To think I might hate my husband at the moment?

[toofarfromcivilisation]

No help with shopping for Christmas, financially or otherwise. It's 'OK' that we haven't had a card from any of his nieces /nephews even though we have sent presents to their offspring. I have known what my present is for 3 weeks because it has been sat at the bottom of the stairs, unwrapped. We 'had' to go out tonight because he bought raffle tickets. I need to get up at 5.00 to finish things like peeling veg. He is asleep and it's not even sodding ten yet.

Why do you all put up with these guys? They don't seem to appreciate you so why do you put up with them?

I echo belle - WHY do you put up with it and please remember you don't need to!

Sorry to add, my partner has been really active in the prep for tomorrow. He did have some days off, but even if he didn't he would have done all he could. ,

Can I join the club? I've had a million and one things to do tonight and DD has been up 5 times since 7pm. DH declared he's 'chilling' tonight and has sat in his Xbox in the living room like some pathetic manchild drinking beer and howling down his headset for no apparent reason. I have probably ruined the trifle for tomorrow as custard is sitting on the stove having knocked it off twice already. Haven't even got presents under the tree yet.

Not even an offer of help. Apparently he's getting up at 6 to clean as we have guests (yeah right!). I'm trying to settle DD in our bed now, I'm so furious that he gets away with this. If usually argue the toss but want to have a nice day tomorrow not wake up to an argument.

And no he wasn't like this when I married him. Having a child has changed him he seems to have become selfish and uncaring (not to DD TBF just to me )

Men are like this because women let them be like this. Are the presents bought?yes, and wrapped ?yes ,and the veg will be peeled?yes, don't do it and then they'll get the message when no one has any presents or veg on Xmas morning. My husband's family's presents are sorted out by him and it will be like that forever or they won't get anything. Also he's making dinner tomorrow and I'm sitting in my pants cos I make his lunch every day of the year. Teamwork makes the dreamwork!

Do not get up to peel veg at 05:00.
Just DON'T.
You can't possibly have to.
But in any case, when you get up tomorrow at a reasonable hour, simply say "can you sort the veg out please?". If he doesn't, then no veg tomorrow. Not the end of the world.
I'd seriously be considering what made him worth staying with if he wouldn't peel some carrots though.

to you.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory my OH is always "too busy" to help around the house but seems to fit in plenty of time to play on his Xbox so I took his games and his them a couple of weeks ago. I might sell them and buy myself something pretty.

Is he normally a great person during the year? Or as others say why on earth do you bother. You are not a personal shopper for him.

Sorry, but who TF wakes up at 5am to peel veg?? Life's too short for that sort of shit! I have in the past peeled veg for xmas lunch but I've never woken up at 5am to do it! Just give it a good scrub and it'll be fine.

Dh has spent the day hosting my family. My sister and I went to a late afternoon carol service returned to find dhs had dinner on table and all dc in bed - fizz cooling in the fridge. We married well.

To the poster who said he never offered, hand the child to him. Jeez man up would ye and give them jobs to do.

A lot of unhappy women are describing their dysfunctional "relationships" tonight on this thread and others. It is so sad.

My dh has just gone to the pub to meet my db however today he has cleaned the house and wrapped all the presents while I was doing the cooking. So all I have to do while drinking my wine is wrap a couple of things for him.
My dm used to do it all and was absolutely frazzled. Don't get up at 5 or if you do make him get up too.

Most men I know are not like this either. DH is downstairs prepping food and baking a cake. He's done his fair share of Xmas shopping, wrapping and cards. He's organised a day out for us all on Boxing Day.

I couldn't respect a man that carried in doing his own thing while I ran myself ragged.

I' sorry, I'm cooking for 8 tomorrow with carrots, parsnips, sprouts and potatoes - the peeling of those will take me 20 mins.

If you want to make yourself a martyr that's a different matter

I don't buy dh's family gifts. That's his job.

He spent today panic shopping for them after ringing me several times to ask for advice. I'm afraid I just leave him to it.

It's not 'help'. It's doing you fair share. I would never put up with someone like this. The minute they behaved like this, I dumped. And if I had married a lazy twat like this, we'd be divorced early on.

Who gets up at 5 to peel veg?

Fuck that.

My husband has a mother who waited on him hand and foot.

He got with me and that stopped or he knew I'd street him. We do our fair share.

I don't see how anyone could ever find such a thoughtless selfish lazy person attractive enough to shag.

My DH has been on jury service for the last 12 weeks and so this year, he is completely out of routine.

For the first time in 13+ years, he hasn't been able to do as much Christmas shopping as in the past and he feels really dreadful about it.

He has no need to feel dreadful, I only work part time and so I was happy to pick up the slack. Our DS's told him to let them know what he wanted to buy me for Christmas and they were happy to go and get it for him, rather than see him battle the shops on Christmas eve (although he would have been happy to do it).

So today he's spent his time helping me wrap a ton of presents, he's boiled/glazed/roasted a ham joint and prepared a buffet dinner without my input.

Tomorrow he'll be cooking Christmas dinner for 8 of us and the only help he'll want is for me to carve the joints.

He does it because he wants to and he enjoys it, but even if he didn't he would chip in and help make Christmas happen because it's really not fair to leave it to one person when you're supposed to be in a partnership.

Mine has been quite good, he cooked a lovely meal tonight and walked the dog. I have done 95% of the wrapping though and the sending of cards and all the food shopping. Tomorrow he will cook for seven of us but I generally do all the washing up, cleaning up etc.

Bloody hell, how big is your pile of veg?

Are women 'good' because they cook an occasional meal or do the washing up? Are men 'lucky' when they marry a person who does her share of the work involved in life?

YANBU!!! I can't believe how acceptable this kind of behaviour seems to be. I wouldn't spend one day of my life with a man like that.
I usually take the lead with cooking and DP assists because I'm the better cook. However, he always puts everything away and cleans the kitchen because "you need to rest, you just cooked dinner!" Yes, my presents get wrapped (and bought) late-ish but so what - he makes sure I never see them beforehand and they're always genuinely brilliant.
Ladies, please don't put up with someone who doesn't wish to care/look after you as much as you do for them.

Sometimes I think these men are only pretending to be useless. In reality they're capable but utterly lazy and get away with it because the women in their life let them. But why do they let them?

chippy similar problem with me too. Since this kids turned up DH became crap. I want to change things just don't know how.....