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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by dh prompting ds to simper to mil on the phone

39 replies

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 27/12/2014 16:35

God it pisses me off.

Say hello to nanny
Tell nanny you miss her
Tell nanny she's your favourite person
Tell nanny how much you love her
Say I can't wait to see you nanny (we saw her yesterday. Seeing her again tomorrow)
Say bye bye nanny love you nanny see you soon!

Ds is 5. He starts to get fed up and then dh tells him off.

Argh. Everytime dh phones her ds has to perform like some sort of monkey.

OP posts:
HansieLove · 27/12/2014 16:52

That sounds sickening! Good for your DS to rebel.

Original poster
Whowillsaveyoursoul · 27/12/2014 16:54

But then he gets told off. I've told dh ds doesn't need to say it every single time he speaks to mil - it's meaningless anyway - but apparently it's 'nice for mil'

Vomit vomit vomit.

OP posts:
CaptainAnkles · 27/12/2014 16:54

Teach him some pre-prepared lines.
'Hello Grandmother. How delightful to hear from you. I'm so looking forward to our next meeting. I'll hand you back to Father now, as I'm frightfully busy playing.'

mrspottasbubble · 27/12/2014 16:55

Excuse me whilst I go and find something to clear up the vomit

Original poster
Whowillsaveyoursoul · 27/12/2014 16:56

Ds will chat to mil on the phone about general stuff. Then dh will prod ds and start with the above:

Tell nanny you love her etc etc.

OP posts:
NotSayingImBatman · 27/12/2014 16:57

But if it makes your MIL happy, what's the harm?

Original poster
Whowillsaveyoursoul · 27/12/2014 16:59

Because ds doesn't want to keep saying it. Why should he? One of the above would be fine, why do we have to have them all? Sometimes dh bribes ds - say 'can't wait to see you nanny and I'll give you a sweet'
Why? What's that teaching ds?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2014 17:01

It might be a bit sickening but why are you listening in to the conversation? It's actually none of your business.

If you're not happy with the sweetie-bribery then just say, "If he doesn't want to say it then he won't - he doesn't get a sweet if he does say it".

spinduchess · 27/12/2014 17:02

'Come and say hello to nanny' is fine.

All that other bullshit is revolting.

LadyLuck10 · 27/12/2014 17:02

Just leave them to it.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 27/12/2014 17:03

Take him out of the room so he can't be dragged into the conversation.

sooperdooper · 27/12/2014 17:05

Ugh that would irritate me too - and it's meaningless if he's just repeating parrot fashion

NotSayingImBatman · 27/12/2014 17:06

I didn't like kissing my older relatives when I was your DS's age, but my DM encouraged made me, because it made them happy. I'm none the worse for it as an adult, and your DS won't be either.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 27/12/2014 17:06

Of course it's her business what her child is being forced to say, if a parent disagrees that that is something that needs disciplining, or disagrees with the bribery etc. then it's right for them to have an opinion, and common ground needs to be agreed between the parents.

MIL must surely know this is being utterly forced by the parent, and it holds no actual meaning, just explain to the DP how it's harming the child and GP relationship as it becomes a chore to talk to her, rather than an enjoyable experience. He should see sense.

1981 · 27/12/2014 17:07

Your DS shouldn't need to perform like that, it's unfair, and surely if you were the recipient you'd find it, well, insincere?

Your DH is being a knob.

1981 · 27/12/2014 17:09

NotSayingImBatman actually I think a better message to give to children is that setting boundaries about what they want when it comes to physical interaction, and knowing how to refuse politely when something feels too close, is a better message. I say this as a ranging introvert who clams up if friends do the air cheek kisses thing - I'm just not like that, and I had to do the "kissing granny" thing (that others are perfectly happy with, and enjoy) too!

Original poster
Whowillsaveyoursoul · 27/12/2014 17:10

I'm not 'listening in' I just happen to be in the same room when it happens!
I'm not going to leave the room every time dh phones ds. What a weird thing to say that I'm 'listening in' as though I'm eavesdropping!

I don't like that ds gets told off if he doesn't say what dh wants him to and I don't like him being bribed to supposedly show affection. And it's over the top and ridiculous. However sadly dh apparently doesn't agree.

OP posts:
LeftyLoony · 27/12/2014 17:12

If he tells DS off just sit there mimicking vomiting.

LoisHatesChristmas · 27/12/2014 17:14

A quick love ya Nanny! is sufficient. Nanny might not like it either!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2014 17:15

OP's right to disagree with the bribery, fred and if my husband wanted our kids to talk like this to either granny I would speak to him about it but actually, it isn't the OP's business to listen in on the conversations when their son is with his dad and talking on the phone.

Absolutely take your point about making an enjoyable experience a chore though, it certainly would. I can't imagine it's nice for the granny to hear either as it sounds as coerced as it is.

Agree with 1981 also about the 'kissing granny' thing, I don't like that, never did and dislike it when my brother/SIL directs niece and nephew to do it. Nobody should instruct a child to kiss anybody whether recipient likes the kisses or not. I personally don't like them, child-slobber and chocolatey fingers on me, bleurch. Envy

Dionysuss · 27/12/2014 17:15

Yanbu.

SiL will get her DS to keep asking MIL if she can take him out/ be dropped off for the day. If she says no, sil will tell him to ask why, and to ask again.
Even worse she tells him that he is going, and he gets so disappointed when his told he isn't. Several times mil has had to change her plans to take him to the park.

She also does it when they're here. 'Uncle T will take you to the cinema' .....um no he can't. She even once told him that he could come on holiday with us just as we were leaving. ( they were collecting keys to water cat whilst we were gone) he had to be dragged from the taxi. The evil cow is constantly setting him up for disappointment. It's so cruel.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2014 17:17

WhoWill, cross-posted with you there. Fair enough about being in the same room and can't help hearing, take it up with your husband. I agree with you about the bribery and can't imagine that your MIL likes this nonsense either.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2014 17:18

... and no, husband wouldn't be within his rights to tell off a child for not performing in this way. I think you'd be absolutely right to ask him to stop that... even if he won't stop the nonsense performing.

CaptainAnkles · 27/12/2014 17:18

Have you actually asked your DH outright to stop making him do it? That DS doesn't like having to say these things every single time he speaks to her and that parroting whatever he's told doesn't mean anything? Just tell him. 'Stop making him do that.'

BlackDaisies · 27/12/2014 17:20

Ugh! I wouldn't like that either. Keep sticking to your guns and saying you don't agree with it/ he doesn't have to say it.