To think people are respected more if they are rich?

[TheFaultInOurStars]

Ive been in email correspondence with someone over a formal matter. I haven't met the person in RL. She gave me her address for posting something and I googled it to see where she lived. (Yes, I am nosy!)
It happened to be in a mahoosive house with a stunning garden in an affluent area which she paid three quarters of a million pounds for. She's also married to a doctor.

But now my perception of her has changed. In an instant. I suddenly thought shes more educated than me, she's more clever than me, shes better than me. I feel beneath her whereas before I didn't think anything of her really.

Am I right in thinking that people give you just that little bit more respect if you're rich, you're just that little bit more important?

I don't think it is about money, I would not call us rich but we are not short of money but we don't get any more respect than anybody else. I think it is more to do with class.

I must say I'm a bit like that sometimes or was. I met a nice Mum at playgroup years ago. She was having a coffee morning type thing and when we got to her house it was massive with a full time housekeeper. So I agree with you.

I think in society they are, but personally are finding out more and more that these people either had inherited wealth, and or some other tax evasion etc which has enabled them and or their businesses to succeed/grasp market share. Which then irritates me as they are often held up as scions of business.

I think it has been proven that wealth makes people meaner, I heard this on a TED talk the other day. Although I suspect the reason the parents are the boarding school were nice to another pupil was because he was seen as one of them, they were able to know enough about him to understand and help without jumping to conclusions - in the talk rich people gave less to charity but when presented with a story of a particular person's circumstances they gave just a much as the poor people.

I suspect this is connected to rich people thinking they got rich through hard work, because they are deserving. Conversely the view is that poor people don't work hard enough and don't derserve their respect/sympathy/understanding. I remember a Tory, perhaps BoJo himself, claiming he worked for all he had achieved, absolutely nothing to do with being born into privilege, first class private education and endless useful connections via family and schooling.

We live close to a very wealthy area, some wealthy people live here now house prices have gone crazy. Most parents in the very middle class school DD attends are a little wealthier but only because they are older and got lucky buying property at the right time and getting further in their careers before kids. But I only know of one person who had a ridiculously expensive house and she was very normal and had no ego or snobbishness, although she wasn't British. This week my DH worked in a supermarket in this wealthy area - he's an analyst in their head office on a very good salary, but all staff do this store working around Christmas. The stories he came home with were awful, people were so rude and treated him with such little respect, presumably because he was a lowly shop worker in their eyes. I'm sure they'd have treated him more respectfully if they knew his really job title and salary. It's actually really disgusting and I now will make sure I'm especially nice to shop workers, I already try to be. I've had snobbishness because I look young and presumably less well off therefore, including shop staff. Everyone should be respectful to everyone and it's horrible to value people more than others according to their financial worth. I think the government and media are making this worse.

When I was doing home delivery, I found no correlation at all between house size and character. The best clue was the newspaper. Except for Guardian readers, who are enormously confused about everything.

This goes both ways you know.
I have a new friend who moved into our village about a year ago. Beautiful big house, married to a doctor etc. She is paranoid people only try and socialise with her because of said house, swimming pool etc. I think she has enough sense to spot people like that.
I do respect her though. She works bloody hard, is very giving and one of the most honest people I know.
It's not money I respect. It's how people earn it, how they live, how they treat others. Someone I respect the most earns diddly squat helping abused teenagers.

When we moved into the area more than a decade ago we were living in a perfectly nice but not at all flash semi.
Ds1 made friends, I made friends - all usual.
Then we moved here and, after DS1s party here, several parents suddenly became immensely friendly. I never especially liked them, they had only done the 'hi, how are you' thing so I never got back to them.
But it was weird. Why did the sudden revelation that we had a lot of money make them want to be friends with me. What motivates people to do that?

I bet they tell people I am stuck up and mean etc etc too.

I am interested in how you define rich- are we talking well off or loaded?

Please don't judge what you call "rich people" the same way in my job I had the misfortune to have to evaluate a lot of these people for the big houses they wanted to buy and once I had taken down all their details (with them looking down on me a mere Sales Negotiator with 5 yr old Audi) I would find they couldn't even scrap the deposit together to put down on a property after all their out goings where listed so don't please think they are better off than you are,they are all robbing Peter to pay Paul trust me,and never ever put yourself down regards education and your employment every job is golden and important in the grand scheme of things.

Theoretician, I should have said that sometimes the opposite is true, I am usually among the first to jump on the inverse snobbery that can be rife on here, I find it truly horrible.

It is true that in my experience a couple of rich people are twats and a couple of poor people are especially lovely, but that's just because some people are nice and some are not. I don't think it has a huge amount to do with wealth.

Some of the kindest, most generous and thoughtful people I know are very comfortable financially, and some of the biggest idiots I know, or know of are poor.

It's all just people. When people have a problem with how much others do or don't have, the problem is highly likely to be within themselves.

Exactly Woowoo.

