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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
bobbyjoe · 23/12/2014 17:27

The problem with going out twice a year is you build up no tolerance to alcohol. I've got drunk before on a glass of wine - large glass true, gets into your system quickly as you're excited to be out for the first time in ages. Another time the same amount won't hit as bad. I've never gone out to get hammered. Now I don't drink much as don't like the effects even after one glass.

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:28

I am sure you are there for your DCs all the time
Apart from the day she was so drunk she couldn't pick them up from their grandparents... stop covering up! Sequins is probably a wonderful person but in this case, based on her own account of events, her behaviour was unreasonable!

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:28

Ask your comments on this thread say far more about you than anything Sequins has said.

Good.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 17:28

Sequins are you close to your siblings?

NotYouNaanBread · 23/12/2014 17:28

While you were somewhat unreasonable to incapacitate yourself so badly, they COMPLETELY overreacted and behaved appallingly. I agree with TheWitTank that your retort went too close to home about how they exploited you as a child.

However, I think that you need to make a strenuous effort to identify a couple of babysitters in your area. Childcare.co.uk was very useful for me, and you need to go out more than twice a year, even if it's an early-ish night and you're home and sober at 11pm. You need the freedom to sashay out of the house at 7pm with not a care in the world - least of all recriminations from your parents!

LoofahVanDross · 23/12/2014 17:28

I've been so roaring drunk at a party that when i got home, my dc had to fetch me a sick bowl and i threw up infront of them.

We were all actually laughing, including me, but hey that is life. i don't drink very often and sometimes we all do daft things.

Nobody is perfect, but can still be bloody good parents.

clam · 23/12/2014 17:30

Well, isn't it just peachy that there are so many worthy and earnest people out there?

OP, I hope you feel better soon. Sounds to me as if it's your parents who will be the overall losers here, as I can't imagine you wanting to see them again in the near future. They'll be missing out on their gc over Christmas. Quel domage!

Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:31

AskmeAnother get polishing that halo of yours.

Sequins had ONE night out where the drink affected her. She was with her sister (I, for one, would be so happy that my DCs were out together and having fun). It's hardly anything to worry about. In fact, I probably - as the parent - would have find it quite amusing (whilst admonishing Sequins for being a liability). I certainly would NOT be judgmental like you.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 17:31

Ask let's hope your grandchild doesn't fall off the moral high ground in years to come, God forbid!

AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:35

Keep trying. I'm still right.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:35

Yes I am very close to them stillstaying Smile

I think you sound very similar to my parents ask.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 23/12/2014 17:35

I have to admit if I agreed to mind someone's child and they got so drunk they couldn't collect their children till the following night and at that were still unsure if they should even be driving i would be pretty annoyed.

I am a single parent also and you just can't afford to drink to that point. yes it would have been nice of them to have waited to talk to you about it till you were feeling better and made allowances for your help in the past but equally i think you should have been apologetic rather than defensive to begin with. I think you were both unreasonable.

Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:38

In your perfect world AskmeAnother, in your perfect world, you're right. However, life can be a rollercoaster, we have faults and imperfections and sometimes, just sometimes, life can bash us over the head and all the perfect existence goes out the window.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:38

mommy I WAS apologetic. Why am I having to say this so many times?

OP posts:
bobbyjoe · 23/12/2014 17:39

I mean what are your parents angry about? Did you make them miss a flight or a hospital appointment or theatre show or something else? Or were they just sitting at home on their arses with their grandkids who were probably just playing? Disproportionate response and quite clearly the act of a bully (your dad who likes his own way and still thinks his word is law) and his side kick (your mother). What did they want? For you to spread yourself on the floor kissing his feet asking for forgiveness? What more could you have done - nothing.

Let them come to you. Sod them and their grinchy ways. Their loss. Get yourself another babysitter. Don't let them off the hook easily if they do get in touch.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 17:40

Ask you are coming across as a right GF I'm afraid.

Sequins leave it to your parents to contact you, it's good to hear you have a close relationship with your siblings and do the right thing for you and your children.

bobbyjoe · 23/12/2014 17:41

Roussette - my parents would have thought the same - glad I was out enjoying myself with a sibling as we're still their kids. I would possibly have had to put up with a few jokes from dad when picking the kids up - here, have a hair of the dog etc, but really it's not like the grand kids are strangers, they're family.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 17:41

Thanks Still you've been lovely to me on here as have many others. I think Ask is a GF too so will ignore from here on in Smile.

OP posts:
AskMeAnother · 23/12/2014 17:42

I mean what are your parents angry about?

Someone not doing as she said? Being taken for mugs who will do 12 hours extra childcare without arrangement? Having their own plans for the day disrupted? Being used? Being disrespected? Being dumped on?

Just a few things.

alltoomuchrightnow · 23/12/2014 17:43

I don't have/ can't have, kids and one of my biggest bugbears is 'entitled' parents. OP I really don;t think you are one. And your parents are v mean/ hypercritical. :-(

alltoomuchrightnow · 23/12/2014 17:44

if you were out on the lash every night, would be different. but twice a year? don't they enjoy seeing the GC's?

Roussette · 23/12/2014 17:45

Ask It was a one off. I would do anything for my DCs as a one off. Wouldn't you?

RufusTheReindeer · 23/12/2014 17:50

ask

I would rather be my wrong, give the OP the benefit of the doubt re illness, say it was a mistake and she apologised, and tell her not to worry that we all make mistakes...

Than be your right

Deemail · 23/12/2014 17:51

under the circumstances you describe yanbu. I get that grandparents shouldn't be expected to be on call 24hrs a day to babysit and that's clearly not the case here.

I don't think its too much to hope that parents of adult children will actually still have enough love and care for them in adulthood that they will still go out of their way to help them. This would be a very sad world if everyone refused to give support and assistance to anyone else, if an individual doesn't have it in their heart to help out their own child on occasion, it doesn't say a lot about them. We all need some help from time to time and we are all asked for help too, does it really have to be deemed to be using people or taking advantage when everything doesn't go as planned once in a while?

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 23/12/2014 17:52

Sequins, I'm so sorry to hear that your well earned break went so horribly wrong. Single parents in particular do need an occasional break - we're better parents for it, I believe.

I can't believe some people are so damn begrudging of the thought of you having a break from your responsibilities - isn't that the point of leaving your children with trusted people? A brief opportunity to completely RELAX!

Your DF&M are being very petty and given you hardly ever do rely on them for babysitting, this one occasion of illness can hardly be considered as taking the pi$$.

I hope they don't hold onto their issues for too long and you should certainly not have to chase them IMO. Horrible of them to have attempted to create such guilt for you!

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