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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my niece and her partner are too immature?

144 replies

Kathryn114 · 29/12/2014 20:34

My neice and her boyfriend are 24, and they have a 3 year old daughter (my great niece). They are lovely people, my niece is a care assistant in a residential care home for the elderly, voted "favourite carer" by the residents and staff, and her boyfriend is a gardner.

But they are so, so childish. They both sound like children talking iyswim. My niece always has been childish, but she still dresses very bizarrely (loads of bright colours that clash, plastic jewellery, hair dyed lilac in bunches), she gets excited about everything and is always clapping her hands, dancing, I just feel uncomfortable watching! And her boyfriend only talks to her and his daughter, he has barely uttered a word to me! He also acts immaturely and gets excited about everything, and has tattoos of cartoon mermaids and kings and queens all up his arms Hmm

The other day we visited them (we live 3 hours away) and when we arrived all 3 of them were sat around a plastic table in the lounge colouring. No adult conversation going on, whenever we asked them anything it was always a quick answer. My niece kept coming up with strange conversations too, such as "Maybe the earth is flat and astronauts are lying to us!" Their lounge decor was very strange as well, they both seem to have this obsession with the ocean and so the walls were full of pictures of sharks, dolphins and jellyfish, as well the many tanks of fish they have. When we went out for a walk, all 3 of them were running riot and barging into people and we had to keep apologising to people for them. Confused

AIBU to be annoyed with their parenting? It is more like three 3 year olds are living together! I am worried about my great niece's development because her parents seem to be stuck in childhood mode. My husband tells me to just leave them be, but it all just seems rather strange to me. They are lovely in their own ways, but I can't help being annoyed with them at the same time!

OP posts:
2015 · 30/12/2014 01:06

Colouring books for adults are the in thing apparently - I heard it on the radio the other day and I'm pretty sure it was Radio 4 so it must be true.

OP, they sound a bit irritating for ignoring you and bumping into people but otherwise they sound nice.

My Mum has pink and purple hair and she is 75 -and she isn't an artist or clothes designer

opalstones · 30/12/2014 01:12

They sound really happy!

opalstones · 30/12/2014 01:13

Adult colouring book: www.amazon.co.uk/The-Big-Coloring-Book-Vaginas/dp/B000R0HU92

-helpful-

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 30/12/2014 01:20

Another 'post & run'. MNHQ must be exhausted tonight.

musicalendorphins2 · 30/12/2014 04:55

You judge them on their fashion choices, (quite normal for creative young people of their age) and because they have delight in the world? Their kid is obviously being educated, what 3 year old come up with what if they world is flat? I'll tell you, a bright child being raised to think, many may not even realize the earth is a globe shape at 3.

musicalendorphins2 · 30/12/2014 05:04

Just reread your first post, and realized it is your dn who asks what if the world is flat, not the 3 yr old. She is only making fun conversation and challenging her dc's thinking. She is entertaining her child. You have nothing to worry about. .

HolaCaracola · 30/12/2014 05:22

They sound fantastic. She's excellent at her job, so that's adult enough. Seems like they are doing a lot of stuff right that is great for their child's development. Sitting around a table colouring with her is giving her their full attention, doing something together as a family, developing fine motor skills, and creative imaginitive skills... using her imagination. This is all the stuff my boy's school encourage us to do. I'd say leave them alone. They are doing well. Better than the vast majority of us.

CheerfulYank · 30/12/2014 05:39

I color with the DC all the time!

Exactly what Massa said really...their bounciness may be annoying but they sound like good parents (and good employees) so there you go.

WilburIsSomePig · 30/12/2014 07:24

I think they sound great. You sound like an old bore, leave them be. (I am old by the way, just not a bore).

TheLastThneed · 30/12/2014 07:37
Confused
KarmaViolet · 30/12/2014 07:57

They sound awesome and I want them to be my friends Grin

It sounds from the description as though they are either into the Manic Pixie Dream Girl stuff or they're into kawaii, or both. Loads of people their age are, and still hold down responsible jobs, they're perhaps unusual among that demographic for having a child but I'm sure they're fantastic parents. The worst that's likely to happen is that the niece insists her mother wear a hat to parents evening when she's thirteen.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 30/12/2014 08:07

YANBU about the bumping into people.

