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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my niece and her partner are too immature?

144 replies

Kathryn114 · 29/12/2014 20:34

My neice and her boyfriend are 24, and they have a 3 year old daughter (my great niece). They are lovely people, my niece is a care assistant in a residential care home for the elderly, voted "favourite carer" by the residents and staff, and her boyfriend is a gardner.

But they are so, so childish. They both sound like children talking iyswim. My niece always has been childish, but she still dresses very bizarrely (loads of bright colours that clash, plastic jewellery, hair dyed lilac in bunches), she gets excited about everything and is always clapping her hands, dancing, I just feel uncomfortable watching! And her boyfriend only talks to her and his daughter, he has barely uttered a word to me! He also acts immaturely and gets excited about everything, and has tattoos of cartoon mermaids and kings and queens all up his arms Hmm

The other day we visited them (we live 3 hours away) and when we arrived all 3 of them were sat around a plastic table in the lounge colouring. No adult conversation going on, whenever we asked them anything it was always a quick answer. My niece kept coming up with strange conversations too, such as "Maybe the earth is flat and astronauts are lying to us!" Their lounge decor was very strange as well, they both seem to have this obsession with the ocean and so the walls were full of pictures of sharks, dolphins and jellyfish, as well the many tanks of fish they have. When we went out for a walk, all 3 of them were running riot and barging into people and we had to keep apologising to people for them. Confused

AIBU to be annoyed with their parenting? It is more like three 3 year olds are living together! I am worried about my great niece's development because her parents seem to be stuck in childhood mode. My husband tells me to just leave them be, but it all just seems rather strange to me. They are lovely in their own ways, but I can't help being annoyed with them at the same time!

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 29/12/2014 21:18

Missed the comma there! It's me who wears the pyjamas, not ds. Total grammar failBlush

ispentitwithyou · 29/12/2014 21:19

Ok so....

They are lovely people....

Both have full time jobs in a field they are liked/respected in...

They are a two parent family bringing up a child...

They encourage their child to use her imagination and give her lots of fun free play time with the undivided attention of both parents...

And you're concerned?

ODFO

joanne1947 · 29/12/2014 21:21

ilovesooty asked me who mentioned anyone elderly? I am guilty of assuming that a great aunt is elderly. I am wrong to assume and apologise but I stand by the rest of my post.

TheWordFactory · 29/12/2014 21:23

Well I personally wouldn't wish to spend any extended periods of time with them, but I'm sure they're perfectly decent parents .

Brandysnapper · 29/12/2014 21:24

I'm a great aunt and I am in my early forties.

They sound like really annoying milkshake presenters.

avocadotoast · 29/12/2014 21:29

Aw, this can't be real, surely? I'm 26 and they sound pretty normal to me Grin

ASAS · 29/12/2014 21:29

Ha ha. They were colouring in? Do the police know? I honestly feel sorry for your niece, surely she's in a no win situation with you.

mytartanscarf · 29/12/2014 21:30

The DD will probably end up like Saffron from AbFab though Grin

I think the ocean thing sounds amazing

divingoffthebalcony · 29/12/2014 21:32

They sound kooky.

I agree there's a fine line between endearingly quirky and bloody annoying.

TendonQueen · 29/12/2014 21:33

If your niece is considered an excellent care home assistant I would guess she is lively, resourceful, cheerful, loving and caring. Just the qualities you want in a parent, and in the world generally, come to that. Who cares what they have on the walls of their living room?

dietcokeandwine · 29/12/2014 21:35

When I read your OP I thought your post would be all about neglecting their child, getting into debt, abusing drink/drugs or some other kind of disordered behaviour.

Not being a bit bouncy and wacky and wearing plastic jewellery and doing colouring in.

Aside from the bumping into other people, which would annoy me too, they sound pretty damn lovely to me. And your niece is clearly a good and well liked, respected carer. Given the shortage of decent carers in this country she should be cloned, quite frankly. Purple bunches and all.

andsmileimontherightpath · 29/12/2014 21:38

I want them to come to my house and do some colouring in with my DD

ilovesooty · 29/12/2014 21:40

Fair enough joanne1947

I agree with the rest of your post too.

IceniMist · 29/12/2014 21:43

I spent years bonding with my stepchildren by talking utter crap. I still do it now with them. They are over 18 and I'm in my 30s.

MassaAttack · 29/12/2014 21:47

As long as they're able to be serious about actual serious stuff as and when required (their child's health, her education etc) I fail to see the problem.

Their bounciness would probably get on my tits however, I'll grant you that op.

kali110 · 29/12/2014 21:47

Yabu very.

WineWineWine · 29/12/2014 21:49

They sound like wonderful parents. I'm sure their daughter will benefit hugely from their care.
Were they really barging into people? Really?

You sound rude and judgemental and incredibly dull.

Titsalinabumsquash · 29/12/2014 21:55

Everyone knows colouring and bright, pictures on the walls are gateway crimes, no doubt they'll be dabbling in funfairs and cartoons next! Shock

Seriously, the child is fed, healthy, warm, clothed, clean, developing as normal?

Then she has a better life than some kids in this country and a damn better one that a lot of kids in other countries, I'd grab yourself a grip and get over it tbh.

Fairylea · 29/12/2014 21:58

Yabu. I bet you can hardly move with your judgey pants so high Grin

How boring would it be if we were all the same.

SistersOfPercy · 30/12/2014 00:25

Hmmm. I managed to raise a couple of well rounded kids and ive had multicolored hair and worn my fair share of plastic tat. I have facial piercings as well which probably makes me the very worst mother ever.
As I type im in bed in my batman pajamas. I'm 41.

I hadn't realised parenthood meant I should immediately Bob my hair and take up knitting, i do apologise. Perhaps when hell freezes over I'll rectify that just for you.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 30/12/2014 00:46

Immature 45 year old here who happily dances around with my 3 year old, I also sit down and do colouring with her I may even once have answered the door wearing a plastic tiara. No intention of growing up anytime soon Xmas Grin

TooHasty · 30/12/2014 00:51

So may children are brought up in a household of stress, hostility sadness.Your DGN is so lucky to live in such a warm happy loving environment in these formative years.the benefits will last a lifetime.

m0therofdragons · 30/12/2014 00:53

I love sitting and colouring with dc. I'm fairly sensible so I'm nothing like your niece but I bet your great niece has lots of fun. Maybe they feel uncomfortable around your judgmental behaviour so her dp doesn't speak to you?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 30/12/2014 00:54

Erm….I have an adult colouring book. Didn't realise that made me childish Hmm

Hamuketsu · 30/12/2014 00:58

It takes all sorts. I think they sound like enthusiastic young people who treat their daughter well.

(On point of age, I've been a great-aunt since I was 23, and am now a great-great-aunt at 45.)