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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To talk in quiet zone

128 replies

Bluegill · 28/12/2014 19:41

In first class rail travel? I'm playing hang man with my son, quietly on our journey home and he's just whispered to me that the woman sitting opposite him has mouthed to him to shut up! I like the quiet zone and its my view it's only no phones and no unnecessary noise, not no conversation at all. I've told my son we're not playing now but he's understandably disappointed. I won't say anything to the woman but think it's unnecessary to be quite so rude or am IBU?

OP posts:

VenusRising · 28/12/2014 21:19

Bluefin I think that woman's passive aggressive rudeness to your DS was appalling. She was bang out of order to have a go at him. Nasty.

Please tell your DS not to mind the snotty woman! What a meany!

Fwiw, I like very quiet trains, with no phones, or music coming from headphones/buds, and find convos about downstairs loo extensions mind numbingly boring. However I wouldn't expect a convo about that in the quiet zone.

Playing a soundless game without making noise would be fine, not fine would be groaning and sighing over letters as the game went on. It's easy to make more noise than you intend if excited!

BertieBotts · 28/12/2014 21:21

There is an option to select quiet carriage preferred when you book but no option to select normal carriage preferred. It's not that they put you in when it's full, either, they just seem to do it randomly.

I hate being stuck in quiet, I like to have a conversation with the person I'm on the train with. Not loudly but I don't feel the need for total silence either.

The rules are supposed to be no phones at all (I usually use mine on silent, texting only) and no music in headphones. This is stupid because when I listen to music in headphones I don't feel the need for it to be deafening to the person next to me, usually a person who is not me cannot even hear it. Though I do understand that some people seem to feel the need to have it at full volume, so I can understand banning outright.

There isn't actually a rule against conversation with your seat mate but I always feel bad, and find the rules quite arbitrary.

Ubik1 · 28/12/2014 21:22

No groaning or sighing in the quiet zone!

tobysmum77 · 28/12/2014 21:23

haha yes bertie that's exactly it.

tobysmum77 · 28/12/2014 21:24

where does it say that in the rules ubik?

Mrsmorton · 28/12/2014 21:24

But toobreathless you should ask to move. Honestly, it's such hard work. For example, I'd been in theatre for 8 hours one day and was slugging my way to work the following day absolutely exhausted. I can't afford a car as all my £ go on carers for my parents. I was sitting in the quiet coach trying to get some rest and I couldn't because of a family creating hell behind me.

Who was my first patient? The daughter of the rude, loud, offensive father who had been sitting behind me. Not cool. Not cool at all. Have some respect please. Some people don't get to choose when and where they work or how they get there.

Ubik1 · 28/12/2014 21:26

Playing a soundless game without making noise would be fine, not fine would be groaning and sighing over letters as the game went on. It's easy to make more noise than you intend if excited!

It was on response to this. It made me spit my tea over my copy of Woman's Weekly

SirChenjin · 28/12/2014 21:29

Some people don't get to choose when and where they work or how they get there

That's true of most people, isn't it?

SirChenjin · 28/12/2014 21:31

Following on from spinduchess excellent point about painting nails - would sex be allowed in the quiet zone providing it was quiet, I wonder? Or nose picking? Or hair brushing dandruff-ridden heads? As long as noise was kept to a minimum, obviously?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/12/2014 21:31

SirChenjin is right - the Quiet Zone means quiet conversations and no mobile devices, unless you are using headphones, with no noise leakage.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/12/2014 21:32

It doesn't mean utter silence at all times.

toobreathless · 28/12/2014 21:35

mrsmorton I would Never choose to be in quiet zone, it appears to be a random occurrence and there is no way I am leaving our reserved seats on a busy train as what then happens if all the other seats are reserved? Plus dragging two young children around looking for seats.

I also have no idea how your job comes into this, so what? And I do appreciate the challenges of being in theatre all day I'm a doctor.

BathshebaDarkstone · 28/12/2014 21:40

It sounds like you were being quiet. The woman was bloody rude. I hope you did mouth "fuck off" back at her!

SorchaN · 28/12/2014 21:53

Some people just don't like children and think it's ok to be rude to them. It isn't. If people are rude to my children, I tell my children (fairly loudly) that unfortunately many adults weren't taught proper manners and can therefore be ignored. The woman on the train was just plan rude, and I'd have said something about it. I prefer the quiet carriage, but I wouldn't have a problem with someone playing hangman with their child. What I really hate is other people's mobile phone conversations, which always seem to be louder than face-to-face conversations.