Glammanana

"Please don't judge what you call "rich people" the same way in my job I had the misfortune to have to evaluate a lot of these people for the big houses they wanted to buy and once I had taken down all their details (with them looking down on me a mere Sales Negotiator with 5 yr old Audi) I would find they couldn't even scrap the deposit together to put down on a property after all their out goings where listed so don't please think they are better off than you are,they are all robbing Peter to pay Paul trust me.."

Well, except that anyone who sits down with a sales negotiator to work out their outgoing is a self selecting group isn't it? You were always going to be speaking with people who were living beyond their means - most obviously people who need a mortgage. So not really rich people at all?

This thread is funny. When I see someone with a big house or a flash car I don't think they are rich. I think they probably have a huge mortgage or a 20k car loan. I often think the folk with smaller houses and older cars are the ones who are living within their means and have more disposable income. like us I probably respect the latter more than the former obviously.

But that's just another judgement isn't it, with a weird justification.
Do you really believe that everyone with a big house and a car has a huge mortgage and a car loan?

It's all predicated upon the same ideas,
If they are rich -

Someone gave it to them
They were really stupidly lucky
They are mean
They are stupid
No one likes them
She married him for his money
Or - they are not really rich/they are in debt/it's all for show

I'm finding this fascinating. I hate the benefit bashing threads, the immigrants thread, all the 'let's stereotype people and hate them' threads. But people seem really justified on this one.

We're fortunate enough to have a larger than average house. I like it when acqauintences call round for the first time. Almost without excpetion they compliment the house, but even more so they'll express surprise that we live there as they would have had no idea before arriving. Which I take to mean that we're not boastful or snobby rather than the fact that I tend to go around looking like a tramp

We sent our kids to a private school - it turned out to be a waste of money (they suggested a private tutor when my daughter fell "behind" in Maths). When we deicded to send the kids to a local state school (they were youngish anyway) it was clear that there was a divide between the parents (that we hadn't noticed at the previous school). Some parents were a little stand-offish, apprehensive almost. Despite both my wife and I and our butler, au pair, chauffer, and pastry chef being very approachable.

Gosh no - I don't respect people more if they have money. I may feel slight envy because having a vast disposable income makes life easier, but I respect them for who they are, for what they have achieved, and for what they do with that money - as opposed to the fact that they simply have money.

I agree with pag the idea that the rich are a homogenous group with negative personalities is plain daft.

When I was very poor and lived surrounded by the very poor, some people were lovely but some were horrible.

It's just the same now I rich and surrounded by rich people. Some lovely, some horrible.

Obvious really.

Am I respected more now I'm rich?
In RL probably yes. On MN definitely not.

More respected by whom? Not by me particularly I respect people more on account of their character.

I agree with pag and TheWord that its silly to regard "the rich" or "the poor" as a homogeneous group and lump them together. It's similar to other threads about "baby boomers" etc.
Better to take people as you find them than put them into categories and make assumptions.

I think it has been proven that wealth makes people meaner, I heard this on a TED talk the other day

lol, I honestly don't know where to start with this comment

I'm very well off and I think you do get more 'respect' if people think you are rich. I'm married to someone with a big wig job and find some people are really 'nice' towards me because of it. I am not the least bit flashy and I find it a bit insulting that people would think I'm shallow enough to respond to their simpering.

My friends are all totally normal and have a very wide range of incomes. They are all equally lovely otherwise they wouldn't be my friends.

My adult DCs have all ended up with a very wide range (financial range) of friends. From completely skint (tiny council house) to multi-millionaires (numerous holiday homes and private aircraft).

Completely agree that its obvious wordfactory.
Doesn't stop people judging though. First impressions do affect how you see someone, rightly or wrongly.

nothing has changed about the woman in the big house, about whom we know nothing. Only the OP's perceptions have suddenly changed, by his/her own admission.

who has the problem here? Money does not make decent people, nor does lack of money. We all know plenty of examples.

jealousy belongs in the playground. Leave it there.

Sure Tidier, everyone makes snap judgements and life is full of stereotypes - most comedy is based around that.
But the healthy thing is to challenge that and not apply it to individuals. Not to come on mn and have a thread full of people say 'yeah, you are right - those people are always absolute twats'

I have had similar experience to Pag. DH and I run a very successful business from our home and are mostly very much "dressed down". When we moved to our very nice house in our village, I made a few pals through baby groups and nursery, but there was a definite wealthy subset who practically ignored me.

Any how, DS started school and was popular, and quickly into the playdate merry go round. It was actually quite shocking to me how obviously more friendly some people were once they saw our house. For instance, I picked my son up from one woman's house, she had me standing on the doorstep, pushed DS out with a quick "Bye". Then when she got her boy from ours she was suddenly all friendly, practically invited herself in for coffee and I couldn't get rid of her. Suddenly she's my best pal.

Personally I would have no time for someone who changed their attitude to me when they saw my house. I genuinely find this thread a bit surprising-hadn't realised how superficial some people are.