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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be upset others "annouced" the birth of your baby via facebook before you could?

121 replies

livingonaprayer1986 · 26/12/2014 13:56

AIBU?

A friend, lets call her Rachel, was due to give birth anytime as she was overdue. I knew she had gone into labour because she sent me an excited text saying she was in labour, but not to say anything on Facebook or anything, obviously because she wanted to announce it herself when her baby was born.

Anyway, I log on to Facebook and notice her twat of a friend has put it on her Facebook the baby had been born... cue hundreds of public messages on her wall saying congratulations, when can they meet baby, etc.

Rachel is very upset that she didn't get to announce the birth of her baby herself and is pissed off at her friend. I can completely understand/ relate to her and had near enough the exact same thing happen to me just over 3 years ago when my daughter was born - a friend had announced I was in labour because my hubby had answered my phone and said "Sorry she is at hospital at the moment and can't get to the phone, she will ring you back" which then made that person post on my Facebook page I was in labour, cue everyone saying congratulations when someone (I still don't know who, I suspect is was one of hubbys family despite him saying don't say anything to anyone yet) also then announced baby had been born and even my babies birth weight! I was majorly upset, I had really wanted to announce everything myself being a first time mum and I had had a terrible, terrible birth on top of it resulting in a colostomy bag and 4th degree tear and a major, painful operation on my neither regions, so I was feeling shite anyway!

Sorry for rambling on, so anyway Rachel posts on her Facebook (word for word) "thank you for all the messages everyone :) but I had wanted to announce the birth of my baby... please take that into consideration when posting on someone else's page if you know they have given birth before posting anything, as now the whole world knows and I feel it was my news to share first. aby *** has to stay in because of jaundice/ difficult time getting out but we will be ok... xx"

A few (not everyone) people have taken offence to this and put nasty replies saying "next time I wont bother" "ffs get over it" "what's the big deal?"

Is she being unreasonable that she wanted to announce the birth herself? I don't think she is and think her message on her wall from her was polite but getting the point across how she felt. What do others think? Would you mind someone else announcing the birth of your baby before you could even get out of the hospital?

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 26/12/2014 15:53

Would not bother be in the slightest. In fact it would save me a job.

Callofthewild · 26/12/2014 15:55

When DH and I got engaged his niece merrily announced it on my fb wall before I had had a chance to tell my friends myself. I got her to remove her post at which point all of DH's family then decided that it must be some terrible secret that we were getting married and that it obviously was not to be spoken of Confused.

A couple of days before I went in to hospital to have DTD's I temporarily de-activated my fb account, once bitten, twice shy and all that Grin

MassaAttack · 26/12/2014 16:01

My thoughts exactly, Philo. All this rage and talk about feeling robbed is really quite bonkers Confused

Announcing a death, particularly before the deceased's own family know, is an entirely different kettle of fish and completely unforgivable.

comeagainforbigfudge · 26/12/2014 16:08

I'd be furious. I have a strict no fb policy for all my and DH's family and friends until we have told all the important close family and friends first.

That's what I've done with announcing pregnancy and will do again when baby gets here. We both have family around the world and it's important to me that they are told first either by phone or text (with a picture obviously) and not haphazardly by a fb status update. I've had that happen to me when a extended family member posted congrats about birth of DN when I didn't even know yet. It wasn't a nice feeling.

DH would rather not put stuff on Fb. As would I normally, but with over 100 work colleagues it would be like Chinese whispers. So FB is useful for me to control what news is given.

Not because I'm a control freak. But it's our news to tell. Not theirs

YANBU

raltheraffe · 26/12/2014 16:11

A bit off topic but when my niece was born a photo of her was uploaded onto FB within 20 minutes of her birth.

I find it fucking pathetic that the time mum and baby are supposed to be first bonding, the new parents' top priority was heading for Facebook.

AliceLidl · 26/12/2014 16:19

You and your friend are not being unreasonable.

People should have a bit more sense about these things and actually try and think about whether their friends and family might want to make their own announcement or not.

My cousins wife announced his grandmother's death on Facebook and caused a family argument that went on for weeks and made a lot of his older relatives feel very upset and distressed.

It was awful, and so unnecessary.

And I have a friend who announced how excited she was about finding out she was becoming an Auntie again on Facebook, even though she does not get on with her brother and his wife and does not see his other child.

He commented to say they hadn't wanted to announce the pregnancy so early and had only told their Mum and his wife's parents, so my friend had given the game away to all their mutual friends and family, some of whom were upset not to have been told in person by the couple themselves.

Now this same friend is upset because they announced the birth on Facebook themselves and didn't ring her or send her a personal message to let her know, and she's posting about it on Facebook to complain how everything is so impersonal and how hurt she feels to find out via Facebook at the same time as everybody else.

Philoslothy · 26/12/2014 16:23

I am just not that interesting and therefore gave no need to control public announcements about my life.i suspect nobody really cares if or when we have children other than our immediate family.

Mrsfrumble · 26/12/2014 16:39

My brother announced DS's birth on FB by posting how delighted he was to meet his new nephew. We didn't mind at all; we were stuck in the postnatal ward for days and I didn't have a smart phone so no internet access, and poor qDH was too busy trundling back and forth between home and the hospital. I was very grateful to DB and SIL for visiting us on the ward with lovely gifts then taking DH to the pub with them.