But with everything else YABVU! They sound like fun, loving, creative parents. Their DD will probably grow up confident and happy.

I can't stand the idea that people should all be the same.

Really struggling to see what is wrong with colouring and having imaginative, hypothetical conversations with a 3yo. How terribly damaging eh Hmm

daisychain01 · 30/12/2014 09:52

Sadly we are conditioned to believe that, the minute we are grown up with a mortgage or rent to pay, DCs etc, that's it as far as imagination is concerned. Out with the dreams and enjoyment of the "what if" and in with the reality and grind, the mundane drudgery of bills and real world.

Even in schools DCs are only allowed to let their imagination run wild until they get into the boundaries and restrictions of exams

So it sounds like your DNiece and family have decided not to let this stop them from living in the world they have created for themselves. In the end, if it prevents them from coping with the mundane (which is a necessary evil, I guess) then I suppose they will come to that conclusion themselves.

Otherwise they are living under their own terms, and even if it 'goes against the grain' of how we are conditioned in 21st century, well so what?

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 10:07

YABU

Idontseeanysontarans · 30/12/2014 10:23

My uncle was a goth when I was growing up - he was in my childlike opinion the coolest bloke ever. His house was decorated in black, gold and silver with glow in the dark stickers all over the ceilings, a whole wall in the kitchen for drawing and painting on and dressed in head to toe black apart from his socks. He also had a very responsible job helping people through difficult times and was considered to be very good at it. 20 years on he's still the same even though he's retired and still the cool uncle (and stepdad/grandad).
YABVU, they talk to their child, engage in activities, talk about daft stuff - do you always talk about sensible things? Me and DH have some wild conversations at times, doesn't everyone?
Growing up doesn't have to mean losing a sense of fun and wonder at the world.

Coconutty · 30/12/2014 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisychain01 · 30/12/2014 10:36

I wish I had an uncle like that, idontsee.

Pipbin · 30/12/2014 10:49

So someone whose house looks like it came from the pages of the Next catalogue complete with sticks in jars and letters spelling out love is a good parent? Phone social services and let them know.

Mountainygirl · 30/12/2014 11:00

They sound fabulous :)

Completely bonkers, but what good fun. They both clearly work hard, are supporting themselves and their daughter, love each other, have lots of fun, are good at their jobs...what's the problem exactly?

I wish I knew them!

Viviennemary · 30/12/2014 11:07

YABU. If the child is properly cared for that's the important thing.

WoodliceCollection · 30/12/2014 11:17

OP, can I just check, you're complaining that a couple of young parents are doing colouring with their toddler daughter and engaging in imaginative play with her, plus have eccentric home furnishings? Is that the extent of your problem with this family?

Since your niece is holding down (and by the sound of it excelling in) one of the most responsible jobs possible, she clearly isn't 'immature' by normal definitions.

Would you rather they sat the child in front of the telly and racked up some credit card debt on heavy drinking instead?

WTF?

Royalsighness · 30/12/2014 11:32

YABU and really need to mind your own business, they sound amazing and you sound jealous.

youlookbeautifultonight · 30/12/2014 12:44

I don't see why you felt the need to mention their age? It sounds like you are judging them for having a child relatively young and you are justifying it by what you have said about them in your post. If they were in their 30's would you have posted this? Probably not.

Idontseeanysontarans · 30/12/2014 12:56

Had anyone clicked on that link that I opalstones put up? Have a look at what customers also bought... GrinGrin

EddieStobbart · 30/12/2014 13:01

Did they actually bump into people or were you just so busy tutting at them you perceived their behaviour as a nuisance to everyone?

If your niece was spray tanned orange with dip dyed hair, eye brows plucked out and drawn back in and covered in jewellery from Pandora, would that have been ok? Same actions, different colours, less conformity - what is so bad?

What exactly are you planning on saying to them?