To think people are respected more if they are rich?

[TheFaultInOurStars]

Ive been in email correspondence with someone over a formal matter. I haven't met the person in RL. She gave me her address for posting something and I googled it to see where she lived. (Yes, I am nosy!)
It happened to be in a mahoosive house with a stunning garden in an affluent area which she paid three quarters of a million pounds for. She's also married to a doctor.

But now my perception of her has changed. In an instant. I suddenly thought shes more educated than me, she's more clever than me, shes better than me. I feel beneath her whereas before I didn't think anything of her really.

Am I right in thinking that people give you just that little bit more respect if you're rich, you're just that little bit more important?

and one certainly doesn't want to attract partners who sniff an easy ride!

Word I wouldn't worry about it....trust your own dc and bring them up to know what love and respect is!

Pag, my comment wasn't personal to you, it was me thinking about how I must appear to the world at the moment and how we all appear to each other and my recent dealings with people I know Nowt about through recent NCT experiences which is a unique and odd set up.

MrsS, the woman would probably love it if you call her and forget she's got money.

Dh and i are somewhat frosty with the folks in our area who ignored us for years (as we were clearly of no interest or importance) until they found out which house we owned. Now they couldn't be friendlier. The phrase "jog on" springs to my mind every time I see them these days.

On the children thing, again I am with Word and her dh. I fret that our young dcs will grow up thinking that their lifestyle is normal. I also fret that they will think they don't have to work hard in life if they think it's all there waiting for them on a plate.

But in answer to the OP, I'd drop someone like a stone if I thought they were being nice to me because I have quite a decent house or a reasonably well paid job. I think most people are wary of someone who is trying to get something out of them. A quid pro quo I guess you tend to get on better with people who have similar interests to yourself, and being motivated, ambitious and well educated people will tend to have a few friends similar to them.

Likewise, you also get people who practice reverse snobbery, who look down upon you because you have a better paid job than them. Again, I drop anyone like a stone who comes out with stuff that suggests that.

Most people tend not to mention who they are. I had an evening with someone who didn't say anything about their very famous business family. It was only during the course of the conversation I remembered the family although I didn't say I knew and he didn't mention it which was very British I expect.

I think people get on based on personality rather than what they earn. Also however much I earn I will never spend much as I hate things like shopping and cars.

• think people get on based on personality rather than what they earn

well this is it....

**MyBaby1day Are you serious!?!?

Jaffa. Did you get a private message by anychance? The poster has been banned.

I think unless you are filthy rich or dirt poor there isn't a huge difference in how you're treated.

No one has ever known how much I made and I'm not in a stable job type. Some jobs I've made more than a good majority of people. Some jobs I've made far less. A few years ago I worked a job where I could take a nice luxury vacation after only a year of saving, while now I live paycheck to paycheck. In a few years I could be making quite a bit. It's one of those unpredictable contract high risk, high rewards sort of jobs.

I have a wide range of friends from all statuses and walks of life. Wealth means nothing to any of us. We always choose places to meet up that are in everyone's budget so we can all have a good time.

I often think my kids work harder because we have money It seems important to them to make their own way and prove they 'could' manage without any parental help.
I don't think people's work ethics are always associated with their wealth.

I'm just guessing but I bet the Doctor who posted earlier would have worked just as hard even if she had lots of money from her parents. Some people are just hard workers and others aren't.

Yes 2015 I suspect personality plays a great part, plus the environment in which a child is nurtured.

Certainly both my DC seem driven to achieve highly, as do many of their peers, despite so many of them coming from uber wealthy families

I have five. I don't want them all to be the same and they aren't, even the non identical twins. So far those in work do all work hard but one of them has no interest in a conventional "getting on" which is fine . I've always said be buddhist monks, contemplative nuns, live wild in jungles, find your own path.

I do think the reason they work hard is both their parents do.

On the thread topic, there is some difference - if you speak with received pronunciation, wear certain clothes, are fairly bright and have confidence that can make a difference. I can go out in one set of clothes and then go out in another and I am treated differently. A man can go into a London bar in his paint overalls and order a pint and return an hour later in a £1k suit and the attention he will get from women (shallow little money grabbers that they can be) will be different.

I think it depends on how you are brought up too. I've seen documentaries about people like Alan Sugar, Donald Trump etc. where they expect their children to work in the business with them. I am not sure that Bernie Ecclestone had the same approach.

The only rich people I know are those who have built up their own businesses or have amazing jobs that they have worked their way up into so they are very clever. They are all lovely people and good friends, in the circle of people in know, probably 1/2 of the wives don't work at all and have not really but they are definitely not stuck up and spend their time with their children.

I mainly feel a bit envious as I fell pregnant by accident after being told I couldn't have children at a vital time in my career which has meant I haven't been able to reach the level I should have. I don't feel jealous as I think jealousy is a horrible feeling but just envious that we could be doing better than we are.

I think those with a business like that usually want the child to start in a different company go get independent experience and only once proved themselves at Goldman Sachs or wherever come back in and I think if I had one of those kinds of businesses that would be my preference too. I suspect BE is a bit sexist - much younger wives, very sexist sport so it may not have been likely his daughters (rather than sons) would take over whereas Trump might be different and his daughter seems good at business. Branson is another - his daughter qualified as a doctor first. I cannot remember what she now does.

There is the clogs to clogs in 3 generations point which is fairly common too - one or two generations work their way up and the third is back down again.

Not that any of this matters as I keep saying - it is waking up not ill and not mentally ill which for me and most people is the absolute priority.

