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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling really sorry for myself....

48 replies

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:37

So I'm a lone parent. Find Christmas REALLY hard. Me and my son are alone all day but thankfully my dear friends have invited us for tea, but not till later on.

I have my mum and sister, both of whom couldn't care less,I lost my beloved dad 20 years ago at Christmas. I've worked really hard to buy my son some lovely presents, he's really chuffed and that's made my Christmas. But im now sat alone, in tears, feeling very sorry for myself, reading everyone's statuses about their perfect family Christmases!

OP posts:

Nabootique · 25/12/2014 10:42

I don't see my DD until tonight as she is with her dad. It is hard. I'm cooking dinner for some family later which is a good distraction. It's nice that your DS was pleased with his haul. Have some fun playing with him and enjoy having some quality one on one time. Hope you have a lovely time with friends later.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:42

Sorry I posted too soon!!! My mum spends the day with her partner. I jokingly invited myself and my son to hers and was told there wouldn't be any food for us if we went!!!! She actually asked me if I was being serious when I mentioned it and when I said no she said 'phew'!!!!!!

I think the thing that's upset me is my sisters gift....... Cheese!!!!!! I know it's all about the thought etc but........ She has just rang and told me how her fiancé has lavished her with gifts, designer jewellery and perfume and how they are all going out for lunch with his family. I feel so so alone.

OP posts:

marmaladegranny · 25/12/2014 10:42

Sorry you are feeling so down. Why not wrap up warm and take DS for a walk - play bingo with how many Santas (blow up, lit up or real….) you see. Anyone you meet will wish you Happy Christmas…..

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:43

Nabootique Thankyou I will be fine I just needed a bit of a rant. Hope you have a lovely day too xx

OP posts:

Nabootique · 25/12/2014 10:44

How horrible of your mother! Hope your sister's new perfume gives her a rash. There are lots of people in the same boat as you. I know it's not the same as company, but you're not alone.

bluebell345 · 25/12/2014 10:45

your family is not nice at all. keep contact minimum.
you are a very good mum who made a very nice Christmas for her son.
if you were with them you would get upset anyway, be with nice people.
you are with your most precious thing in the world, that's the biggest happiness.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:45

Marmaladegranny Thankyou I will try my best to drag my son away from his presents lol but don't think he will want to come! Really looking forward to seeing my friends later but it hits home how useless what family ive got are!!!!! X

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 25/12/2014 10:45

Sorry you feel so rubbish. My mum is in a home and my sister doesn't invite me either. I'm in a hotel on my own. I stayed at home last year and found it too depressing. At least I can have some lonely luxury this way.
Hope you enjoy your tea later.

Travelledtheworld · 25/12/2014 10:46

And many of the people who claim they are having a perfect family christmas will be stressed, having arguments, upset by lack of presents etc.

That is sad that you mother isn't interested in her grandson.you can have fun with him anyway.

Bisgetti · 25/12/2014 10:46

Your son is lucky to have a mum who has gone to so much effort for him, I can imagine the happy look on his face when he opened his presents

This time of year is hard on people for many different reasons isn't it, so sorry about your father

Glad you will have some company later on, for now your drink of choice and a cheesy Christmas movie? Coffee and Beethoven for me!

AtTheEndOfTheTunnel · 25/12/2014 10:47

Oh love it's hard sometimes isn't it? I'm on my own with my two boys. I don't see any family as my mother hasn't spoken to me for over 3 years after she had a tantrum on my birthday because she wasn't the centre of attention. I've got an older brother who I barely see. BUT I've got my boys until 4 when they go to their dad's so I'm making the most of it. I'll probably feel a bit down once they've gone assuming I can stay awake as not used to a 5.30am start to the day!

I'd take people's statuses with a pinch of salt as you only have to read some of the threads on here to know that not everyone is having the perfect Christmas.

