To think I might hate my husband at the moment?

[toofarfromcivilisation]

No help with shopping for Christmas, financially or otherwise. It's 'OK' that we haven't had a card from any of his nieces /nephews even though we have sent presents to their offspring. I have known what my present is for 3 weeks because it has been sat at the bottom of the stairs, unwrapped. We 'had' to go out tonight because he bought raffle tickets. I need to get up at 5.00 to finish things like peeling veg. He is asleep and it's not even sodding ten yet.

Sorry, this is going to sound harsh, but if some of you have got to the stage in your relationships of having kids, and yet haven't trained your dh/dps to do their bloody share, then I'm afraid you only have yourselves to blame.

Either sort them out or stop complaining.

Happy Christmas.

Have one kid and they become crap? Tell them to step up or they leave, no more kids with such cretins. Split and find someone decent or go it alone is better than a lazy twunt who has zero respect for you or his family.

It's a really easy trap to get into, you start off being "the one who does the cooking" or you do things for them to be nice and they invariably end up taking the piss and before you know it they're barely lifting a finger and they haven't done things they said they would or given you a night off cooking.

No one trained me, and I grew up not knowing how to run a house. It wasn't hard to puzzle out. When I go to work, I am expected to know my role and perform it. So is everyone. Why are men different when it comes to the home, children, household admin, etc?

'you do things for them to be nice and they invariably end up taking the piss and before you know it they're barely lifting a finger and they haven't done things they said they would or given you a night off cooking.'

They do not invariably take the piss. When they start, that's when you don't accept it or the relationship ends. 'Give' you a night off cooking? Why do you stay with and procreate with a person like this? I would feel contemptuous of someone who had no respect for me, our relationship and our family..

This is such a sad thread. It's sad for a few reasons, but mostly, because people have placed such pressure on themselves to make christmas 'perfect' that they are wearing themselves out, and it doesn't sound happy and fun, it sounds like a chore, stressful, and unrewarding.

I would prefer to have beans on toast with presents wrapped in newspaper in a happy, fun and excited house than the stress that so many of you are under to get things right.

I am also sad that so many people are in relationships where their views on men are so negatively clouded. We all have faults, men and women. DH is no saint and there are things about him that infuriate me. I am pretty certain that is the same vice versa. But, there are also many things about him that are fabulous, and I hope! vice versa.

I hope that those getting up at 5am might find a way around that, to reduce the stress. perhaps next year, buy the vegetables pre-prepared, that's one less thing to do.

and I agree with many posters who have said that if you are in a relationship with a man who makes you feel this way, then the relationship is wrong. It's not 'men' that are the problem, it's the man you are with, or, the relationship that you are in.

Tbh if someone did everything for me I'd probably stop doing all the boring stuff. Why do you do it all? If he doesn't help with the dinner then he doesn't get any dinner. If he doesn't so any washing then he has no clothes. If he doesn't buy any presents then he doesn't get any etc. I swear some women just enjoy being treated at servants. If you don't like the way they are either get rid or change it.

Now I admit , I've done probably 90% of the present shopping , and 100 percent of the food prep , but then DH has done all the driving of DS to work and back , which this week is over 150 miles , plus done the animal supplies run , cleaned the lounge top to bottom , put up god knows how many sets of Christmas lights and washed eight floors , all tasks which I am shit at . He knows I'm happier peeling potatoes with a glass of sherry in one hand , veg peeler in the other and a bit of Marple on the kitchen planner.

I can kind of see how it happens . It's an insidious process , that starts with 'can you just do ....... ' whatever , which you take on because hey it's just one thing , right ? And maybe , it starts because you're on maternity leave , and he's at work and you've got the extra time so ....... Except that when you go back to work , you keep the same tasks , until one night , usually Christmas Eve or similar , you look around and think hang on , how did we get to this ? Where I'm 'just doing ' it all . No no no . Nip it in the bud from the off , if he needs you to do something , he does something in return. Then you can both slump on the sofa two hours earlier instead of one seething with resentment and planning on stuffing more than just the turkey .

argh!!! Why do you put up with it? My husband has just cleaned the kitchen and gone to get me a midnight snack. MIL is doing all cooking tomorrow, I'm putting my feet up.

If one of us makes a meal, then the other one makes the next one. I thought division of labour was pretty normal in almost 2015!

Another one saying many (if not most) men are rubbish at Christmas stuff. I wouldn't assume it's representative of the other 360 or so days of the year - only you know that. If he's generally ok, I wouldn't ruin what you have over it. Though I won't deny it sucks.

And not taking the initiative get the Christmas lights out of the attic, clean the rabbit hutch, wrap 200 presents, peel the potatoes, source the perfect romantic gift does not a crap husband make. Everyone is crap in some elements of life. Everyone.

Said as someone who has bought and wrapped 99% of the gifts, written and posted all the cards, including to his side of the family, and asked a million times, with varying degrees of success, for the Christmas lights to be put up. However my husband is presently doing the washing up and has done all childcare over the past couple of days, will be cooking the turkey tomorrow whilst also be fielding a stream of questions from both our three year old daughter and my sick, elderly father. He has put up with my Christmas-exacerbated PMT and would not dream of complaining about his position in comparison to the lot that will be enjoyed by many husbands tomorrow - few responsibilities, kicking back with the wine flowing, watching Christmas movies in a relaxed atmosphere...he would have loved that but I can't make it happen for him. Tomorrow, he'll be warm and humble and do everything he can to make sure everyone else has a good time. Because he's a good bloke despite the being crap at Christmas. That's all I was trying to say.

