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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I might hate my husband at the moment?

115 replies

toofarfromcivilisation · 24/12/2014 21:57

No help with shopping for Christmas, financially or otherwise. It's 'OK' that we haven't had a card from any of his nieces /nephews even though we have sent presents to their offspring. I have known what my present is for 3 weeks because it has been sat at the bottom of the stairs, unwrapped. We 'had' to go out tonight because he bought raffle tickets. I need to get up at 5.00 to finish things like peeling veg. He is asleep and it's not even sodding ten yet.

OP posts:
Newshoesplease · 25/12/2014 02:25

I agree chippy. Have read the whole thread thinking, "excellent, if dh stops being an equal partner, must remember it's my fault".

Original poster
toofarfromcivilisation · 25/12/2014 02:32

It just happens along the way I suppose. Ten years ago things were different I think. I had more energy and suspect he did too. No, veg. doesn't take long to do but it's me awake at stupid O'clock worrying about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
toofarfromcivilisation · 25/12/2014 02:47

And to everyone who has said 'why are you doing it' its to make today lovely for my Mum really who is 85 and deserves it. If she wasn't here I would opt for the beans on toast!

OP posts:
Original poster
toofarfromcivilisation · 25/12/2014 03:18

Have just gone downstairs, outside and into the garage to get streaky bacon and sausages out of the freezer. And you all thought peeling veg at 5.00am was stupid! Glad I remembered though! Pigs in blankets are the best bits....plus I finished the glass of wine I stuck in the fridge last night...

OP posts:
HoldenCaulfield80 · 25/12/2014 03:18

My DH has always been a bit like this but this year with a 4 week old baby I decided to let him deal with his family's presents and if they got nothing, it was his problem. Christmas Eve and they're all sorted. Not the most imaginative offering but I didn't spend the last month stressing about them so job's a good 'un, I say!

The lying in bed snoring is another matter...

Adarajames · 25/12/2014 03:49

I read threads like this and am just so glad I'm gay!

We'll be doing Christmas dinner for around 170 people, even then we won't start veg prep until around 8am

Whippet81 · 25/12/2014 05:32

we married well seriously Hmm

You've completely written my DP off because he hasn't written the Christmas cards?

I really don't believe for a second that the women on this thread only know men who take an absolutely equal share in Christmas - BS. It is far more woman-orientated - and I was only talking about Christmas (and birthdays tbf) he is an excellent dad, works very hard and does half of the housework and half of the night baby looking after. He also does everything with the cars etc. He's just fucking useless at Christmas and this was what OP was saying and letting off some steam.

Agree with the poster who said it is very victim-blaming to say that women who are with men who don't do exactly half of every situation only have themselves to blame.

Why do women do it? I think women generally embrace Christmas more than a lot of men - they see it more of a season than just a day and maybe get far too worked up about it (as I do) and feel the pressure more. Maybe an approach more between the two would be best for everyone. Also would you seriously let your kids get up Christmas morning and have nothing wrapped and no dinner sorted just so you can say 'well it's your dad's fault I opted out this year'?. No. Yes I'm pissed off that he's left everything to the last minute and I've had to do a lot of it but it's not a LTB situation.

CheerfulYank · 25/12/2014 06:01

Decaf it's past time, sounds like. Have a lovely day with your daughter. Thanks

My DH and I do things fairly equally. He's having to step up tonight though as I have been hit with a hideous D&V bug. Merry Christmas to meeee.

lightgreenglass · 25/12/2014 06:23

Decaff - your post made me cry. Dont leave your DD today and don't put up with this any longer. Merry Christmas.

whatnow2 · 25/12/2014 07:24

I asked my h if he would help with the wrapping and he said no making some sneery comment about presents (he thinks they are materialistic and does not give anyone Xmas or birthday gifts).

What riled more was the fact that before the dc went to bed he was chatting about Santa with them so presumably he doesn't want them to wake up to no gifts HmmAngry?

