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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So I just offered to babysit for my friend and her DH

34 replies

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:09

so they could go out for a night, in which they could do anything ie. go for dinner / movie / or just one drink in a pub. He said "no". This was a "no" according to my friend, his wife, because he is just not interested in going out at night with her…

For the sake of completeness, there are no money issues (they can easily afford a drink), he has a stressful but not too demanding job. He plays football with his mates twice a week. I am also considered a trustworthy friend so it is not a concern with me babysitting as I look after their children during the day sometimes (they are aged 3 and 1).

I just don't get it….. is it me being unreasonable??? Or his position perfectly normal?? My DF raised her eyebrows when he said "No" but didn't contradict…I would go hopping mad if I could go out with my DH and he said no….

thoughts??

OP posts:

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 31/12/2014 19:13

You'd know better than us if there are underlying issues with your friend and her DH.
YANBU, it was very kind of you to offer.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:15

That's the thing - i don't think there are any underlying issues. At least I didn't until he said "no". I never had him down as a misery….
Hence why I am asking, do happy people turn down opportunities to go out???

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 31/12/2014 19:15

Well it's a bit last minute maybe he just isn't in the mood to go out

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:16

It wasn't for tonight, this was a generic offer for the next week/month??

OP posts:

mynewpassion · 31/12/2014 19:17

Maybe he just a fancy a night in and nothing to do with you.

Titsalinabumsquash · 31/12/2014 19:17

I often turn down the chance to go out, it's usually because I'm shattered and I'd much rather curl up on the sofa with DP than venture into to cold to the cinema/restaurant etc.

Sallystyle · 31/12/2014 19:19

Did you offer for tonight or any night?

I don't like going out and neither does my husband. We love going out once a week-fortnight for a meal during the day but if someone offered to babysit so we could go out for the evening we would probably decline as well.

I would just rather be at home in the warm in my pjs.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 31/12/2014 19:20

Maybe he thinks he already spends enough time away from the kids, maybe he is tired, maybe he doesn't like going out, maybe lots of things. If you are acting like their marriage must be in trouble because he doesn't want you to babysit maybe he finds you irritating. If one of our friends offered to babysit so we could go out and one of us said no I'd be quite irritated if they told people our marriage must be in trouble.

Mammanat222 · 31/12/2014 19:20

Maybe you just caught him at a bad time?

WiseKneeHair · 31/12/2014 19:20

I think it's odd. If this were my DH, I would be quite upset that he didn't want to go out with me.

Btw, if you are free a week on Friday, you could babysit for me. My DH won't say no.

EMS23 · 31/12/2014 19:20

That would be my DH's reaction. He isn't all that keen on going out without the kids. Drives me mad. I think he's a martyr to parenthood!
Once or twice a year I organise a babysitter and force him to go out with me and we always have a nice time but the next time I raise it, it's back to 'no, don't want to'.

You were lovely to offer but I suspect it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

cardibach · 31/12/2014 19:20

I might turn down a specific night out if I didn't fancy it, but a generic 'sometime next month' ? No, that's odd. YANBU OP.

Bananayellow · 31/12/2014 19:21

Just say, then great. I'll take friend out instead. You don't mind do you?

How does the friend really feel about it. Does she take it personally, or is it just him generally and no reflection on her or their relationship? The difference is crucial.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:21

It was for any night U2. That's good to hear that people would happily say no. I was just a bit confused as i genuinely thought given a bit of free babysitting they would love it (i am very spoiled and have lots of family close by who love to babysit, whereas they don't).

OP posts:

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:23

I don't think their marriage is in trouble…i was just looking for reasons why someone would say "no". Anyway, am off to pick up chinese takeaway for our exciting new year…

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 31/12/2014 19:23

I love going out during the day but come the evening time I much prefer to be at home.

However, if someone offered and I knew my husband would want to go I would make the effort and say yes and he would do the same for me.

MarjorieMelon · 31/12/2014 19:24

If your friend said that he is not interested in going out with her it would suggest there is a problem, your friend sounds miffed if that was her response.

To give him the benefit of doubt perhaps he just doesn't want to go out tonight. I can't think of anything worse than going out on NYE.

Somemothers · 31/12/2014 19:25

I could of gone out tonight no thanks I been up since 5 with the baby

bobbyjoe · 31/12/2014 19:25

If it was to go out tonight, new year's eve, then it would be a no, thanks from me too - it'll be torture tonight with nothing booked. Even with something booked.

ghostspirit · 31/12/2014 19:27

why dont you and your friend go out for the evening. if he dont want to. bit selfish of him not to ask his partner though she may have been dying to get out

Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 19:27

Im another one that likes to hibernate during the winter. Did he just say "no" in an offish manner or was he politely turning you down?

What about asking your friend if she wants to go out with YOU instead.

Tinks42 · 31/12/2014 19:30

Oh and im already in my jammys all on my own and having a lovely evening. Friends have been on the phone insisting I get my glad rags on and join them... NO!

IAmAllImportant · 31/12/2014 19:33

We get invited out as a couple and DP usually tells me to go alone and he will stay home with the DC. I am definitely more sociable than he is. e is happy to stay at home with a few beers and the PS3. It works out cheaper, saves on bar drinks for him and the cost of a babysitter and also a taxi one way as he usually drops me off.

Nothing wrong with our relationship, we rub along nicely together and there is also enough passion and caring after 10 years for us to be happy.

We are just different.

Maybe suggest you go out with your friend instead. She might like that.

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:34

I totally get the pjs thing... I love a good night in. But because of lack of options they have few opportunities of a night out. However, given he said no, will just plan a fab night out for me and my friend instead!

OP posts:

Original poster

Beautifulbabyboy · 31/12/2014 19:36

That's nice to hear iamallimportant and I think that is what I was looking to hear, so thanks. I like my friend and I don't want to think of her DH as a misery.

OP posts:

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