us sane and fed. She was the best cook I have ever met and fortunately shared the secrets of her success. She suffered terrible loss widowed in her early 60's and her only son's death nearly 4 years ago but her focus was always on others. She never interfered, she helped. She was also very, very funny and a rabid socialist, probably the only one in the village! To people who didn't know her she was just an ordinary woman, to people who were lucky enough to be close to her she was amazing!

OP posts:

KittieCat · 01/01/2015 06:54

Sorry for your loss but seeing such a positive post about a MIL on MN is great. Just sorry it wasn't in happier circumstances for you.

CSIGingerbread · 01/01/2015 06:55

Didn't want to read and run. I think the lady you're describing sounds wonderful and it shows what a fantastic relationship you had with her. Am so sorry for your loss.

Original poster

Feellikescrooge · 01/01/2015 07:00

Yes but it was a good death, she was 87 and had just started to show signs of dementia. She was found by her neighbour who had popped in for a cuppa in her armchair by the fire with her cat on her lap. I just think that for every difficult MIL there must be loads like mine.

OP posts:

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 01/01/2015 07:00

She sounds like the MIL I would like to be one day. And like the MIL I am blessed to have! What a lovely tribute.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 01/01/2015 07:02

She sounds wonderful. So sorry that she's gone

Am I right in reading between the lines that you were widowed 4 years ago as well then? Must be a double loss for you if so. xx

IAmAllImportant · 01/01/2015 07:06

So sorry for your loss! She does sound lovely.

Snugglepiggy · 01/01/2015 07:08

So sorry for your loss and I can identify.I loved my MIL too and miss her terribly.She died last year,as did my father in law and although we were from different sides of he political spectrum and had many differences of opinion she too was a lovely warm,kind and non-judgemental woman.As a grandma she was wonderful.Just the right balance of being helpfulness ,but busy with her own life and hobbies -and non- judgemental.Twice we lived with our in -laws whilst various houses were being gutted -their idea- once before we had DCs and again with a baby and a toddler and they were happy times.I have very fond memories of her and miss her smile.I am lucky to have a pretty amazing mum in her 90s still living ,although getting frailer,but in many ways my relationship with my MIL was less complicated and more relaxed.Which I realise from threads on here is not the norm !
Her only son was your DH ?if so you both have had to be strong ,and you must feel her loss even more.

KittieCat · 01/01/2015 07:09

Sounds like how'd I'd want to go, peacefully and owned by a cat!

Jenijena · 01/01/2015 07:10

May she rest in peace.

She sounds lovely, and had that thing to which many aspire: 'a good death'.

ninetynineonehundred · 01/01/2015 07:11

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like a beautiful lady who brought a lot of joy into your life.
What a lovely post.

Mogz · 01/01/2015 07:15

So very sorry for your loss, may she live on in your fond memories.
My MIL is also quite the star, in fact, my step MIL is rather great too, I am doubly blessed and very thankful.

PuppyMummy · 01/01/2015 08:27

I loved my Mil. She also passed away suddenly a couple of yrs ago.
She was a lovely,kind person despite being in pain from ailments.

Im very sad that my Ds, 6 months, won't meet his Nana, nor will she see our wedding this year.

Andrewofgg · 01/01/2015 08:31

Sorry for your loss. You were lucky kin her and for all her sad losses she was lucky in you.

weebarra · 01/01/2015 08:33

I'm sorry for your loss, she sounds great. My MIL is wonderful too, those of us with good ones are very lucky.

sweetkitty · 01/01/2015 08:34

My MIL died very suddenly 5 years ago and I still miss her every day, she was only 62 just starting retirement and had loads of plans.

She never got to know about or see her only grandson, I miss phoning her up and just having a chat x

Sorry for your loss x

RubySparks · 01/01/2015 08:37

She sounds like my MIL, she died in early December, also at 87 and just passed away in the evening sitting in her chair. So quite peaceful. She had dementia too but before that was a great granny to my DCs and always spoiling them, especially at Christmas.

ithoughtofitfirst · 01/01/2015 09:02

That's so sad OP. Sounds like she will be missed terribly.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/01/2015 09:07

My MIL is wonderful too, one of my favourite people. Very supportive and kind.

Sorry for your loss

ohtheholidays · 01/01/2015 09:38

I'm so sorry for your loss.I lost my completely nuts(just like her Daughter ) and wonderful Mum in April.My DH was really close to my Mum as well,his MIL.He grieved as much as I did.My Mum adored my husband she always called him her son(I have two brothers so it wasn't because she had no sons)and he told me after she passed that he felt like he'd lost his Mum too,which broke my heart for him.

I am so glad and feel immensely lucky that they really loved each other and considered each other not only family but friends also.

My ex husband also loved my Mum and he came to her funeral as well.
I'll always hold dear to my heart how many people turned up to say goodbye to my Mum and how highly everyone talked about her.

I really wish my MIL was like my Mum,my poor DH isn't very close to his Mum neither.But his Nan is amazing,she's really loving like my Mum was so were both very grateful for her.she lives along way from us but we go and visit her and keep in contact on the phone and by email.

Only1scoop · 01/01/2015 09:44

So sorry Op she sounds lovely ....you will all miss her dearly....such lovely memories.

spongebobmum · 01/01/2015 09:57

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mil is also lovely, I'm blessed to have her and consider her a close friend. You're lucky to have had that kind of relationship with your mil, esp when we see so many mil horror stories on mn

winewolfhowls · 01/01/2015 11:42

So sorry for your loss your mil sounds fab. Love the bit about the only socialist in the village she must have had a quirky character. Mine is kind hearted but a bit 'too much' iykwim but when i see her today i will appreciate all her good points as your post has reminded me to be more grateful for what i have.

ForalltheSaints · 01/01/2015 11:47

RIP.

Although we often read on MN about the unreasonable and difficult MIL there are many good ones, and I hoep you can continue to remember all the good things about her and the good times you shared. As well as a lovely MIL she was also a grandmother and so your children I am sure will also mourn her but hopefully like you feel better for having had her in their lives.

JustSpeakSense · 01/01/2015 11:52

I'm so sorry for your loss

She sounds like the MIL I hope to be one day!

I'm sure she knew how loved and appreciated she was by you Op

RiverTam · 01/01/2015 11:53

she sounds like a wonderful woman, I'm so sorry for your loss. My MIL is lovely too, we don't see her much as she lives quite far away but if I was going to move to be closer to any of the GPs it would be to be near her.

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