Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset others "annouced" the birth of your baby via facebook before you could?

121 replies

livingonaprayer1986 · 26/12/2014 13:56

AIBU?

A friend, lets call her Rachel, was due to give birth anytime as she was overdue. I knew she had gone into labour because she sent me an excited text saying she was in labour, but not to say anything on Facebook or anything, obviously because she wanted to announce it herself when her baby was born.

Anyway, I log on to Facebook and notice her twat of a friend has put it on her Facebook the baby had been born... cue hundreds of public messages on her wall saying congratulations, when can they meet baby, etc.

Rachel is very upset that she didn't get to announce the birth of her baby herself and is pissed off at her friend. I can completely understand/ relate to her and had near enough the exact same thing happen to me just over 3 years ago when my daughter was born - a friend had announced I was in labour because my hubby had answered my phone and said "Sorry she is at hospital at the moment and can't get to the phone, she will ring you back" which then made that person post on my Facebook page I was in labour, cue everyone saying congratulations when someone (I still don't know who, I suspect is was one of hubbys family despite him saying don't say anything to anyone yet) also then announced baby had been born and even my babies birth weight! I was majorly upset, I had really wanted to announce everything myself being a first time mum and I had had a terrible, terrible birth on top of it resulting in a colostomy bag and 4th degree tear and a major, painful operation on my neither regions, so I was feeling shite anyway!

Sorry for rambling on, so anyway Rachel posts on her Facebook (word for word) "thank you for all the messages everyone :) but I had wanted to announce the birth of my baby... please take that into consideration when posting on someone else's page if you know they have given birth before posting anything, as now the whole world knows and I feel it was my news to share first. aby *** has to stay in because of jaundice/ difficult time getting out but we will be ok... xx"

A few (not everyone) people have taken offence to this and put nasty replies saying "next time I wont bother" "ffs get over it" "what's the big deal?"

Is she being unreasonable that she wanted to announce the birth herself? I don't think she is and think her message on her wall from her was polite but getting the point across how she felt. What do others think? Would you mind someone else announcing the birth of your baby before you could even get out of the hospital?

OP posts:
MuscatBouschet · 26/12/2014 14:42

Like Sophie my sis did the "so pleased to be an auntie again" thing but without naming or tagging me. It wasn't ideal but I just got my husband to quickly post a photo and name so that most people didn't notice she had posted a little early. To me it wasn't a big deal but then it wasn't my first and I'd had a really quick birth so wasn't exhausted and traumatised.

I do agree though OP, what the poster did really isn't ok.

Theboodythatrocked · 26/12/2014 14:43

stealthy labour Grin

Deactivating account temporarily is a good idea.

ElphabaTheGreen · 26/12/2014 14:48

Not unreasonable at all. It's never happened to me, but I've seen people posting on others' FB pages before any announcement has been made and I've thought, 'God, that's poor form!' With both of mine, I only texted family and friends who weren't on Facebook (or who I knew had more sense than to post) to make sure it didn't happen.

LokiBear · 26/12/2014 14:48

One of my cousins announced my uncle's death of fb before his own children had been informed. My uncle died in the early hours and my aunt decided not to wake their children as they had been at the hospital for 3 solid days and had only been convinced to go home to sleep a few hours before. She wanted to tell them face to face instead of on the phone, after they had slept for a few hours. My other uncle told his kids first thing in the morning and my ridiculous cousin posted an 'oh my god, my world has ended, rip poor uncle xxxx' type status at 7am. She hadn't seen my uncle in 8 years and did not attend his funeral. However, felt entitled to announce his death to the world and enjoy all of the sympathy she got from other facebookers. When I told her it was rude and insensitive to my uncle's kids she told me to 'get over myself and to stop being so stuck up'. The woman is in her mid 30's and should know better. I feel sorry for your friend. Not nice for others to announce such a special moment in their lives and just plain horrendous for people to be nasty when she got upset.

OrangesLemons · 26/12/2014 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HungryHorace · 26/12/2014 14:50

Definitely NU.

You can adjust your account so that your wall can't be posted on and you can't be tagged without first approving the post. I did that a few weeks before DS' due date, so it didn't appear restricted all of a sudden.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/12/2014 14:52

As a midwife I see this at least weekly.

A lot of the time I'm still suturing up and the partner or sometimes the woman is on the phone telling everyone. I've once had to tell a woman to get off the phone while I was still trying to deliver her placenta because I needed her to listen to me and cooperate.

