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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling really sorry for myself....

48 replies

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 10:37

So I'm a lone parent. Find Christmas REALLY hard. Me and my son are alone all day but thankfully my dear friends have invited us for tea, but not till later on.

I have my mum and sister, both of whom couldn't care less,I lost my beloved dad 20 years ago at Christmas. I've worked really hard to buy my son some lovely presents, he's really chuffed and that's made my Christmas. But im now sat alone, in tears, feeling very sorry for myself, reading everyone's statuses about their perfect family Christmases!

OP posts:

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 11:17

Son doesn't want to come off his new games, fair enough im snuggling up int PJs watching Back to the Future! I know I'm blessed in a lot of ways, I really do, I just feel so isolated. X

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 25/12/2014 11:23

I've just been reading the thread of people who have had enough already and it's not even midday yet.

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 11:30

I know I've read a few of those too! As I say I'm just feeling low today. Feel alone all year, have no support with anything, just feels exacerbated at this time of year. Xx

OP posts:

crispycookie · 25/12/2014 12:02

Shoegal, sympathies! My parents are thousands of miles from here. I'm alone right not but DCs are coming back from their dad at 1pm (who's counting the minutes? ). My DH has gone to his ex's so he can see his little girl open presents on Christmas morning.

However, my DCs will arrive at 1pm. Another good friend of mine (single mum, has a new relationship and her DH has gone to his dad's) will come over with her DD, and might bring a stray, a friend who has no one to spend Xmas with. DH will come over with his ex and little girl (yup, you heard that right!). No turkey, we are having canapés and a nice gammon joint for food later...

It's not a traditional Christmas but it's mine and it will be happy because I make it to be! If you are in London, I would have welcomed you over (my DSs love older boys to play with!). Next year, try and organise a little gathering if you can, pick up some strays if you have to! Ha ha! I'm glad your DS is happy with his haul... It can be hard as I still have yet to do the presents thing with my boys... Only 59 minutes to go!

Enjorasdream · 25/12/2014 12:11

This is the reason I hate TV Christmas adverts. They all imply that you are not hqving a good time if your table is not heaving with food and there are 90 people in your living room. This is what major businesses want us to think as we will all spend more trying to achieve it.
You're happy, warm and fed, and your son sounds like he is really enjoying his gifts. Today you have passed the test of 'lovely Mum'.
In 20 years time, maybe with kids of his own, he will look back and remember how loved he felt.
Those who need to excessively boast about presents they have received often have many insecurities and do it to make them seem well loved and popular.
It may be a cliche, but money isn't everything. Hope you have a lovely time at your friends xx

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 12:22

Thankyou both. I'm in the north west or you would've had another visitor lol. I'm slowly getting over myself thanks to all my mumsnet support. Thankyou all xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 12:23

Crispiecookie have a lovely day when you finally get your DCs back xx

OP posts:

msshapelybottom · 25/12/2014 12:31

I used to feel like this at Christmas too OP. It took a few years for me to stop buying into the idea of a "perfect family Christmas" and really begin to enjoy whatever day I managed to conjour up with my kids. This year I'm on my own as my gang are with their dad and I'm making the most of the peace and quiet.

It does get easier OP. Hope you have a great day with your son.

ScrumpyBetty · 25/12/2014 12:40

Have a good afternoon....maybe put on a Christmas film and cuddle up on the sofa, would your son join you? Thinking of you, and as others have said, you sound like a fab mum and I wish you all the best xx

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 12:43

Thankyou scrumpy. No will he heck as like join me lol he's too cool for cuddling up to his mum! But he's happy! Have a good day too xx

OP posts:

Enjorasdream · 25/12/2014 12:53

Pamper yourself before your party. Take a nice long soak in the bath, moisturise all over, fix your hair and make up, if you wear it. Play some christmas tunes on YouTube and have a little drink maybe to get you in a festive mood for the party.

yummytummy · 25/12/2014 14:28

Oh op its hard isn't it. But you are lucky to have friends to go to. My own family are rubbish and it is hurtful especially when you hear of other people's family days.

