To be stressing out over my unfortunate post - marriage name??

[Shande80]

DP and I are getting married in May 2016. The combination of my first name and his second name gives the same name as an undesirable soap opera character. I've already had sniggers and jokes and one person (who wasn't aware of my situation) joked "hey wouldn't it be funny if you married someone with the surname *** oh how awful would that be!" .

The was I see it I have three options ...

1. Grin and bear it ... For years ... And years ... And years ...
2. Not change my second name which would be a shame as I'd like us to have the same name and this option would not go down well with his family. Plus his ex wife still has his surname which would make it seem even worse that I didn't iykwim??
3. Change my first name. I've always hated the fucker anyway but I can imagine it being a right faff on trying to get everyone on board.

It's stressing me out and I don't even watch the bloody program.

Just don't change your name, OP. Stay who you are. I've been married for 21 years and still go by my birth name. You absolutely do not have to change anything. If your future spouse is bothered by this, then suggest that maybe you don't marry.

You say inlaws woyld not appreciate you not changing your surname, but would it go down equally badly with your parents if you changed your first name? Presumably that's why you haven't changed it so far. If all on this thread can get that it would be a pain to be called after a soap character, surely your inlaws can appreciate you'd have reasons for keeping your name? Or are they called Ken and Deirdre ? What about your DH2B, if you changed your first name would he find it weird to call you something other than Tracey?

I was all for changing my name after marriage (as DH has a cool, unusual surname) but 6 months later I haven't got round to it and not sure I'll bother now. Just too lazy. I rarely have to say or write my whole name in any situation involving my in-laws so they wouldn't know what I use and obviously things they send to Mr and Mrs DH name still get to us. Do you think yours would actually notice?

I vote change your first name... To Ken or Gary?

Can you double barrel?

Hmm. I'm still trying to decide if I'm deeply insecure, deeply conservative, or deeply stupid.
If I can't work it out, does that mean I'm stupid?

I changed my name and I am none of those things. I wanted both parents to have the same name as our future kids. I am more feminist these days and would want us both to double barrell. But the fact I didn't in my early 20s doesn't make me stupid, conservative or insecure. Just less political than I am now.

I used to know a James Blunt who was a staunch metalhead

Why can't DH take your name?

It makes me angry when women feel forced into abiding by someone else's decision about their own name.

It also makes me angry when women are called names by other people based on the decision they have made to change or keep their name.

OP - your name, your decision. Do what works for you.

Yes Inertia. Exactly.

Having the same name as my future dcs was really important to me before I had them. Now I've got them I don't care at all.

I want your problems

I've got the same name as my dc because we gave them my last name not dh's last name. You can give your dc whatever last name you want, perfectly legal.

As for divorced women keeping their exHs names, I have three family members who divorced after very long marriages (25-35 yrs) two out of the three women have gone back to their birth last name - and seem to have done so with some delight!

So he won't change his name, even though you already feel anxious and self conscious about the comments you will get if you take his? He and his family expect you to put up with a degree of dissatisfaction while there is none for them?

It would seem perfectly reasonable for you both to double barrel your names, or for him to change his, or for you to keep your name (and change your first name too, if you like!!), and for you to double barrel your children's names or use yours as their surname.

It is archaic to simply assume that a woman (woman after woman, in his case) will adopt a man's name, without giving equal consideration to the many alternatives to this. If you don't want to use his name, it is more than archaic to feel you must bow to tradition because of the views of his family!

My mother still has my fathers surname. They've been divorced far longer than they were ever married at this point, but it's been her name for 30 plus years, why should she change it??

My two brothers have both been divorced twice- and all 4 of their ex wives changed their names on marriage and have kept the name. I think that's a bizarre thing to do. Particularly in the two cases where the divorce was hideously messy and where my bothers behaved unforgivably...........

I've got the same name as my dc because we gave them my last name not dh's last name. You can give your dc whatever last name you want, perfectly legal

Yes, I'm aware of that but I found growing up as a BME person with an English name to be a bit of a pita and I wanted my dcs to have DH's BME name. It roots them in that community in a way that was closed off to me, particularly as I can 'pass' for white. I'm happy with that choice. People have different reasons for choosing the surname they give their child and the choice is not always based on them being a bit of a thicky.

I was in school with a Jo(Anna) King!

Loving Wendy House!

I still snigger at the name Mike hunt

Tbh OP I have heard of Tracy Barlow but do not watch (Corrie?). I wouldn't make the obvious connection or it wouldn't figure massively in a radar for me.

I'd to for double barrelled and then if you have DCs double barrel their surname too.

I grew up with the same surname as a coronation st character in the 70's, a name emblazoned on the side of DF's van, and I grew to hate giving my surname, even though I had never seen the programme. It wasn't just the jokes, (and there were many if those), peoples expectations of me were linked to this fictional man.

It was such a relief to marry and to have an anonymous surname and not have to listen to smart comments anymore. If your proposed name makes you cringe then I would choose an alternative.

He won't change his name so you have to? OK then If you're insistent on changing, couldn't you hyphenate? Changing your first name seems extreme.

Hak- I would keep my name on divorce, no matter what DH did. I changed my name, I didn't borrow it. And I would want to keep the same name as my kids.

As I have become more feminist I vaguely consider double barelling with my maiden name anyway but would always want to share some part of family surname with them.

Penguins- two of my brothers' ex wives have no children.

I don't understand the "same name as the children" thing anyway. Why does it matter?

I read a quote by a brilliant columnist once that said, 'women who change their names on marriage are either deeply insecure, deeply conservative or deeply stupid'. I have to say, when I think of the women I know who have changed their surnames, they do all fit into at least one of these categories.

So as a woman who took my husbands name I'm a stupid, insecure conservative then? Wow. Maybe I did it because I wanted to and because I didn't like my birth name. I do hope we never have the misfortune to meet. Do you judge every woman who changes her name like that?
What about my male friend who took his wife's name. How would you judge him?

"What about my male friend who took his wife's name. How would you judge him?"

As mythical?

Nope, real chap.

Hak - well, I appreciate many don't care. But there lots of things for me. I like being 'The Smiths'. I like that I am instantly identifiable as a family member of mychildren from my name. I like the convenience. And more than anything else I would hate it if my kids shared a name with their dad but not me (I have never understood why people do that personally. If I had kept my birth name then double barrell would have been non negotiable for the kids). It matters to some people and not others.

Get your DH to be to change his name to Gary. Celeb couple. Job done!