Enjorasdream · 25/12/2014 10:49

You can feel sorry for yourself, but there is an alternative. You can wrap up warm, take your son to the local park, go on the swings, and sing Christmas songs at the top of your voices.
Why be jealous of the presents some else has? They are just things. The other mans grass is always greener. There are people who would probably envy you that you are happy, healthy and warm, with a child of your own, with an outing to friends to look forward to.
You can't always control what happens to you, but you can control how you deal with it.
I know that is easier to say than to do, but just try it. Life isn't about having what you want, but wanting what you have.
I hope you have a lovely lunch with your little one, and that you enjoy the party later on today.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:50

Bluebell Thankyou. I do love them they are the only family ive got! I'm very family orientated but alas everyone I've loved and relied on has died or left! My sons dad is very selfish i overcompensate massively. My sister is very selfish she left my lovely brother in law and nephew after an affair. I still can't get my head around that! My brother in law is more of a brother than she is a sister. I would've loved to have spent Christmas with him but he goes to his parents. X

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SoftKittyWarmKitty · 25/12/2014 10:51

Your mum is clearly a selfish bitch and your sister is an inconsiderate cow. Quite frankly you're better off on your own than with either of them! If I were you my New Year's resolution would be to minimise contact, if not cut it altogether.

Have some Christmas lunch, go for a walk, then go to see your friends. I'm a single parent too and it's hard but the smell of my turkey in the oven is cheering me up! Hope you manage to enjoy your day.

Tutteredboast · 25/12/2014 10:52

You know Facebook stuff is often nonsense. Those people surrounded by family are probably dealing with all sorts of stressed and tensions which they're not going to put on Facebook.
You can put your feet up, cook and eat whatever you want and watch whatever you want to on TV.
Have some flowers cake and wine!!! (Can't do the icons on my phone)

Fanfeckintastic · 25/12/2014 10:54

Oh trust me even the most picture perfect Christmases aren't all they seem, people get tired, cranky etc. It's a lot of build up.

My lovely hairdresser was telling me the other day how her partner gets so drunk he is very dangerous, doesn't contribute a penny for anything, she's had to leave the house with their baby in the middle of the night, calls her horrible names etc but this morning on Facebook the pictures would make you think they have the most perfect little life. There are many similar examples I could give you, a neighbour proposed to his girlfriend last night with the caption "she said yes" but just a few weeks ago he made serious advances towards me and told me they were in separate rooms, only together for their son.

Trust me you have a much better situation than a lot of people!x

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:55

Thankyou all for your replies I'm sat here in tears! I'm awaiting an operation in the new year am petrified about that, nothing serious but still highlights my isolation. I think I was using Christmas as a distraction for that and now it's here I'm like.... Gulp! My son is 12 so park idea a no no lol! When he was smaller we would've done that. We've trawled the streets many a year looking for some company! Xx

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rainyevening · 25/12/2014 11:03

You sound like a brilliant mum who's giving your son a great Christmas. Find something good on the telly or a DVD and pig out on treats. X

bluebell345 · 25/12/2014 11:04

We gave up looking for company long time ago, it is hard to find a good company, but you have good friends, that's a bonus.
I had an operation too, which worried me a lot at the time as it was hard for me to find someone to accompany us at the hospital. Thanks God its done, everything went fine, hospital, doctors and nurses were all brilliant.
I hope and wish the same for you and I am sure you will be fine. XX

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 11:07

Thankyou....... Just found Back to the Future on the telly!!! Love it!!!! X

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 25/12/2014 11:08

Make the most of those friends this afternoon.
??

mommy2ash · 25/12/2014 11:09

im in a pretty similar situation to you and in the past have felt the same. this year im enjoying myself didn't buy into the hype. really it all depends on how you look at it there is so much in your life to be joyous about. remember in life there is always someone better than you but equally someone worse. many would look at what you have today and be jealous. enjoy the day it's only 24 hours and the world returns to normal tomorrow.

bluebell345 · 25/12/2014 11:09

that's very good :)
and you can go to a cinema, there are very nice films now :)

bluebell345 · 25/12/2014 11:11

I agree mommy2ash, it all depends on how you look at it.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 11:14

I agree too im just feeling low today and my sisters 'gift' was the final straw lol xx

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