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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother leaving child on 24/25/26 to go to friends.

102 replies

Santas · 23/12/2014 23:01

Hi,
i have changed my name because this is a very delicate thing but i would like to know your point of view.
A friend of mine (man) and his wife are getting separated. She is leaving him because...well, it started saying that he does not earn enough for the life style she would like to have (she is an accountant in the city but he is not - despite he has a decent job, he earns less than her). Now, she says that they are different. Anyway... She has managed to save money in the last months (my friend has been paying the mortgage and the bills, while she was apparently saving for a deposit to buy a bigger house together - they live in a small flat at the moment). In august she decided to leave him, took her savings and she has now bought a house where she will probably move in the next two months. He was distroyed, as he tried to make her happy. And overall because they have a 20 months old daughter and he will miss her.
Anyway, the mother has now decided to spend christmas day with friends (Her family leaves abroad so she does not have family in the UK apart from the husband's family.) As she does not drive, she will go on the 24th evening and come back on 26th when the tube will work again.the little girl and the father will go to his parents as every year to celebrate with the family. My friend is upset that his exwife prefer to go to the friends and leave the young girl behind for few nights.
I am shocked she is leaving the daughter in this way. AIBU?

OP posts:
hesterton · 23/12/2014 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RattieBagTheOldHag · 23/12/2014 23:03

Nah, it's fine. I do it all the time.

MushroomSoup · 23/12/2014 23:05

Yes.
Any parents that divorce - myself included- will share care of the DCs over holidays.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/12/2014 23:05

It's just the same as separated parents taking turns each year

They're separated, they will likely take turns

3BloodyKids · 23/12/2014 23:05

YABU

violetwellies · 23/12/2014 23:06

Well both parents can't have her, why shouldn't it be her Dad?

oswellkettleblack · 23/12/2014 23:06

she is leaving her with her father, not on a doorstep.

TooHasty · 23/12/2014 23:06

1 she is 20 m old and doesn't really have any concept of xmas
2 she is with her dad who is equally her parent

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/12/2014 23:06

YABU.

Its not unusual for one parent to not spend Christmas with their child when parents are not together.

Allingoodfaith · 23/12/2014 23:07
Hmm
TooHasty · 23/12/2014 23:07

are you the dad?

EatShitDerek · 23/12/2014 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beachyhead · 23/12/2014 23:08

So she's leaving him to have his dd over Christmas, with his family?

WrigleysBum · 23/12/2014 23:08

I can think of so many reasons she could have decided this with the very best (and selfless) of intentions.

londonrach · 23/12/2014 23:10

Yabu the child is being left with his or her dad!

PatriciaHolm · 23/12/2014 23:10

Would he prefer not to see his daughter over Christmas when she was with her mother?

You sound somewhat over invested here, OP. It's not your business.

IloveOreossx · 23/12/2014 23:11

It seems you're just looking for a reason to have a go about her, whoever you are to her.

unclerory · 23/12/2014 23:11

I was prepared to be judgy but the child is going to be with her father and grandparents so hardly abandoned. Divorced parents tend not to be able to spend every Christmas with their children. Would you be so judgy if the father was away for three days over Christmas?

Notmeagain1 · 23/12/2014 23:11

YABU, hes her father not the strangers the mum will be with, the baby will be with dads family. Much better for the child then being off with people it doesnt know, imo.

Bumbiscuits · 23/12/2014 23:12

Why are you so bothered by this?

ouryve · 23/12/2014 23:12

The girl is spending time with her father and grandparents. I don't see the problem.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 23/12/2014 23:13

I think it's the least she can do. She's the one who's left him, why should he be without his daughter at Christmas?

furcoatbigknickers · 23/12/2014 23:14

Its fine. Dd is very small.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/12/2014 23:14

I'm working Christmas, does that make me a bad mother.

Both are equal parents and why should the mother automatically get all the holiday, surely it should be split.

Starlightbright1 · 23/12/2014 23:14

Why are you bothered?

I would say she might be been clever 20 month old won't get Christmas so next year when her turn she will

She might be been slefless wanting her dd to have family Christmas which she can't provide with family abroad

Can't bear to spend Christmas with your friend and/or his family.

What is your concern?