To think people are respected more if they are rich?

[TheFaultInOurStars]

Ive been in email correspondence with someone over a formal matter. I haven't met the person in RL. She gave me her address for posting something and I googled it to see where she lived. (Yes, I am nosy!)
It happened to be in a mahoosive house with a stunning garden in an affluent area which she paid three quarters of a million pounds for. She's also married to a doctor.

But now my perception of her has changed. In an instant. I suddenly thought shes more educated than me, she's more clever than me, shes better than me. I feel beneath her whereas before I didn't think anything of her really.

Am I right in thinking that people give you just that little bit more respect if you're rich, you're just that little bit more important?

I have similar experience to that as well. I was a young mum, so I think other parents initial judgements of me were less than favourable, but when they realised I lived in a big house and wasn't claiming single parent benefits I was all of a sudden worthy of being invited to things, and my children were worthy of being friends with their children.

I played the game for a while, but I'm very thankful my children are old enough to choose their own friends now!

When I inherited a considerable amount of money and property a few years ago I went through the worst period of my life, I had just lost both my parents one after the other and then a month later, my DD was taken extremely ill with, what turned out to be a lifelong illness which takes a huge toll on our spirits. I am an only child so no family of my own and some of DH family are sympathetic but not helpful, they think we are rich so must happy you see!

Although we have a lovely home and run a successful business NOTHING is lonelier that to face real life hardship that is breaking your heart and have to face the most spiteful jealousy I never even knew existed because, on the face of it, everything looks nice for us! If only people would think about what really matters, and extend a little kindness. The only ones who do now have money themselves!!

When i was a single parent I used to have long-lasting genuine friends who would not have seen me suffer, but now they have drifted away, it always perceived that everything is just dreamy in my life. In reality I barely cope with the heartache of my grown up child's illness plus the loss of my parents!!

Just for the record we have put all the money away for our retirement, being self-employed and hopefully I will be able to use some to help care for my DD after I'm gone! We just live on what we earn plus some interest, it's not huge amounts of income, we have some nice stuff but do not splash out much or make a show of things, and we are never unkind to others, we reach out and help where we can and will not become bitter about this and change our outlook. I just wanted to put the other side of perceived wealth forward. You might get respect but just try getting true and real friendships, which are much more valuable.

I remember the Jamie Oliver thread where everyone thought he and his wife lived in a fantasy, twinkly dream-world - they don't they are real and normal with heartache and problems coming out of their ears just like you and I.

Agree with everything Pag said.

I find it plain odd that some people would judge me and assume they can define my character by my wealth. It makes me less open to people and less trusting.

I'm also on a US investing forum, the "how people's attitude changes when they find out I'm a secret millionaire" is an oft-repeated topic. (With a smug subtext, though I'm not saying there's smugness in the similar posts here.)

Maybe the people who are suddenly nice are themselves secret (or not-so-secret) millionaires who were ignoring you when they thought you were "other", but are now being friendly because they realise you're one of them? (Nothing wrong with people wanting to associate with people like themselves, that's what's easiest/most comfortable.)

I've been very poor (young mum as well, on benefits) and now I'm wealthier I do find attitudes have changed towards me and my DD. It's not just acquaintances or other mums, but also professionals, which is what really bothers me as it's affected the treatment I've had (being taken more seriously, assumptions that some medical issues were down to lifestyle/parenting).

It still happens a bit now, as I'm quite young to have a teenage child, and I wouldn't appear well-off to many people. I don't even have a big house! But when people find out where we live in London sometimes you can see their minds re-evaluating what they've been thinking about me. I don't think it's always ill-intended tbh, just a shift in judgement.

That wasn't what I meant pagwatch. Nor have I said 'rich people are all twats'. It's just that yes you do get first impressions and yes people judge. Personally I think its shallow to then relate only to the public 'image', for want of a better word, than to the person themselves but then some people are just shallow.
FWIW I agree with what you have said. I can see why my friend was nervous about people knowing where she lives as some are definitely 'house friends' only.

In fairness, often it's probably true that peoples attitudes have just changed because wealth has impressed them.

When caught off-guard I can be superficial myself. A neighbour/acquaintance sent someone to my door who wanted me to sign a nomination for her to be the local candidate for MP for one of the two major parties, the one that has no chance where I live. Her knocking on my door took me by surprise, and just because her name was vaguely familiar/I'd maybe seen her photo in the local paper, I was very effusive chatting to her. I was a bit embarrassed afterwards.

Dh and I are fairly comfortable . This has not always been the case.
However, I drive a five year old car and live in a fairly unremarkable semi.
I don't assume that everyone who has a big house and drives a Range Rover is wealthy because I know a fair few people who appear to be rich but are living beyond their means.
I couldnt care less how wealthy people are. If you show respect to myself and others I will respect you.

Sure tidier - I know I addresses my comments to you but they were not at you iyswim.
You are right, we all look at others with a series of stereotypes/references in mind.
I'm just kind of surprised how many on here want to prove its valid.
Does that make sense.
Probably not

Oh god. Now I'm paranoid that people will treat me differently once we move to our new and much bigger house. I didn't realise that people judge so much. We live very modestly and well below our means right now but have run out of room in our tiny flat. No one takes any notice of me in said tiny flat

Out of interest, what do people see as rich? A net worth of what? I've met someone recently who I think is a truly remarkable & an exceptional woman. Incredibly inspiring & fun & just about all you'd ever want in a friend. At first, and it's testament to Her modestly & humbleness, I had no idea about her extraordinary wealth. I now find it a barrier to our friendship as only those she's either known all her life or are similar ball park wealth seem to get close. Thing is many would see us as wealthy but it's all relative. She's not remotely snooty just cautious and I think it's sad that wealth should be a barrier to friendship but I think it usually is.