BarbarianMum · 25/12/2014 07:24

Decaf you may have self esteem but it's not so low that you can't see this man is awful to you. Wishing you a 2015 of happiness and freedom.

PS text his parents and say you can't make

cookiemonster100 · 25/12/2014 08:23

decaf it's time lovely, enjoy today with your daughter Flowers
chippy Totally agree with your point. Why is it woman that are to blame? I do think their fault on both sides but the men are def not blameless.

Merry Xmas everyone. Hope you have a lovely day Xmas Smile

sanityisamyth · 25/12/2014 08:33

I hate mine too. We don't speak. If we do we just argue. We haven't got each other any presents or a card. We were giving it until Christmas to see if we could manage staying together for the sake of our 1 year old son.

clam · 25/12/2014 08:38

Some selective reading going on here, as always. Of course it's not women's fault if their partners are lazy. Nor is it that other MN buzzword of "victim-blaming." However, if they choose to put up with it for whatever reasons, then they get what they get. Why on earth is it OK to be slaving around the house all day on Chriatmas Eve while their other half pisses about on the X box?

Saymwa · 25/12/2014 09:06

Great to read these honest posts about the hard work surrounding Christmas.
I have felt comforted that the huge row I had with my DH a few days ago was well timed. After so many years of doing it all myself and accepting the load so as to avoid his scowling or grumpiness I have begun to insist more that he participates. And , wow, am I pleased Smile - the changes !!!

But all rowing out of the 'days of Christmas' time frame - before and after.
So I'm making a list of things that I am not ok about so I can ask for (push for) for more changes next year . And then I'm going to work for an agreement and write them down so that we (DH) don't forget them for Christmas 2015.
Wishing A Merry, Loving and Peaceful Christmas to you All for 2014.

ouryve · 25/12/2014 09:21

Oh decaff. I hope you're having a lovely day with your DD. LTB is a great Christmas present for you FlowersWineChocolate

And agreeing that it's so easy to get into a rut with a partner that doesn't pull their weight. My ex was the type who, when he did do something, wanted congratulations for it. I tried making a clear delineation of chores - so he hired a cleaner to do his bits, including running the dishwasher.

DH is currently washing up, while I MN and think of shoving a ready boned and stuffed duck in the oven, spending about 10 minutes peeling and parboiling spuds, then running myself a bath.

bananas123 · 25/12/2014 09:45

This year I have wrote a list of cards and dd wrote all of them. I bought some bits of ebay. Dh is cooking and wrapped everything. We went out together to do all other xmas shopping. I don't agree that Christmas is female orientated at all.

ilovesooty · 25/12/2014 09:49

I think if people made less fuss about a one day commercialised "celebration" there'd be less finger pointing and resentment about who's done what.

Jingalingallnight · 25/12/2014 09:53

The year I left ex, he asked me at 9.30 at night on Christmas Eve if I needed him to do anything. Of course absolutely everything, shopping, wrapping, decorating, entertaining the kids, preparing for Xmas lunch, had been done by then. I was so angry with him I could not even answer.

I was thinking this morning how much hard work it takes to prepare for Christmas and that I had done it all alone. Then I remembered I did it all alone when I was married too!!!

Jingalingallnight · 25/12/2014 09:54

The only going he was good for was fixing things on Christmas Day.

Jingalingallnight · 25/12/2014 09:54

Thing sorry

usefully · 25/12/2014 09:59

Thanks for this thread.

Reminds me how unhappy I was with my ex, and how much better off I am now :)

Discopanda · 25/12/2014 10:38

I ended up having a go at my man-child when he finally crawled home pissed as a fart. He's spent this morning tidying up and preparing the dinner table and I'm going to set him to work helping me peel veg. Apparently this Christmas Santa gave me a backbone.

Discopanda · 25/12/2014 10:46

I may have also made him sleep on the sofa because I was so angry

ilovesooty · 25/12/2014 10:48

I think I might be a man child. Getting pissed as a fart sounds like far more fun than peeling vegetables. Grin