We got to post the first photo and his middle name when we were finally discharged.

It's one of those things that seem to bother people immensely but I just don't get!

Philoslothy · 26/12/2014 16:46

I find it fucking pathetic that the time mum and baby are supposed to be first bonding, the new parents' top priority was heading for Facebook.
I suspect it was excitement. It takes seconds to take and upload a photo. I can't imagine thinking "fucking pathetic" if someone chose to spend such a lovely moment with me.

madamginger · 26/12/2014 16:56

My sisters friend did this and my sister threatened to never speak to said friend ever again if she didn't take it down, her husband was raging, he was ready to rip off her head. Luckily it was really late at night and only a couple of people saw it.
My sister was really poorly after the birth and nearly died, she was in hdu for a week, the last thing they needed was this attention seeking friend.

meglet · 26/12/2014 17:56

Yanbu. The parents should have the excitement of announcing the birth of their own child.

It makes me wince when I've seen a colleague or friend announcing a mutual friends new baby, very poor form.

Mammanat222 · 26/12/2014 18:02

Its not at all unreasonable for your friend to be upset but this is one of the many, many reasons I loathe Facebook and no longer have an account.

LoisHatesChristmas · 26/12/2014 18:03

Yes it would upset me. It has happened to several people I know. One friend had her pregnancy announced. She was really upset. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO SOMEONE! Angry

LoisHatesChristmas · 26/12/2014 18:05

IM EXPERIMENTING WITH ROARING ON THREADS IN PLACE OF STRIKE OUTS. DON'T BE AFRAID!

tassisssss · 26/12/2014 18:06

This happens ALL THE TIME.

Friends of mine give birth and before they've had the chance to publicly announce, other friends are posting congrats to their wall. Just wrong.

cakedcrusader · 26/12/2014 18:52

I've seen this happen to 2 friends recently and commented to dh how rude it was. I don't understand what goes through people's heads sometimes. I would be fuming!

FryOneFatManic · 26/12/2014 19:16

For those of you who don't get it, consider this:

A friend of mine gave birth and told a couple of friends. Pretty much immediately those friends plastered it all over FB, leading to congrats from loads of other people.

Meanwhile, the baby took a turn for the worse and died a few hours after the birth (I'm being deliberately vague with details here). They went to put a short post on FB, after telling their family in person, and were really distressed to find (and still be receiving) all these congrats messages.

If it's not your news, don't post it. I firmly believe that posting someone else's news (unless by arrangement) is just attention seeking.

123Jump · 26/12/2014 19:20

As some others have said, this wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
My mum is the eldest of 11, and I have a bazillion cousins on that side of the family. I was first grandchild/cousin to get married and have a baby.
I told my mum I was pregnant, and she told me not to tell anyone else as it was too early, even my dad.
She was at a relatives house at Christmas and told everyone. My dad found out when an uncle came over and told him congratulations.
Didn't bother me at all. I just don't see the point in getting stressed about this stuff. Who cares?
Having said that i didn't look at FB for ages after having DC.
It wouldn't occur to me to announce someone else's news on FB or anywhere else tbh.

123Jump · 26/12/2014 19:23

Not getting stressed about someone doing it to you isn't the same as saying you would do it to someone, IYKWIM.
I don't care if people announce my news, but I would never announce someone else's news. There is a big difference.
i just wouldn't give a shiny shite if someone did this to me.
That is extremely sad for the couple that lost the baby.

Lunastarfish · 26/12/2014 19:38

It's not acceptable to announce other people's news publicly on FB. I have a friend (a real one!) who has made no announcements on fb about being pregnant, there are no bump or scan pics. She has only made one comment about her pregnancy. She is now one week overdue and people are posting on her wall asking for updates. Send a text or telephone! She's now deactivated her account. I might do the same thing when i give birth next summer. It's the parents news to announce when they are ready.

Ruperta · 26/12/2014 19:59

My SIL did this, announcing birth, name & gender. BIATCH! I tepid the favour when her daughter was born - moi, petty?

ScrambledEggAndToast · 26/12/2014 20:06

These people are the same people who see something in the news like a celebrity dying from breast cancer for example and saying "OMG, so sad, my cousins's next door neighbour's best friend's old teacher died from that. So sad, RIP". It will generally be someone they have never met but just love the attention of all the "hope you are ok babe" and "thinking of you Hun" type posts. Anything to get in on it.

museumum · 26/12/2014 20:10

She is not unreasonable to be upset at thd person who leaked the news. BUT she took it out on her well-wishers basically telling them off for offering congrats. I understand why they'd be miffed at being made to feel crap for being nice. They did nothing wrong.

mupperoon · 26/12/2014 20:13

My brother did this to me. I got a congratulations from a friend in New York before my other half had even had a chance to send the "friends" email. I was really annoyed. My news, not my brother's!

TruJay · 26/12/2014 20:34

My SIL did this with our first, i was very ill after the birth and decided to look at FB 3 days after ds arrived when bored on the ward only to find she had posted his pic, name, weight, time everything. I was really upset by it. I wasn't event going to post about ds anyway but ended up doing so just so I could announce he was here myself. Turned out though that not many commented on sil's post anyway and congratulated us directly. When dd arrived i let close family know and added do not chuffing put this on facebook!! We only said that baby had arrived and didn't give details of name, weight, time etc until we were ready to announce. Wouldn't dream of taking that moment from any new parent

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