To think people are respected more if they are rich?

[TheFaultInOurStars]

Ive been in email correspondence with someone over a formal matter. I haven't met the person in RL. She gave me her address for posting something and I googled it to see where she lived. (Yes, I am nosy!)
It happened to be in a mahoosive house with a stunning garden in an affluent area which she paid three quarters of a million pounds for. She's also married to a doctor.

But now my perception of her has changed. In an instant. I suddenly thought shes more educated than me, she's more clever than me, shes better than me. I feel beneath her whereas before I didn't think anything of her really.

Am I right in thinking that people give you just that little bit more respect if you're rich, you're just that little bit more important?

This thread is so very interesting. I don't know how to describe my family. We are comfortably in the 10% of the population range. We have a good amount of savings and a couple of properties, no debt other than our mortgage but I would never regard us as wealthy and can't imagine other people would. We live in an ordinary neighbourhood and our house is also ordinary but nice (some people have described it as big but it is very much your normal terrace house in my opinion).

I guess it really is all relative. I would hate for people to judge us because we are not wealthy enough or because we are relatively wealthier. On a day to day basis we just get on with our ordinary lives.

Word I think I've pretty much always known about the trust fund but I didn't realise the extent of my family's businesses (historically- my father sold what he inherited, preferring property and the stock market) until I was 15. My father had intended to tell me a bit later, but Gourmet magazine or Bon Apetit (can't remember which) phoned the house because they were doing an article on "What happened to XX business in Cambridge, MA". I laughed and said they had the wrong number. They asked if my father was XX and I said yes, but it was still wrong and hung up on them. I told my father that evening and he laughed and laughed and laughed at me (and phoned them back the next day).

After that he did start to involve me and by the time I went to college I had a pretty good idea of the amount involved. I was a bit overwhelmed by it and moved 3000 miles away when I was 22 and led my own life. grin]

It sounds really stupid, but I think of it as a legacy which belongs to DC and then their DC and so on. I have a brother who is bipolar and does not manage his meds very well- blowing money is his forte when he is off his medication. My parents protected his share by only giving him access to the income.

At the moment my DC are still quite young (12 & 9). They know my mother left me money and that I manage it- they have no idea as to the amount. I'm fairly certain DS thinks he's one of the less well off at his school and I'm quite happy to let him think that just now. I suspect we will help them with their first house purchase and offer to pay school fees for any children they may have and DH has this crazy idea that they will come on holiday with us forever but that's probably about it unless they are really struggling.

I don't know- I want them self sufficient but prepared at the same time!

(On holidays my adult children come with us because it's nice expensive ski resorts and this summer Barbados. I'm not sure they would if it were a wet weekend in a tent in Wales..... They obviously also separately go on holiday with their own friends too. It's nice.)

taz thank you for being so candid.

My own DC are 15 and where in the past I kept them in the dark by simply omitting to tell them about things, they now ask outright how much we earn, how much property and investments we have.

Natural questions for inquisitive teens I guess.

I do think that we should now start answering their questions properly and introducing them to the idea that we would like to help them but at the same time ensure they pass the good fortune along.

DH feels it will either be a burden or a disincentive and we should tell them nowt

I agree with your husband actually Word. I didn't find out that my parents had any money until they mentioned they bought a bit of land by the sea near the equator. . I thought "oh that's nice, they'll build a little beachfront cottage to retire in". Turns out, they're building something alright: a five star resort.

I was 32.

apatite that's interesting.

Do you think it would be a pressure or a disincentive to be given a trust?

Word

Personally speaking, it would have been a disincentive for me. I chose to slog my guts out through medical school and as a junior doctor there were many times I could have just thought "aw screw it, I'm quitting, this is way too hard". I probably wouldn't have met my wonderful husband whom I met at work. I wouldn't have done so much deeply fulfilling work. I can actually say I have saved many lives (sorry that's not very modest but Ill say it here as I'm anonymous!) and my life is truly worthwhile. I have no self esteem issues as you can see! And none of my perceived self worth is anything to do with money thank god.

I don't expect any inheritance from my parents. There never was nor will be a trust fund. They may choose to leave me something in their will, or nothing at all. I just don't know. And so I have never relied on anything but my own two hands.

Gah, that's turned into a soapbox lecture. Sorry

Actually what I really want to say is that if the money was there, it would have been so tempting to take the easy way out when the going got tough.

Not at all! Thank you so much for your views ( and frankly why should you be modest about saving lives ).

DH thinks like you. Perhaps the DC would test on their laurels if they knew money was coming their way.

That would kill him . He's so hardworking and determined. And of course we both started from nothing so that's as an impact on his views.

I can see his point of view but sometimes wonder how nice it might be for them not to have to worry at all. Certainly they could then choose more risky careers in the arts if they want to.

