To think I might hate my husband at the moment?

[toofarfromcivilisation]

No help with shopping for Christmas, financially or otherwise. It's 'OK' that we haven't had a card from any of his nieces /nephews even though we have sent presents to their offspring. I have known what my present is for 3 weeks because it has been sat at the bottom of the stairs, unwrapped. We 'had' to go out tonight because he bought raffle tickets. I need to get up at 5.00 to finish things like peeling veg. He is asleep and it's not even sodding ten yet.

Reading these threads makes me want to compile a list of warning signs for my DDs and nieces. Number 1: A grown man with an Xbox? No thanks.

And not taking the initiative get the Christmas lights out of the attic, clean the rabbit hutch, wrap 200 presents, peel the potatoes, source the perfect romantic gift does not a crap husband make. Everyone is crap in some elements of life. Everyone.

No, what makes a crap husband imo is sitting back and watching your wife get the Christmas lights out of the attic, clean the rabbit hutch, wrap 200 presents, peel the potatoes, source the perfect romantic gift.

There's just no excuse for allowing the person you claim to love, to run themselves ragged when you could be sharing the load.

Number 2: A grown man who thinks you use antibac spray by spraying it on the surface and then just leaving it.

I only discovered the other day that OH doesn't know that you need to wipe up afterwards with a paper towel or cleaning sponge because his parents never, ever used cleaning spray...

DH does his fair share at Christmas because he knows that if he didn't then he probably wouldn't get Christmas lunch etc. He knows the children and I aren't that bothered. I do buy most of the presents but as I shop online it isn't much effort. I certainly wouldn't spend hours peeling veg. Why does it take so long and is it really worth it??

I stopped going to my parents house for Christmas a few years ago because my mother made it so much work and stressful. I think a lot of people (mainly women) do that.

worra absolutely if someone is 'sitting' watching all that. But how many men sit and watch their partners do such boring tasks? I'll bet it never even occurred to them. If someone didn't list my good points and did list my bad points whilst also falling to include any mitigating circumstances or flaws in my partner, I would look like a heartless, lazy so and so. That's the danger of threads like these. Not that I'd put up with an x boxish git, mind.

DP is in bed having a nap. But he cooked most of the dinner, was up before me and brought me tea in bed, and bought me way better presents in his last minute dash round the shops yesterday than I did for him with my weeks of planning. Bless him.

We were both wondering this morning how our parents managed to make Christmas dinner such a chore. As a PP said, it's really just a big Sunday dinner, so why is it so stressful?!

Well he didn't redeem himself today. I had three 'wrapped' presents each containing £50 'to go and shop' plus a book I'd ordered from Amazon for him to give me that was gift wrapped around the Amazon cardboard packaging.

Sorry to hear this toofar :(

I only discovered the other day that OH doesn't know that you need to wipe up afterwards with a paper towel or cleaning sponge because his parents never, ever used cleaning spray

Interesting - MIL came to ours for dinner and helped clean up. she couldn't believe we use anti-bac spray to clean worktops and I watched in horror as she shook her head at the suggestion, dunked a tea towel in the basin water and spread smeary not all that clean water all over my worktops.

WTF is wrong with anti-bac spray?!

It makes me to see so many women with so many useless men. It also makes me grateful for my lovely MIL, whom DH and I still miss frequently - she had three sons and she did not raise manchildren.

Christmas shopping is a fun day out for the four of us - we pair up and buy presents for people in the other pair, then switch after a nice lunch so everyone is shopped for. Any stuff DH and I want to get for the DDs in secret we discuss and get online.

Christmas dinner is shared - DH is the turkey expert, he preps, cooks, carves. He also does the roasties. DDs and I do the veg, gravy and additional bits. We only ever invite people we like over for Christmas dinner so it's never stressful. Today we had a great day with DH's nephew, his wife and their DD - found out that she is pg again, in first trimester so very, very, very tired and sick, so we all rallied round and waited on her hand and foot.

Next year it will be just the 4 of us, unless my DF is no longer with us in which case we will have my DM over to stay - and she is the least fussy guest you could imagine.

Christmas is what you choose to make it.

I don't think how someone is raised is an excuse either. My husband went to boarding school, then spent his holidays at his parents' house where they had several servants (lived abroad). He taught himself how to do things like cook, clean and buy his other half nice presents without any problems.

Some men just choose to be dicks.

You can peel veg night before, leave in cold water in fridge overnite & its fine - dont know which telly cook said that but i distinctly remember it. I think you need to lay the ground rules for chore sharing well ahead if you have a man child. Then if they dont man up and help you put in some consequences. (they have the kids for a whole day on their own, or do something you dont want to do on your list). Only way they learn: otherwise they know you will take up the slack, so why should they bother?

Agree with sliceofsoup, watchws my mother enjoy playing the martyr for year and thought no way no how, how passive aggressive and pathetic.

I'm not passive or pathetic but thank you for your comment :-)

Really enjoyed reading through this thread again.
Keeping it on my next Christmas list.

I've had the misfortune to have been married to a man-child for 33 bloody years. Apparently, I'm attractive and intelligent according to some, but something in me has been conditioned to think that I have to wait on my husband hand and foot, just like his mother did, even though our circumstances now dictate that I have to pay my own way. Get this - I give him breakfast in bed every day of his life, he asks me what he's wearing when he gets up - and sometimes asks if I'll polish his shoes if he "hasn't time", which is usually because he's smoking yet another fag. He leaves the bathroom like a swamp and doesn't clean the toilet if he leaves skiddies in the bowl. He never cooks, expects a meal on the table when he comes in and has hardly ever carried a dish to the sink, never mind washed one. He'll only take the rubbish out if I tell him to do it. He will shop for me if I ask him to, but that's the extent to which he'll help out. I'm the one who worries about the bills. When I married him, he was from quite a wealthy family, then they went on to lose everything. He was always kind and very generous to me until our own business went under, and now we're 60 and living in a furnished flat, the rent of which I usually pay with my meagre earnings. I have no security whatsoever. He does work hard, and isn't lazy on that front, but he's self employed and we have an awful lot of very lean times. Hard though it is to believe, he is a good man in a lot of ways and I couldn't leave as we need both incomes just to exist and I'd feel it was just a case of kicking him when he's down. I wouldn't have another bloody man if you paid me - but who'd want a skint 60 year old woman anyway ? Jeez - I've just read what I've written and realised I must be certifiable ! LOL