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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother leaving child on 24/25/26 to go to friends.

102 replies

Santas · 23/12/2014 23:01

Hi,
i have changed my name because this is a very delicate thing but i would like to know your point of view.
A friend of mine (man) and his wife are getting separated. She is leaving him because...well, it started saying that he does not earn enough for the life style she would like to have (she is an accountant in the city but he is not - despite he has a decent job, he earns less than her). Now, she says that they are different. Anyway... She has managed to save money in the last months (my friend has been paying the mortgage and the bills, while she was apparently saving for a deposit to buy a bigger house together - they live in a small flat at the moment). In august she decided to leave him, took her savings and she has now bought a house where she will probably move in the next two months. He was distroyed, as he tried to make her happy. And overall because they have a 20 months old daughter and he will miss her.
Anyway, the mother has now decided to spend christmas day with friends (Her family leaves abroad so she does not have family in the UK apart from the husband's family.) As she does not drive, she will go on the 24th evening and come back on 26th when the tube will work again.the little girl and the father will go to his parents as every year to celebrate with the family. My friend is upset that his exwife prefer to go to the friends and leave the young girl behind for few nights.
I am shocked she is leaving the daughter in this way. AIBU?

OP posts:

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 23/12/2014 23:15

To add to the of others - what, really, has this to do with you? Beak out, step away, nothing to see here.

GingerSkin · 23/12/2014 23:16

What else is the ex wife suppose to do?

Spend time on her own in her new place with no friends or family ?

If you'd said she was leaving 20 month old with anyone other than family, I'd be a little but there is nothing wrong with the baby being with her DF and GP's.

I think if it was the other way around (ie Husband went to friends), you'd be less judgemental as your post comes across as though as a mum, she should be with her daughter.

BlinkAndMiss · 23/12/2014 23:17

She's not leaving her child on those days to go to friends - she's going to her friends those days because her DD is going to her dad's family. She is not part of their family anymore.

I fail to see an issue.

FishWithABicycle · 23/12/2014 23:17

YABU and if she has such a high-power career the dad might end up being the resident parent anyway. Separated parents agreeing which of them will have a child over Xmas is totally different from "leaving a child"

26Point2Miles · 23/12/2014 23:17

Oh dear op! It's not the 1950's!

Finola1step · 23/12/2014 23:17

The parents have separated now - no matter what the Dad wants.

It's perfectly understandable that the mum does not want to spend Xmas with her soon to be ex husband and his family.

Some may say that she is being very grown up and reasonable about enabling the dad to have sole access to his dd over the Xmas period.

Unless the OP thinks that the mum has an ulterior motive?

plantsitter · 23/12/2014 23:19

You want to get in his pants don't you? Or you are him. Just remember nothing is black and white and if he can be so vocally critical of his child's mother now he can paint a biased and horrid portrait of anyone (I.e. You when you realise he's a tossed and dump him).

Original poster

Santas · 23/12/2014 23:19

Thanks for your replies. Ok, that's ok. I just think that she could take a taxy and go only on the 25th and still sleep altogether. But yes, it is true, the baby is with dad and family....

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 23/12/2014 23:20

Can't see what it's got to do with you. Parents come to their own arrangements as to who looks after the child.

TheNewWitchOfSWL · 23/12/2014 23:20

My daughter who is 7 went with my STBXH to her grandparents house today where she will also spend Christmas with her aunt, uncle, cousins and play with next door neighbours. They do like the whole shebang at Christmas.
She is better off there then alone with me…I am bah humbug and like to relax and do nothing at Christmas, nothing AT ALL. She is coming back at the 31st of December because her dad is back to work on the 1st. Otherwise I would let her be there until the 6th of Jan when schools are back tbh.

BTW, they are under the impression we will take in turns, hahaha, they can have her every year if they want to.

EatShitDerek · 23/12/2014 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 23/12/2014 23:22

For the last 11 years myself and my ex have taken turns to have dd for the Christmas period. It's no big deal whatsoever and is very standard practice in separated families.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2014 23:22

I suggest that you keep your pecker out

YouCanDoItNow · 23/12/2014 23:22

You've heard from him that she's leaving him because he doesn't earn enough and he is devastated cos he's such a stand up guy who only ever tried to please her?

Fairylea · 23/12/2014 23:24

You're the dad aren't you op?

Original poster

Santas · 23/12/2014 23:25

Just something that maybe i have not said. Husband , wife and baby still live in the same flat. She has not moved to her new house yet.

OP posts:

YouCanDoItNow · 23/12/2014 23:25

Hang on, another reverse thread ???

English is clearly not your first language and the 'mum' in this scenario lives abroad.

AvaCrowder · 23/12/2014 23:25

I would think long and hard about the person who has informed you of this. How have they made it sound? Surely the dad is happy to have his dd, and if they are not together, they are not together. It's sad when people are hurting, but playing happy families could be a bad way of managing his expectations.

Fairylea · 23/12/2014 23:27

What difference does it make if they are still living together or not?

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 23/12/2014 23:32

I see no problem whatsoever. From your post I assumed the child was home alone or something not left with her father !

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 23/12/2014 23:33

Makes no difference if they live together or not. Child is cared for by her dad over Xmas. And ?!

Starlightbright1 · 23/12/2014 23:36

I was also thinking the same fairylea maybe DH is too controlling

Original poster

Santas · 23/12/2014 23:36

YOucandoit, no i am not her. You know there are more than only two foreigners in the Uk.

However, ok, thanks everyone. I just wanted to know the general feel and good to know it is not so strange. I will try to convince myself it is ok.

OP posts:

YouCanDoItNow · 23/12/2014 23:42

I just thought that your interest in somebody else's fairly reasonable childcare arrangements was a bit excessive, and I wondered if it was a reverse thread.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 23/12/2014 23:43

I don't know what about the scenario you don't feel is ok ?

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