Chaz's post mentioning the Ecclestones had me doing this . I look at my dpils and think they did a marvellous job raising their dcs to be lovely and hard working people who certainly don't look to their parents for a handout. What 2015 and Word said about working hard to prove their independence certainly resonates there. I think it comes from dpils expectations of their dcs.

I actually quite admire Ivanka Trump. She could have been a Paris Hilton.

Another thing that has benefitted my DCs from having wealthy parents is that I think its allowed them to focus on what interests them in life rather than getting sidetracked by thinking making money should be the number one objective.

DC1, DC2 and DC3 are all home from Uni at the moment and it's good to hear how much they are enjoying their studies. They are studying sensible subjects- medicine and maths etc but it looks like they may choose slightly less lucrative but more interesting career paths as they get older. Having the security of money will allow them to do this.

We are so glad we didn't send ours to private school, we felt we didn't need to as our local comprehensive is good and it suited our kids. They don't speak with RC accents and are not the least bit 'posh'. They are happy that they have done well academically even though they 'only' went to comprehensives.

If people want to dress up, speak RC and try and fit into a stereotype to succeed then good luck to them but Its not important to me.

2015, that's a great observation. My dad ran his own small company and had periods of no money coming in. I vividly remember how stressed my parents were about paying the mortgage and our very expensive private schools (yes, they were those parents). As a result, I'm always really scared of being broke and some of my career choices have been made based on that fear rather than what I love doing which is great but not lucrative at all.

Having had reason to attend a 20th reunion at a rather posh public school recently (not my own I hasten to add) I was surprised by how varied and interesting people's careers were. Nary a banker or lawyer in sight, but lots had their own businesses, high up in creative professions etc. Im sure it is partly the ethos of the school and the kind of parents who send their kids there. But it is also a hell of a lot easier to take genuine risks in your career if you know there is zero risk of ending up on the streets as a result. One reason why many aspirational working/lower middle class parents steer their kids towards traditional professions is that they hold the promise of stable and guaranteed income. I'd have loved to see my dads reaction if I'd decided to go to art college, for eg!

having money behind you gives you choices that are totally absent for many many people...I genuinely wonder if people that grew up with choice ever know what its like not to have any....not just for the odd month/year or too, but for most of your life

I don't think people who grew up with choices are a homogenous group, in the same way that those who didn't, also aren't a homogenous group. My dh genuinely has no idea what it's like to be broke. He once asked me "How does one get an overdraft?" however it doesn't mean that he lacks the ability to empathise and put himself in others shoes. Because he grew up with money not being an issue he looks past that and straight to the person. It's one of the things I love most about him. That doesn't mean all his well heeled chums are the same.

Yes. My ex lives in a huge detached house in a wonderful area with a swimming pool in the garden blah blah.

I live in a rented flat.

He came by his through inheritance and it's literally the only reason he is anything other than a loser.

DD doesn't care right now but I know she will soon

I think all the above shows how hard it is to generalise. My children will need to earn a living as I am not rich (I might earn a fair bit but I've no savings and they won't inherit anything if anything is left until they are about 60). So like most of the pupils at their private school who are similarly not rich in that sense they need to know they will need to keep themselves. I don't think that's a bad thing. Even if your parents are very rich those parents might divorce or use all the money on drugs or go a bit mad and give it all to charity. If the child has chosen to become an actor or left school at 16 to sit around then they are taking quite a risk even with parents who are rich now surely?

(Zany, but presumably you had a choice to take 2 weeks off work for the baby or 6 weeks and go back full time with no impact on your career but you chose not to make that choice. Is that not correct or were you very ill after the birth or brought up to believe mothers must stay at home. I only ask because I think one reason I earn quite a lot is I made that choice.I know it is not the choice most people take but it is an option for many women and men).

My Dc will inherit a fair sum, single million figures to be divided between 5 of them, but one of my children will require life long care and that has been my husbands goal - to earn a lifetime of salaries for him so that as he grows he can always have home based care. We are constantly told OMG I didn't realise that was your family etc etc etc but the reality is our son had to be provided for and this was the way to do it in a country where there is no provision for those who need cared for. We never thought it would end up like this because we are very wealthy but again I would give it all away in a heartbeat if our DS didn't have the difficulties he does. I think however the fact our son is always on my mind means we don't do daft things with the money, yes we each have our own personal indulgences and mine is first or business class travel and nice holidays but apart from that you would just never know our financial worth.

Yesterday I went out with my children and I bumped into a group of ladies who are the wives of our business associates and I suspect are on the same level financially. I was there in my Markies outfit and they were there in their in their high end designer wear. All of them were lovely ladies and a couple of them are close friends of mine but whilst I can see my friends alone it would never have crossed my mind to want to be part of the group - it seems to much like very hard work to me. There lifestyle is not the one I want, but there is nothing wrong with the life they lead.

Its the same with the cars I have, fabulous cars, bought for me by my husband but when people look I'm more inclined to think they're looking at me in a 'fancy someone like her driving a car like that' - I am so not the part.

For me out money is a lifetime of good care for our son, as well as the means to help our children out as and when we like - and apart from that I can't say its anything else.

Flower - I probably worded my post badly, it is hard to explain it guess, it was through choice really, I took some time off to look after my children until they went to school/pre school full time, I ran a charity whilst I was on a career break and still do work with them which is love.

Don't get me wrong, I am pretty happy with my choice and actually would like to work less days in fact to make things easier with the DCs but I also look back and think if I had fallen pregnant 6 months later things work wise would have been hugely different and I would have been able to go back after a career break at the higher level. I am now struggling to make the decision to make that extra commitment to work.

I feel envious sometimes but in the nicest possible way as it was completely my decision and I am lucky as I earn what would be considered a high full time salary for part time hours.