Mrsmorton · 28/12/2014 21:59

toobreathless I would never be rude and I understand that quiet coaches at sometimes allocated at random. Just sometimes a bit of empathy is a good thing. I always listen to my white noise, I would hope that parents with noisy children would try to minimise the impact on others. Just give and take.
On the plus side, this festive season I've saved £400 towards a car

Mrsmorton · 28/12/2014 22:03

And too the job comes into it because people make assumptions, if you're travelling at 10pm for example, not normal commuting time. That said, if you're outside london, the difference is less stark.

NoImSpartacus · 28/12/2014 22:12

I sit in the quiet carriage every time I travel up north, which is c every two weeks. A couple of weeks ago the train was v busy and there was a table near me with a mother and her v bored toddler and they talked and played games the whole way.

Usually this would have irked me a bit, but the fact that she kept saying 'shh' to the little boy (in quite a stressed way, the train was packed and there were few seats available so she had little option to move) made me empathise with her, and defused any anger I might have had. If people show respect for others that's all that matters to me. You sound respectful of others, OP, you have even moved so as not to piss rude woman off further. She was extremely rude telling your son to shut up. Not to mention cowardly. I would have had to say something to the stroppy mare. Well done for not retaliating.

If you are travelling east coast, here are there official 'quiet coach' rules

"To help keep things tranquil there are a few rules we need you to abide by in the quiet coach. Mobile phone calls and noise from electronic devices are strictly forbidden, and conversations must be conducted quietly, so everyone can escape distractions or enjoy a nap."

Sounds like you were obeying the rules. I would move back to the quiet coach and carry on with my game of hangman ! But then I'm a hot head

NoImSpartacus · 28/12/2014 22:15

*thier

Ffs !

CatsClaus · 28/12/2014 22:22

blimey...i inevitable end up in the quiet coach cos that where the reservations send me

i chat to my fellow travellers and even other passengers on occasion.

It's not a SILENT coach! How very rude of that woman to mouth things to your son.

Boiing · 28/12/2014 22:31

Yanbu. The woman who said 'shut up' was obviously rude and obnoxious. She could have come over and said 'excuse me would you mind terribly being quieter?' or at least mouthed 'shhh' rather than something rude to a child. And she should have hassled you, not a child, if she had something to say.

Given that she was obviously horrible, while you silenced your child completely in an attempt to be nice, I believe you when you say you were talking quietly. And quiet talk is absolutely permitted in those carriages. That's why it says quiet. Not silent. All it's really intended to do is stop loud mobile phone conversations, they introduced it when that was becoming annoying. I suggest you explain to your son that while there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, sometimes it is better to humour nasty peope, rather than argue with them, if they're going away soon.

I've been surprised how often I've seen rail travellers without children being horrible to parents with children, on one occasion a woman randomly went up to a mother with sleeping baby in a buggy and yelled that buggies shouldn't be taken on trains, then stormed off. It's just bullying of people they see as vulnerable.

Sorry that you've been exposed to further obnoxious answers on here.

Original poster

Bluegill · 28/12/2014 22:43

Thanks boiing. I'm at home now snuggling with my two favourite people. I'm not bothered now. Maybe she was having a bad day. I got a nice cab driver straight away (good karma) and I explained to ds that no matter how rude another adult is, he should always be respectful. I was annoyed but I do accept I should probably not sit in the quiet zone when I'm with my child.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 29/12/2014 07:58

Blue - you are perfectly entitled to dit in the quiet (note quiet, not silent) with your child, and you are perfectly entitled to have a quiet conversation with him/her. Don't let this ignorant woman put you off - she was in the wrong, not you.

ocelot41 · 29/12/2014 08:03

I book a seat in the quiet carriage when I need to concentrate on work and would have found constant whispering very annoying. I wouldn't have mouthed shut up to anyone though - that's v rude!

KatoPotato · 29/12/2014 08:19

Maybe she was trying to help your DS with a possible hangman solution?

My next words would have been RUDE, Rude bastard.

Littlemeg37 · 29/12/2014 09:31

They once put me in the quiet carriage with a 20 month, a 11 year old and a teenager (who always fought)!! they were not quiet, I had also booked my seats and was quite annoyed that they had put us in that carriage as hadn't asked to be put there and knew that my lot couldn't be quiet (11yr old adhd/AS), couldn't understand why they had, if anyone had complained I would have pointed them in the direction of the ticket inspectors. Nobody did complain though and if they had told any of my children to shut up I would have mouthed more than 'go to hell' back at them.

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