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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be upset others "annouced" the birth of your baby via facebook before you could?

121 replies

livingonaprayer1986 · 26/12/2014 13:56

AIBU?

A friend, lets call her Rachel, was due to give birth anytime as she was overdue. I knew she had gone into labour because she sent me an excited text saying she was in labour, but not to say anything on Facebook or anything, obviously because she wanted to announce it herself when her baby was born.

Anyway, I log on to Facebook and notice her twat of a friend has put it on her Facebook the baby had been born... cue hundreds of public messages on her wall saying congratulations, when can they meet baby, etc.

Rachel is very upset that she didn't get to announce the birth of her baby herself and is pissed off at her friend. I can completely understand/ relate to her and had near enough the exact same thing happen to me just over 3 years ago when my daughter was born - a friend had announced I was in labour because my hubby had answered my phone and said "Sorry she is at hospital at the moment and can't get to the phone, she will ring you back" which then made that person post on my Facebook page I was in labour, cue everyone saying congratulations when someone (I still don't know who, I suspect is was one of hubbys family despite him saying don't say anything to anyone yet) also then announced baby had been born and even my babies birth weight! I was majorly upset, I had really wanted to announce everything myself being a first time mum and I had had a terrible, terrible birth on top of it resulting in a colostomy bag and 4th degree tear and a major, painful operation on my neither regions, so I was feeling shite anyway!

Sorry for rambling on, so anyway Rachel posts on her Facebook (word for word) "thank you for all the messages everyone :) but I had wanted to announce the birth of my baby... please take that into consideration when posting on someone else's page if you know they have given birth before posting anything, as now the whole world knows and I feel it was my news to share first. aby *** has to stay in because of jaundice/ difficult time getting out but we will be ok... xx"

A few (not everyone) people have taken offence to this and put nasty replies saying "next time I wont bother" "ffs get over it" "what's the big deal?"

Is she being unreasonable that she wanted to announce the birth herself? I don't think she is and think her message on her wall from her was polite but getting the point across how she felt. What do others think? Would you mind someone else announcing the birth of your baby before you could even get out of the hospital?

OP posts:

MassaAttack · 27/12/2014 12:47

Surely before Facebook existed this still happened. You had a baby, phoned your mum, and your mum told all her friends before yours, and probably the woman in the corner shop. Once one person knows, it isn't really your news anymore.

Ridingthestorm · 27/12/2014 14:45

DH announced our DS's birth via my fb account (he didn't have one) as I was unable to for about a week (in hospital and signal was non existent).
But this time everyone knows the birth date (c section) but strict instructions will be given NOT to announce it on FB until me or DH does. I will (publicly) let rip at anyone who goes against our wishes. In fact, I may not tell a sole until my fb status is updated. That way, everyone knows at once!

specialsubject · 27/12/2014 14:49

modern manners...but yes, it does seem to me that the announcement should be made by the proud parents. Same for weddings; post congratulations, but no photos unless bride/groom ask for them.

toffeeboffin · 27/12/2014 14:53

This happened to me, I was beyond pissed off. Talk about stealing someone's thunder!

LittleMissRayofHope · 27/12/2014 14:58

My sis did this to me with my first and I was upset. The I got over it. I had told everyone close tome anyway so it was all the 'extended' friends who found out.

When I had DS I told her not to post on FB til I was ready.

I wouldn't have posted that message to everyone, but maybe just said something to the person who announced without permission.

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat · 27/12/2014 15:06

OP, I agree this is very unacceptable behaviour and also happened in our family recently. Dn was a couple of weeks old and no name chosen so I was very keen to be told ( am very close to db and SIL so wanted to be told in person). Anyway DAunt posted on fb 'welcome to our family XX'. Db was upset but tbh he should have told everyone himself.

OP, in relation to your response, I wonder if your reaction to this has been triggered by your very distressing birth experiences and caused you to feel more upset. I hope you have had help to deal with it.

youareallbonkers · 27/12/2014 15:12

Maybe they should tell their families 1st instead of letting their friends know.