I'm I allowed to say I feel a slight bit jealous of the wealth that some of you clearly have. Not in a begrudging way but rather in a 'I wish that was me'.

I reckon wealth would be lost on me though as I can't imagine that I would adopt a different lifestyle - not a bigger house, maids, etc. More likely to help those less fortunate. Well that's what I think. Perhaps if I were dripping with wealth I would do otherwise? I may never know.

Pagwatch Wed 24-Dec-14 12:15:42

I have to say I think a lot of the time there is confusion, an interest in wealth or the interest in something more interesting than the norm.

Going a nice semi is well...nice but going to a lovely big house is far more interesting esp if your coming from a nice semi.

For me its more about the interior be it a small cosy cottage to large mansion I love cosy and opulent interiors. A large house done out like an office with cheap nylon carpets and how lots of older larger big houses can be I have seen is not interesting to me.

I have several new mum friends who have large houses but on in particular is total story book and yes - its influenced how I see the owner now I have seen the house because I love the taste the house reflects.

If she knew this or sensed it perhaps she would also think its because I can see she has money. Not so..in my case, I know plenty of people with larger houses and some of them are bland or like anonymous executive rentals with no charm or character. its not about money its about the character the house is showing.

If anyone remembers the Kate Bush house someone posted recently that really illustrates my point well, large but horrid house!

Its very tricky though when people have different incomes, I also know some people who feel uncomfortable because they expect to be judged....its awkward if your getting to know someone...

I take back my last post

A search reveals all.

(Yawn, yawn)

Zita,

Yes, I agree with you but to be fair the people I was posting about were not friendly in an 'oh what a lovely house, I'd love a coffee, how did the move go, when was it built' way.

They were suddenly 'oh pagthe elder must come over to ours, are you coming to the coffee morning, shall I call you' having seen me most days for the preceding three years and just muttered hello.

It was weird and faintly unpleasant. Why did they suddenly think their son should be friends with mine when they hadn't ever invited him before, including parties to which he hadn't been invited.

hehe
Outing people who have name changed isn't usually done. The poster in question has always "owned" their opinions and I assume has name changed out of necessity. It's hardly a case of someone sneaking on to a thread to surreptitiously post.

I'm actually not terribly impressed by intelligence

I agree but there are many different types of intelligence and I like emotional intelligence. I know very bright wealthy people with zero emotional intellegence.

Of course. It's just a general theme on this thread ' they are rich but not very bright' as that is, of itself, a failing.
My mother is poor , has always been poor but actually is not naturally terribly intelligent either. But she has huge levels of empathy and kindness and, unusually, she really listens to people. As a consequence her opinions, advice and insight is way more valuable than people with a much higher IQ.

Chaz you are right I will report my posts.

I don't know Pag, I am just saying from my perspective I would probably be the same but not because I suddenly knew you were rich but because your house, might show a more interesting side to you than I had previously thought....that we had something in common.

In our nct group when they were little and we were all gettting to know each other going to each others houses was so interesting, One lady had pleasant enough house, certainly a house I would see as a small step up from ours...but saying to her " what a lovely house " etc seem to make her feel uncomfortable and she started to explain it away..where I might have said " thankyou it does have a nice feel to it doesnt it, this particular aspect appeals to us and I like the bla...." she was down playing and felt awardk as though she was in bucks house....

I sometimes wonder how any of us manage to ever get past anything with anyone when everyone comes loaded with what they think is going on in other peoples heads.

I think I will want to help the DC out during my lifetime. If I had had a bit more financial back up in the early years I would have probably been a bit less conservative in my approach. I also it was easier to afford property in London when I bought nearly 20 years ago. However I am considering things like match funding i.e. whatever you raise towards a deposit we will match.

hehe
That's good of you

I don't tend to make assumptions Zita. I'm not like that. I didn't load some weird pre-conception onto the women I described. It was an unexpected reaction which surprised and puzzled me which is the only reason I am commenting on it 10 years later.

I didn't load anything on to the situation. It was what it was. Perhaps you could trust that I recounted it accurately without overlaying their reactions.

I think the discrepancy in incomes thing is interesting. I've been working with a fantastic woman, same age as me, and we got on brilliantly. I said "We should go out and have a drink in the new year when all of this is over," and she agreed. I googled her the other day, and she is very well known in her field (which isn't mine) and is worth in excess of £40 million. I wish I hadn't googled her, as I'm now dithering about ringing her. While I was in blissful ignorance of her name, title, status and wealth, I'd have happily dragged her off to my local!

MrsSchaden I don't think you should treat your collegue any differently from anyone else. The fact she is rich (and £40 million is seriously rich) is neither here nor there. I'm bet she just wants a drink with you because you get on well.