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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD1 wants to go travelling alone

97 replies

eburton4 · 29/12/2014 19:42

She is the eldest of 4, will be 18 in Feb and has just told me that she wants to go interrailing around Europe for about a month after she has finished her A-levels in the summer. She plans to travel alone for most or all of the journey. I've made it clear that I wouldn't be happy with this (in particular because she has rarely travelled independently before) but of course she's playing the 'I'll-be-an-adult-then' card. AIBU and if not, how can I prevent her from going? She's said that she will pay for the whole trip herself

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 29/12/2014 19:45

You can't if she's an adult and she's paying for it herself. Why would you want to stop her? what are you afraid of?

Don't tell her she can't go, tell her what you are worried about. Let her think it through for herself.

Inter railing round Europe doesn't sound that bad - it could be SO much worse...

WilsonWilsonWoman · 29/12/2014 19:47

You have to step aside and support her decision.

Bailey101 · 29/12/2014 19:47

Unless there's a specific reason why she shouldn't go, it's a great idea! Loads of kids do it (I was much further from home at her age) and most have a blast. As she says, she'll be an adult and will do it with or without your blessing - better you're involved in the planning and know where she'll be and when, then her buggering off and not telling you anything.

theeternalstudent · 29/12/2014 19:48

What a fantastic adventure for her. She will have an amazing time. I do understand why you will worry about her, however she will be an adult and you can't stop her. You just have to trust that you have taught her well, and that she knows how to keep safe whilst having fun.

I wish I could go inter railing around summer

ohdearitshappeningtome · 29/12/2014 19:48

You do know at 18 she can go off, get married,live in her own house, have babies, get a mortgage all without your blessing too?

TidyDancer · 29/12/2014 19:49

Firstly, there's a long time between now and when she plans to go. She may well change her mind.

Secondly, what is it you think you can do to stop her?

Goingintohibernation · 29/12/2014 19:49

I sympathise, I would be worried in your shoes, but she is right, she will be an adult, and what an amazing experience it will be if she goes. I would help her to think through any possible problems, but generally I think you have to let her make her own mistakes, and be there to pick up the pieces if necessary.

magpieginglebells · 29/12/2014 19:51

Nothing you can do. She'll be a fully grown adult! She'll have an amazing time.

MrsTawdry · 29/12/2014 19:53

Instead of stopping her could you encourage her to find someone to travel with?

Feminine · 29/12/2014 19:53

When l was 18 l stayed in Japan for 3 months... I was okay :) l sympathise though, my son (16) is planing some crazy panic inducing trip (for parents) when he turns 18! Teens are nerve wracking.

Lazymummy2014 · 29/12/2014 19:53

I went travelling at 18, on my own, with no previous experience of alone-ness at all. It was utterly transformative. Don't try and get in her way.

ilovesooty · 29/12/2014 19:53

What a lovely plan. I hope you'll support her in planning her journey.

SoonToBeSix · 29/12/2014 19:54

I wouldn't want my dd to go but sadly there is nothing you can do.

HolyTerror · 29/12/2014 19:55

Is there something you're not telling us, like she's diabetic and not good at controlling it, or something? Because otherwise I don't see the problem, or what you think you can do to stop an adult self-funding a period of solo travel. Plus inter railing is pretty tame - I thought you were going to say she was planning to cycle though the tribal areas of Afghanistan or something. I was busking around Italy at that age, without any money (was dreadful at busking, or Italians don't like Irish music ) or Italian, plus I'd never left Ireland before.

Of course you'll worry, but it's her life. All you can do us make sure she is sensible about travel and knows to call in an emergency.

Brummiegirl15 · 29/12/2014 19:55

Why on earth would you want to prevent her from going?

Plus it's Europe, it could be travelling across Vietnam, Australia etc. pick your battles!!!

UnMasterChef · 29/12/2014 19:55

She will have a great time, possibly the odd scary time, but overall it will be great. And it's only Europe, if all else fails she can get a low cost flight home and be home in a few hours, or inter rail back to the uk. I moved to Paris when I was 18, I look back now and wonder what in earth my parents were thinking in supporting me, but it was amazing and I loved every minute

Lazymummy2014 · 29/12/2014 19:56

Oh and don't encourage her to travel with a friend. This is an awful idea! No one I met in my whole eleven months travelling who was travelling alone regretted it and EVERYONE who had started off with a friend / in a group was either plotting their escape or no longer talking!

sooperdooper · 29/12/2014 19:56

She'll be an adult and she's paying herself, you can't stop her and you shouldn't try to

You'd be better off helping by suggesting she gets some solo travelling experience beforehand - do you have friends/relatives around the uk she can visit?

Dancingincircles · 29/12/2014 19:59

Despite the fact I went travelling at that age as did my DM many years ago, I would still be concerned over my DD doing the same. It's natural.

WooWooOwl · 29/12/2014 20:00

Good for her.

I can't see the problem tbh, plenty of people travel at that age. It's not a new thing.

southwest1 · 29/12/2014 20:01

I did the same at 18, amd hadn't travelled anywhere on my own before. I wonder if my mum was as worried? She never said if she was, they waved me off at Harwich with smiles on their faces. If anything it's easier now as there's so many ways to keep in touch, back then there was just the telephone (I had a BT charge card so I could ring home for free and it went onto their phone bill!).

I had a great time, didn't get lost anywhere, met lots of nice people along the way. Europe is full of 18 year old inter railing in July/August.

cogitosum · 29/12/2014 20:02

I really regret not doing this when I was 18

Dancingincircles · 29/12/2014 20:02

Don't forget you have the luxury of social media and Skype to keep in touch these days.

VivaLeBeaver · 29/12/2014 20:03

When I was 18 I was hitch hiking round south east Asia and then Africa on my own. Europe is nothing.

specialsubject · 29/12/2014 20:03

you can't and shouldn't stop her. It's only a long holiday.

make sure she gets (and pays for) travel insurance and knows the limitations; doesn't work if pissed or leaves belongings about. Basic streetsmartness; ears not plugged, eyes not glued to phone, bloodstream not permanently swilling alcohol.

they generally appreciate these trips more if they pay for them themselves. It's the ones funded by mummy and daddy who just waste their time.

buy her a rough guide for her birthday and wish her all the best.

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