I feel lonely and down too just me and dcs. I let exh see them in morning for presents and got nothing but abuse off him. It hurts feels like he has ruined day. Hate having no one really wish there was someone we could go to

Original poster

Shoegal0305 · 25/12/2014 14:52

Yummytummy In the 9 years ive had on my own my son has never been with his dad for Christmas!!!!! I'm glad as I want him but his dad has never even asked!!! He's too selfish! It's really hard. I wish we all felt happier today. I am lucky I have friends to go to but it's still not the same as a proper family. Then again...... Lol xx

OP posts:

yummytummy · 25/12/2014 14:59

Thats awful. These men either want everything or nothing. It is hard. Seems no one has the ideal situation. Especially when people who have partners who have brought for them and its still not good enough!

dontknowwhatnametopick · 25/12/2014 16:09

I'm with you on feeling alone. This is the first Xmas since me and my DS's dad separated. My DS woke up at home this morning and was with me unti midday then went to his dads. The things that are getting me thru today are wine, pizza and chocolate. I have had a lovely bubble bath and painted my nails. I get my DS tomorrow for the day where we will have a Xmas day at my mums, my DS is buzzing as tomorrow he gets to open more gifts and have another a Xmas dinner lol

Trust me letting my boy go this morning was the hardest thing ever but I knew I had to do it for him. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!

Jodie1982 · 25/12/2014 16:16

Sorry you've been alone all day. :(
I couldn't enjoy myself or relax knowing my Daughter n Grandson were home all alone, I'd make sure there was an extra 2 plates of food available. How bloody horrible of ur mum.
Hope you and Son have had an enjoyable day. X

MelanieCheeks · 25/12/2014 16:18

NO-ONE is having the perfect Christmas - it doesn't exist!

Take the pressure off yourself and stop comparing yours to what others are doing. You are with your son, you have friends to see later on, cherish those moments.

Best Christmas wishes

CalleighDoodle · 25/12/2014 16:44

Firstly, delete facebook, or fakebook as I call it! Ive not looked back since deleting it!

Secondly not all of their families are perfect. They might not even realise. I know two men who are both having long term affairs. their wives think their husband is a doting husband and father who works hard for their family. They both are, dont get me wrong, (both successful high earners) but one has been having an affair wih the same woman for 6 years amd the other has for 2 years but as well has had countless one night stands for their entire rel. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doirs, often not even the spouse.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 25/12/2014 17:32

When I became a single parent, I began to celebrate Solstice instead of christmas. Horrible traumas had struck at previous christmases for us too. I also think attempting to stick to tradition would have made me feel quite alone (no family, friends all 100 miles away!).

So, we do something completely different but very similar! Redefining my own expectations of this time of year, has created a completely different feeling and it's a good one.

Besides, I never feel we're missing out when our celebrations began several days before everyone else's

You aren't alone in being alone x

Jollyphonics · 25/12/2014 17:42

It's strange but I was thinking the exact opposite to you OP. I'm a single parent of 2 boys, I have a good relationship with my Mum but she's with her partner this Christmas so it's just me and the boys.

I've been reading the threads on MN about everyone's misery - rows with husbands, trouble with in-laws, ongoing simmering family feuds etc - and feeling hugely relieved I don't have any of that to deal with.

We've had a totally chilled out Christmas day, low-key Christmas dinner, tons of chocolate, and pretty soon I'll get the kids to bed and veg out in front of the TV. Infinitely preferable to some of the supposedly idyllic Christmases some couples are having.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 25/12/2014 17:55

Sorry to hear that you were alone today but hopefully you are in good company now. Lots of places such as town halls & churches were hosting Christmas lunch for people who are on their own. It might be something to consider for next year as well as building a new social network in the new year. Forget your family & concentrate on making new friends. Do you have cousins that you could reconnect with?

FlowerFairy2014 · 25/12/2014 17:59

The bset thing about every Christmas since the divorce is that my ex is not here. In fact every day is Christmas because I wake up without him.

if you want company gosh this time of year men all over the country are absolutely desperate for girl friends. It's peak time. So either enjoy being on your own or do something social/date.

Do remember many couples row at Christmas and it can be the worst not the best time of year although they are not likely to put that on facebook status pages.

I am with Jollyph on this. MY parents rowed for 50 years, my long marriage was not much better and now I am in heaven on earth - single at Christmas, the absolute nirvana.

Ruby6918 · 25/12/2014 18:07

im on my own too my kids r with their dad but im glad that we broke up it was a really negative relationship im watching all sorts of crap tv, im on this same as a lot of us today but just remember its only one day its now six occlock so get urself into a cd/book/tv programme/and ur not the only one on their own today, ive been trying to learn to knit recently its driving me mental but i keep going back to it sometime just takin ur mind off it for a wee while changes ur mood best of luck and take care XX

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