AntiHop · 27/12/2014 15:22

This happened to me too. It really annoyed me. I was going to say something to the friend who did it but didn't as I knew she didn't mean any harm by it and I didn't want to be mean. I think what the op's friend write on facebook was a fair response to the news being announced by someone else.

loiner45 · 27/12/2014 15:36

I had my dc pre-fb. No way was I going to phone around all those relatives and friends we told PIL my parents and my bf. The expectation was that they would let the extended network of friends and family know. I don't get the big announcement thing - it's a baby not the new saviour of the universe.

CocobearSqueeze · 27/12/2014 15:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

maddening · 27/12/2014 17:19

She is nu to be upset with the blabberer but should not have taken the argument public just taken it up with her friend.

Mrsstarlord · 27/12/2014 17:21

No, I wouldn't be upset. I'd think it was nice that they were excited. And it would save me a job!

kwerty · 27/12/2014 18:54

I don't see how someone could 'steal your thunder'; it's your baby. Actually not that interesting really, except to parents and grandparents (of the normal, interested type). Not so monumentally interesting to others, as you will discover!

Alconleigh · 27/12/2014 19:31

All those saying it's ok are ignoring the awful examples people have given. Can you really still defend it? I appreciate if you lose your baby then FB is low down on your worries, but it's an extra kick of pain for people having the worst time they will ever know. And entirely avoidable. That's reason enough to hold back, surely?

cansu · 27/12/2014 19:37

If you live your life on Facebook then this is what you get tbh. I think putting the message up was rather unpleasant of Rachel. If she was upset about it she should have spoken to her friend about it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/12/2014 20:27

understandable 'rachel' was upset having her 'thunder' stolen, tho writing a message like that on fb was abit ott

i have had texts from friends saying had baby with weight name etc but also says in message please dont say anything on fb as we want to announce it, fair enough their right :)

i have seen several friends post on fb when i know they shouldnt about babies

same with wedding pics or congrats when engaged

good manners and comon sense says you dont say anything on fb till the person does theirselves on fb

wanderingcloud · 27/12/2014 21:13

NU at all.

If you don't do fb fair enough, but other people do. Say you phone your friend/relative to tell them your good news and they say "I already know as so and so posted on fb" surely a part of you will be a bit annoyed about it?

FWIW early, unwarranted fb announcements sparked an all out family feud in my family. My Aunty on my Dads side commented about my Niece being born (announcing sex and time of birth) and the Aunty and Nan on my Mums side (my mum passed away several years ago) found out via the fb post before my Bro had a chance to tell. Aunty was devastated that her and my Nan hadn't been told but it was pure chance that Aunty on my Dads side had been on the phone to my Dad when he got the news. So my Bro ended up with his only surviving grandparent being very, very upset that she hadn't been told but he actually hadn't had time to tell any extended family. It's caused a huge rift and a lot of bad feeling within my Mums family to the point that they won't speak to my Dad anymore. All because my Aunty felt the need to overshare information that wasn't hers to share.

GokTwo · 27/12/2014 21:28

Your friend is NBU at all but I honestly would tell people in advance not to do put anything on fbook. Sometimes people do this for attention and sometimes because they are really excited too.

GokTwo · 27/12/2014 21:28

Agree that most people would know not to though!

MassaAttack · 27/12/2014 21:48

wandering I'm sorry, but that's a ridiculous thing to start a feud over. If people are going to cause rifts over an ill advised but otherwise benign Facebook post, then they'll cause rifts over anything.

Leela5 · 27/12/2014 21:52

I was upset as someone posted up pics of me at my wedding from the reception on the day. I wasn't upset that they'd done it, but more that the photos were awful - I had bottle of wine in hand and was dancing like a loon. Nothing like the lovely first look at me and my husband I'd hoped people would get, or nice pic of me looking elegant in my dress. It actually really upset me as i felt a bit embarrassed :(

Yanbu - I wish people would think before posting stuff on Facebook from other people's celebrations or life events

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