Merry Christmas all! Can I just say, my DH is great most of the year, does his share (pretty much!), cooks and helps with kids and chores. Come December he turns into this useless being who sits on the sofa on his ipad while I shop, wrap, write cards etc. he still does the things he usually does, he just fails to grasp how any of the extra work that Christmas brings could possibly be also his responsibility. Why do I accept it? Not sure, probably because I can't be arsed to argue about it. But he does cook Christmas dinner, including all prep. Doesn't get up at five to do it though!

I've never cooked a Christmas dinner or done the Christmas food shop. DH has never organised presents or cards. We both decorate the tree. Everyone's a winner.

I do think some women appear to martyr themselves when I read these threads.
I'm a single parent to two children and am having family over for Christmas dinner.
There will be a total of eight of us.
I haven't run myself ragged. My children helped me with a little cleaning today, then we spent the rest of the day watching films.
Tomorrow I'll be up at 7am at the earliest to watch the children unwrap presents from Father Christmas, then I won't start preparing dinner until at least 10am.
It's only a glorified Sunday dinner. Who on earth needs to be up at 5am to peel vegetables unless you're preparing food for about 30 people or more!

Fuck me, why do you stay with these man-children? I'm a bloke, and somehow I can remember everyone's Birthday and Christmas cards/presents. I can even wrap them all. I do it my magically writing it all down on a calendar.
This image of hopeless men struggling with basic tasks is everywhere; the media, advertising especially. These men are only bad at stuff like this because people ENABLE them to be so.

Lol, reading that back makes me realise that I sounded grumpier than I meant it to.

Having a conversation with DM yesterday we decided that if all women disappeared off the face of the Earth Christmas would probably die out in a couple of years.

Nope, Not true. DH is the one that's run around all the shops earlier today making sure we had all the food in for Christmas dinner,
He's the one that menu plans all the actual day food, from starters, main course to dessert.
If it was left up to me, I'd have a panic and serve a load of crap compared to what he usually conjures up, lol.
I'll probably spend tomorrow morning equally Mumsnetting and playing board games with the small people whilst he slaves away getting dinner ready.

DH is fair to middling on the MN xmas scale of uselessness.
I have done all the present shopping and wrapping for Ds and my family. DH has done his family. They are getting some ill thought out rubbish and he will probably not wrap it until boxing day morning (thats the day we drive over) but thats his look out.
He has slept in today and has not helped me clean the house or with childcare. I think he slept in and then fucked about on facebook.
He will, however, be cooking christmas dinner tomorrow. Guinea fowl and roast veg at about tea time, I believe.
Im doing the lunch buffet, which should just involve taking things out of the fridge and putting it on the table. I did shop for the stuff though.
No one is getting up at 4 to peel veg btw.

I need to get rid of my dp. I want one who averages at more than one orgasm a year for me. Plenty of reasons I've put up with it for so long but, I'm wasting some good years on someone who'll never give me the kind of relationship I want and need. I might need some support to get out of it though and my usual sources try to dissuade me every time i mention breaking up with him because they think I'll be lonely. I'm lonely with him so that doesn't matter. And, he's ' trying' apparently, though I don't see why that should impact my decision when the results are what affect me, not whether he's ' trying'- and if this is him trying then there's really no hope!

/rant about my circs. OP yanbu. Selfish isn't attractive.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to leave my daughter, who I no longer live with full time so or time is previous, to go to his parents for Christmas lunch. She's invited, but for complicated reasons cannot come, which is known by all. Watch him open the £300 present he's bought himself, (there won't be a present for me) then drive back to be with my daughter having missed the main Christmas meal of my family. The following day, he's not coming to my father's for afternoon tea because he ' can't be bothered'.

It's filling me with anxiety but, I think I'll not be bothered to go to his parents' tomorrow for lunch.

Maybe I could send a text cancelling my attendance with apologies? It would be more notice than when he went on holiday for two weeks to the outer Hebrides, without letting me know, turning his phone of, calling me on day ten to say something drunken about sunsets before hanging up, not to be heard from until day 15 when he turned up at my door as though nothing was wrong. He needed time to himself to find himself. And although his trip had been entirely self funded there was no willingness to contribute towards the dinner he sisters we go out for to talk about his trip.

I have serious self esteem and other mental health problems though. I'm a stupid head. Well, I've been a stupid head. I'm not leaving my child for Christmas lunch tomorrow though so, something's going to happen, and I expect it'll be the end.

It's time.

This is why so many relationships end over Xmas.

All the things we let slide or compensate for during the year get squashed into a short period of time and magnified. you can ignore things no longer.

At some point it becomes all too easy to see reality loud and clear. And BAM it's over!

decaf it really does sound like time. Enjoy your day with your daughter xx

Have to say I loathe this whole 'if your man is useless and takes the piss you only have yourself to blame'. Bollocks! So the onus on having a good relationship is all on the woman? Men aren't held responsible for their laziness simply because women don't physically force them to do what is needed? Where does it end - is every problem with the man a woman's fault because she's been unable to change him? It sails dangerously close to victim blaming.