I think the inverse can also be true - I bet most of us could easily type a longish list of rich people for whom we have zero respect.

I am rich but hardly anyone knows. I think I am respected just fine. I don't think I was respected any less when I had less money.

We used to be mean out of necessity because we had nothing to give. Having money means that we are able to support our wider family and causes that we care about.

We know that we have money because of luck: we were lucky to have certain personity types, certain intelligence, lucky that nobody better on the day applied for things we got, lucky that investments paid off, lucky to be in good health. And I could go on. We don't work harder than other people, infact most people definitely work harder than me.

We are not snobs, in our younger years we were often victims of snobbery.

When I met someone who is well off, I am always interested in how they've accumulated that cash. If they've made it themselves, then I guess I am impressed because let's be honest it's not always an easy thing to do is it? So that is a bit of respect I suppose. I am quite nosy about people though. Not really that interested in how people remain poor though, it's usually painfully obvious. I do respect non rich people as well of course, in case anyone thinks shallow cow! My widowed elderly neighbour cares for her severely disabled son single handed and always appears positive. She popped over earlier with selection boxes for my kids, all smiles. I think I respect her more than anyone I know.

Funnily enough I am in exactly the position of tilder's friend. My DH and I came into a substantial amount of money due to the sale of our business. We have a huge house and an enviable lifestyle. But we struggled for years to achieve the success we have and are as down to earth as we were when we had nothing to our names.

I always worry that people get the wrong impression of who I am, wrongly feel intimidated by me, or want to befriend me for the wrong reasons. I can suss the latter out easily enough but do find I overcompensate with people I like in the early days in order to make sure they see me for me and not some rich woman. It's something I feel really uncomfortable about if I'm honest.

Name change- But what is rich? OH and I have a post tax income of about £180K (but erratic as I own a business- his £100k is static) apparently that puts us in the top 4% in the UK. We are not rich- we are usually comfortably off - but at the moment broke as paid out £25k to UNIs so far this term ( 2 children started UNI- they do not get a full loan due to income- well get a partial one but doesn't even cover accommodation). And currently paying £3.5k a month to UNIs for accommodation.

The post about "house friends" resonated with me. I definitely have a very small inner circle of people who know dh and I are wealthy.

Ah posted too soon! But for most people it's easier to keep the friendship on a more superficial level. I found that quite lonely in the past.

We came into our wealth late in life by way of a second career after my husband retired from his first one. He did the two jobs for about 5 years simultaneously and put in more hours than I can count. He worked during the day, and built up our business after hours and at weekends. We are still very down to earth people and when people say 'OMG I didn't realise that house is yours' it makes us laugh because it kind of re-enforces that we are still grounded and down to earth. We have the house we now do for a specific reason and we originally brought 5 children up in a 3 bedroomed bungalow - I now have 12 bathrooms and 9 bedrooms but they are all there for a very good reason that has nothing to do with wanting to impress people. In fact I would gladly give up everything we have if a circumstance in our life that means we need the house we have was different.

A lot of things go right over the top of my head, probably because there's much more serious stuff to deal with, but I do have to admit that we've not come across much if any snobbery, reverse or otherwise, and I think its to do with the fact we live in society where class/wealth etc doesnt really come into it. You are who you are and yes, others might be impressed by what you have but there is less of a divide amongst the haves and have nots - I hate that expression by the way but its all I can come up with right now.

My children are all still friends with children they were brought up with and went to school with, some are from very wealthy homes and others aren't. No-one would be able to say who's what. Their friends they've gathered along the way now they're adults are also come from a mix of backgrounds and I think thats the way of the world now - friendship groups are made up of people from different backgrounds way more than they ever were before.

YADNBU, I have noticed this especially this year, also noticed the rich concerned seem to know it too!!.

I am flabbergasted that someone with a post tax income of £180k considers themselves not to be rich! Parallel university. We're on your husbands salary alone and I consider us to be rich and incredibly fortunate.

Typo - universe.

University is temporary - after that you'll have your additional disposable income back.

Back to the thread - I definitely agree people do treat rich people different. I went back to my boarding school a couple of weeks ago and the governors - all rich old white men were treated like gods. I am sure they are lovely.

I think people project qualities onto people based on wealth (intelligence, hard working or pretentious and undeserving). Sometimes true, sometimes not.

They do the same to poor people (generous, "shirt off your back" or irresponsible, wasting money etc). Or overweight people (lazy).

It's just a predudice that you can't always help. I find people who don't know many wealthy people do it a lot, I know a few wealthy people and they are just like anyone really - some nice, some not.

I need a life-saving operation in the states and it costs A LOT!, this has made me seek out wealthy people so it's shown me another side of life. I treat everyone equally, regardless of race, class, sexuality, religion etc. and that's good. I was turned down by both of the wives of these rich households (one really hurt as I kinda loved her like a 2nd Mum) but I will never let it colour my view. However the one I like as a Mum people do treat her like a Goddess yes!!. She's very spoilt I am guilty too, I gave her a gift and she looked at it like it was nothing!! ha ha, mind due I give EVERYONE gifts....and no not just when it's Christmas Day like now!! . But she is pretty heartless, I'm sad to say. Still I have met some poor people who are horrid and badly behaved too, we shouldn't judge. Good and bad in all groups of people.