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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/12/2014 16:45

Sequins, sadly I don't think not seeing your parents is going to be any huge loss to your or your DC by the sounds of it! Hopefully your siblings will be willing to help out with babysitting in the future etc.

BigBoobiedBertha · 23/12/2014 16:47

Refusing to take bollocking is not the same as refusing to apologise. Confused

MagratsLongWhiteBeard · 23/12/2014 16:48

Not meaning to sidetrack here, but what exactly did your sister say to your parents when she phoned them to explain? Were you there when she did that?

Could there be crossed wires anywhere?

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:50

Well let me clarify. I refused to accept having my father jump up and get into my face, though I think that has been made quite clear.

I apologised over the phone and then again in person. But they decided that wasn't good enough. And that is how it has always been with them you apologise and apologise and they forgive when they are good and ready no matter how long it takes, when they've enjoyed a good long sulk about it.

OP posts:
SnapeChat · 23/12/2014 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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kittensinmydinner · 23/12/2014 16:50

As a married mother with a very supportive dh and seven dcs and hands on GPS and fab ex h , I say without hesitation you deserve a f_ break. Don't forget that mn is full of women just short of the virgin Mary in saintlyness and nothing short of wearing sack cloth and hair will suffice. How dare you go out ???? how dare you be so irresponsible... now beat yourself with thistles for the rest of the year Grin

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:52

My sister told her I was ill and was being sick every time I stood up. She said there is no way she can drive. I wasn't there. I was asleep but when I woke up she told me that that my Mum was being weird and just how she usually is, and we both know what that means. My sister is very angry about this too. I trust her implicitly to not have stirred anything up.

OP posts:
TheWordFactory · 23/12/2014 16:52

Blimey, OP needed a favour. So what?

No man is an island. We all help each other out. We all fuck up from time to time. The people who scoop us up at those moments should be our nearest and dearest.

It's not like the OP has dumped her DC with strangers while she runs off to Ibiza!

gotthemoononastick · 23/12/2014 16:52

Oh dear Sequins! Your parents behaved really badly,especially in front of those children.They must feel so unwanted and unwelcome!

They were probably worried out of their minds about you and as the hours went by it escalated with an explosion.Wish you had not confronted Dad with his faults,though, as he will feel guilty and be stubborn now.

Do hope you can resolve things...lots of humble pie! I also think a bug was involved here,not solely alcohol.

Roussette · 23/12/2014 16:53

By Christ there are some sanctimonious and bloody boring people on this thread - never go out, never get drunk, never let their hair down. What prigs some of you sound.

The OP has a rare night out. OK she gets bladdered (or ill?) but jesus it's not like she makes a habit of it is it? If this were my daughter, I would make the point that I felt inconvenienced by an extra 12 hours and ask her to really try not to do it again, but I would relish a few extra hours with my GC (who by the way aren't babies are they? It sounds like they'd look after themselves pretty much). I would also want to know all about the night out, I would hope it was fun that she could let her hair down and I would be concerned she might have caught a bug. End of.

Give Sequin a break. She feels resentful, given all she did as a child. I would too, given the circs.

distantdrum · 23/12/2014 16:54

You need to step away from them OP, they sound (in MNSPEAK) "toxic". My DPs are dead now but I didn't speak to them for about 3 years at one point in my life because they were just so unreasonably difficult. All teh horrible things they;'d done to me growing up were glossed over and every time I challenged them I was the worst person in the world.

I'm in agreement about the sanctimonious posters who seem to think one night of drunkenness is a hanging offence. Ignore them, they haven't a clue what you've gone through (admit to projecting here).

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 23/12/2014 16:54

I agree with pippop1

Your parents have behaved horribly to you

Do you get on well with the sister you went out with ?

I wonder if she's up for any baby sitting ?

AMerryScot · 23/12/2014 16:55

Re-reading the OP's OP, she justified her drunkenness because her DF was frequently drunk. She justified her entitlement to emergency babysitting because she babysat as a teenager.