Next thing they're getting texts of congratulations and then complaining because someone has put it on FB.

I do agree people should think and not do it but part of me thinks if you haven't explicitly told people not to do it then you kind of have to expect it.

HungryHorace · 26/12/2014 14:52

That's awful, Loki. How horrible for his children.

Libitina · 26/12/2014 14:53

Deactivating your account won't stop people posting the announcement on theirs though. Best to stay under the radar.

Where I work we tend to find out about pregnancies weeks before family and friends do, due to the type of job we do (anaesthetic gases), so we have to act all surprised on FB when the good news is officially announced on there, but we do it. Can be a bit difficult to remember at times though not to put our foot in it. ie links to baby pram sales etc...

19lottie82 · 26/12/2014 14:53

Jesus..... It's facebook. She has a lovely healthy baby. Surely she should be so happy with that to really be bothered about such a trivial issue?

Annbag · 26/12/2014 14:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

ticktactoegivemeago · 26/12/2014 14:57

This happened to me but I can't say I was very annoyed tbh, my friend was just excited and tagged us in her status. Someone must have said something to her as she said sorry but I wasn't angry with her.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 26/12/2014 14:59

ebwy congratulations!

thanks :)

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 26/12/2014 15:00

Terrible.
I was so so excited when my friend text and said she was in labour. Even more so when baby was born. But I didn't tell a soul even when people text me asking if is heard from her.
It's such a special time it's entirely about the parents nobody else should be muscling in trying to make themselves feel important

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 26/12/2014 15:02

While we are on the subject I hate it when someone announces a pg on Facebook and certain people come out with ohhh so glad I can mention it now or like I've said before congrats! It reeks of waaahh look at me I already knew...

PinkParsnips · 26/12/2014 15:02

My friend did this to me. I wasn't massively annoyed but I was a little taken aback as I agree it's a bit rude really and I wouldn't dream of doing it!

LokiBear · 26/12/2014 15:03

Luckily, they didn't see it. I phoned my mum, who phoned my uncle who made her take it down. That part of my family no longer talk to me though, except for my uncle. Apparently, I'm too stuck up. Funny, but I can live with it!

Trooperslane · 26/12/2014 15:03

I'd be fucking RAGING. That's so attention seeking and rude.

It's such a special and personal announcement. And she was 100% right on calling her out in it

TiggerLillies · 26/12/2014 15:05

I found out about a close friend's baby this way, was rather hurt I didn't know first as knew the other person was definitely not as close a friend. Turns out she had text me first but it hadn't come through.
When it happened I immediately text her, and she was able to delete the post but then another person did it as well! Afaik, they don't hand it any more.

For this reason, I'm going to deactivate or change settings closer to my birth, not sure which would be better though, (it might be a clue in itself as I'm a fb addict).

TiggerLillies · 26/12/2014 15:07

Ps good on for mentioning it, how will people learn if no one says anything?

PinkParsnips · 26/12/2014 15:07

I've just had a look and my friend actually announced that we'd had a girl (we didn't know what we were having) and her full name which we hadn't told anyone! That is pretty bloody rude thinking about it Confused

diddl · 26/12/2014 15:08

How did the other friend find anything out though?
I mean why do people take a risk by saying anything to anyone?
Not that it excuses it, though.

CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2014 15:13

Id have been upset with my first too. I was very selcetive with eho evrn knew i was pregnant until 20 wks with first and i got to 32 weeks with second before someone posted they couldnt wait to see my bump. I was just impressed if got soooo far along! Especially when some people had seen me and not notice (ds was 10lb btw so not small!).

BUT If u dont want people to post an announce on your fb YOU should make steps to ensure that doesnt happen. Firstly, change your settings so when people post on your wall only you can see it. Secondly, change settings so anything you are tagged in you have to approve before it goes on your wall. This will massively cut down on one person knowing - the whole world knowing.

honeysucklejasmine · 26/12/2014 15:38

On a related note, I find it ridiculously rude if people post endless pictures of other peoples children, even if you are related too them, and ESPECIALLY if the parent themselves doesn't post much.

liquidstateisonthemulled · 26/12/2014 15:43

Also choose your facebook friends carefully... So many people have hundreds of facebook friends just through accepting all friend requests. Not all of these will be people who you trust or who will respect you.

Although some of you may think this is boring (each to their own Grin).