Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
TheWordFactory · 23/12/2014 17:01

Och now amerryscot!

The woman got drunk. And she did it whilst her DC were supposedly with people who love them.

She didn't go out on a bank job or join the circus. And she didn't plan to let anyone down.

These things happen in life. Truly, when I babysit for my single parent friend I fully expect her to let her hair downGrin.

hoobypickypicky · 23/12/2014 17:01

"By Christ there are some sanctimonious and bloody boring people on this thread - never go out, never get drunk, never let their hair down. What prigs some of you sound."

How nice of you to presume that those "prigs" have any choice in the matter.

Not everyone has on tap childcare. Not every child's non resident parent plays a part in their lives. That's why some lone parents never go out, never get drunk, never let their hair down.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 23/12/2014 17:01

THE OP WAS/IS ILL, NOT JUST HUNGOVER!!!

I had to boldly shout that because so many posters seem to consistently miss that bit, and appear to like jumping on her for having too much to drink. For the only time this year.

TheWordFactory · 23/12/2014 17:04

hooby all the more reason why those people should understand the OPs situation and not judge her for having one rare night on the town.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:05

Hooby my children's non resident parent plays no part in their lives, I have no childcare except my twice a week babysitting from grandparents and one of my ex SIL will occasionally have ONE of my dc.

So I AM one of those lone parents you describe.......apart from ONE or TWO nights a year.

OP posts:
Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:05

hooby well... there are friends to babysit, neighbours, babysitting circles etc. It's not impossible, it's a choice. There are always choices if you work hard enough at it.

My DH worked abroad for a while, I managed to go out. (not frequently admittedly, but I did. )

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:06

The OP's problem was drunkenness. No amount of shouting will change that.

I quote, from the opening post Anyway I drank too much, far far too much blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:06

sorry twice a YEAR. It was ME doing the twice a week childcare except school hols when it was every day.

OP posts:
clam · 23/12/2014 17:07

Personally, I don't have a problem even if it was 'only' a hangover. Why shouldn't she go out and enjoy herself once in a while? She made what she thought (or rather, hoped) were responsible arrangements for her dcs, and kept her parents informed once the plans for the next morning were thrown in the air. She apologised to her parents also.

Should she be stoned in public? According to some of the judgy-pants on here, yes.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:10

Yes Askme rather than wade straight in with the defensive it was definitely a bug NOT being pissed! gambit, I acknowledged that I HAD drunk a lot. I have made it clear in the rest of my posts. How about putting all the info together.

OP posts:
AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:12

Being 'pissed', not being able to turn up for your children, is the problem. I don't wish you any harm, I wish you well, but justifying your behaviour this way and that doesn't make it any better.

pieceofpurplesky · 23/12/2014 17:14

I am in the same position as OP - exH never has ds overnight. I can't afford a babysitter and my parents are elderly. Even if they have DS I don't get drunk in case I need to be there.

clam · 23/12/2014 17:15

AskMeAnother, You're berating the "parent who stayed around," (as opposed to the absent ex) and who made arrangements for their grandparents to care for them. They were hardly left home alone or out roaming the streets.

AMerryScot · 23/12/2014 17:17

Let's be under no illusion that it was "a bug".

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 17:18

AskMeAnother Do you have children?

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:19

I am in the same position as OP - exH never has ds overnight. I can't afford a babysitter and my parents are elderly. Even if they have DS I don't get drunk in case I need to be there
Exemplary. When your children are older, may you have the opportunities for many wonderful nights out.

clam · 23/12/2014 17:20

AskMeAnother, do you have any friends?

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:21

I would be devastated if my children thought the way that some of you, so cold and unaccepting of others foibles. I would think I had really messed up somewhere a long the way.

One person gets drunk and asks her parents to extend care for 12 hours is nothing compared to the cold and harsh and judgmental attitudes displayed by some on here.

OP posts:
bobbyjoe · 23/12/2014 17:22

Sequins your parents are miserable buggers. My parents would have thought good for you, you never go out and let your hair down. Drink can hit people differently at different times - more if you're under the weather for example. The kids were with their grand parents FFS! No point in having a go you know you over did it - or maybe there was a bug. It matters not. Feel sorry for you with unsupportive parents like that. It sounds like a control thing with them.

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:22

Yes, I have one child. Whom I brought up as a single parent, without getting drunk, without inconveniencing my parents. My child is married with a child of her own. She and her husband do not get so drunk as to be incapable of looking after their child.

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:23

AskMeAnother, do you have any friends?
No! I find people...disappointing... Xmas Wink

AMerryScot · 23/12/2014 17:24

OP, were you right to get legless? Was the enjoyment you got worth it?

hoobypickypicky · 23/12/2014 17:24

"So I AM one of those lone parents you describe.......apart from ONE or TWO nights a year."

Sequin, so am I - apart from two nights in many, many years.

Those two nights were thanks to my parents. I didn't get pissed. I didn't take the piss. And I didn't drive the next day aware that I might still be pissed.

That last bit's important. You need to take responsibility for something beyond your own children.

Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:25

Sequin don't take any notice. I am sure you are there for your DCs all the time and everyone deserves to be carefree for a short space of time. And you were with your Sister after all. Some on here are talking like it's the crime of the century and they are perfect. We all bugger up occasionally (I certainly have and so have my DCs).

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 17:27

Ask your comments on this thread say far more about you than anything Sequins has said.