Nothing can justify leglessness. Seriously. I say this a a drinker. It is not the same as being slightly tipsy. IF you are legless you really do have to suck up any flack. Nothing is going to make you look good. Best apologise and retreat under the radar.

Roussette · 23/12/2014 16:55

p.s. As for someone upthread who said they had never had a babysitter to look after their one child in 9 years or whatever - that needs to be addressed. All DCs should be used to Mum going out occasionally, it's normal.

distantdrum · 23/12/2014 16:57

AMerryScot..you really just read what you want to don't you? She HAS apologised...several times...to no avail. Why do you keep banging on with the same post over and over?

hoobypickypicky · 23/12/2014 16:57

I wouldn't 'just stand there and take' abuse, no. I wouldn't get so rat-arsed that I wasn't able to look after my children the next day either.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 16:57

I have to say some of the more self righteous comments from some posting on this thread do make me wonder how they'll cope when their own children fuck up/make a mistake/do the wrong thing.

Imagine the angst, anger and pearl clutching.

Ridingthestorm · 23/12/2014 16:57

Your parents sound selfish. If this is their behaviour and it likely 'two years' before they make contact with you, then likelihood is they will never change. Time to cut ties. You know you went too far, apologised and they verbally abused you in company of your children and they fail to understand how they imposed on your life whilst growing up. Ignore the posters who believe you are utterly in the wrong. I think you know you went overboard but they have ultimately overreacted and if that is how they treat their daughter over something trivial. Then quite frankly they care about nobody but themselves. As for those who say 'we only have the posters side of the story' - are you friggin' kidding??? Of course we have only 'one side of the story' - it us mumsnet! Since when do we ever get two sides of the bloody story. If you don't like the one sidedness, stop using mumsnet!!!

Roussette · 23/12/2014 16:57

AMerryScot I don't really agree. Sometimes it just hits you for some reason. It happened once with me. I think it was stress or tension. I was absolutely paralytic after drinking not that much for some reason. Sometimes it just happens. And it sounds like Sequin has or had a bug which might have exacerbated it.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 23/12/2014 16:58

Could all of you super responsible single parents please tell me how you've managed to raise your children so far without making one single, solitary mistake or error in judgement? Because I have been both a lone parent and a married one, and I have made plenty of screw-ups, yet am still considered to be completely responsible for my offspring.

OP, YANBU. I'm sorry you are so poorly, and I'm really sorry you've had such a horrible experience with your parents. My Dad is very strict and strongly disapproves of getting drunk, but even he wouldn't have behaved like yours did. The worst I would have had would have been 'I'm a bit disappointed that you were in such a state and would appreciate it if you could be more moderate next time'.

I hope you feel better soon.

distantdrum · 23/12/2014 16:58

Yup, good points about when their teens come in bladdered...which they will.

Rabbitcar · 23/12/2014 16:58

I don't drink so obviously have never had a hangover. But even I can understand that you are totally NBU and your parents are complete shits. Stay away, you deserve much much better.

clam · 23/12/2014 16:59

Jesus, it's threads like these that make me seriously consider leaving MN to it. I cannot believe the sanctimonious, judgemental shit that's been doled out here towards the OP, who let her hair down on a rare occasion (leaving aside whether it was 'just' a hangover, or something elase as well) and has been totally blasted by her parents.

OP, YANBU, I hope you feel better soon. Wine Xmas Wink

Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:00

^I have to say some of the more self righteous comments from some posting on this thread do make me wonder how they'll cope when their own children fuck up/make a mistake/do the wrong thing.

Imagine the angst, anger and pearl clutching.^

Oh yes StillStaying. They better get ready for holding a DD's hair back whilst she throws up over the toilet. been there, done it, got the T

RabidZombie · 23/12/2014 17:01

I think your parents overreacted, however you were also in the wrong, so IMO its both of you.