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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 23/12/2014 16:29

SHE IS STILL ILL!!!!!!!!!!!

That doesn't sound like a hangover (I've only had one so I could be wrong)

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:30

My parents will not speak to my now for at least two years amerryscot that's how it works for them. They fall out in cycles with everyone in their family.

I am often reminded of a Raylan Givens quote when dealing with my parents and hearing of their antics:-

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, they you ran into an asshole, if you run into assholes all day long, they YOU are the asshole"

Smile
OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 23/12/2014 16:31

I've had a few Rufus, and none have lasted 4 days. Usually been sorted out with a diet coke and some disgusting greasy type of food. I think she's been ill.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/12/2014 16:32

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, they you ran into an asshole, if you run into assholes all day long, they YOU are the asshole"

I like it a lot < makes a note for my shitlist>

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:32

Danny I don't agree with you and happily I don't think anything you say will make me so I will leave it there as far as your posts are concerned.

OP posts:
AMerryScot · 23/12/2014 16:33

We don't go through life being a goody two shoes, while piling up a "naughty bank balance". Being good throughouy life does not justify or entitle you to slip ups.

It simply isn't right to get bladdered. There is no way of justifying it.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 23/12/2014 16:34

Would it be so bad to go non contact? How involved are they with your kids?

You could send them a text in which you agree to differ, for the sake of the kids. If they still choose to behave like assholes then that's up to them.

Shedwood · 23/12/2014 16:34

People are being incredibly harsh to the OP here; do you honestly believe that as she's a parent she's not allowed to let her hair down and have a good drink once or twice a year??

I think the GPs have a right to be a bit miffed, but if my daughter were to do that in future years we'd be looking after the grandkids for the rest of the day having fun with them and then taking the Mick out of our daughter for getting drunk, there certainly wouldn't be a big row.

In the real world OP, decent parents love both their DC and their GC enough for this sort of thing to really not be an issue; your parents owe you the apology here.

DixieNormas · 23/12/2014 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whippetwoman · 23/12/2014 16:37

This thread is making me so sad. Why are people being so mean to the OP?
I would never treat my daughter that way but it sounds like lots of posters on here would.
What's worse is that people are saying "you are a mother" as if that means that despite being responsible for the other 364 days of the year it's just not good enough to get drunk on ONE single night. The OP has been out twice in an entire year ffs.
OP YANBU, but I am sad to see that so many people would treat their children the way your parents have treated you.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 23/12/2014 16:37

I'm very lucky, my parents and PILs are great, happy to babysit and adore the children. They are lovely, reasonable people.

However if I had made an arrangement to pick my DCs up at 10am and didn't make it until so late in the evening that the children were in bed, without prior arrangement both sets would have been very, very annoyed, and reasonably so.

I would have turned up grovelling clutching flowers/chocs/wine and expecting to get a telling off.

Asking (even expecting) babysits from Grandparents is not unreasonable but not sticking to prior arrangements and expecting them to pick up the slack is very rude. You wouldn't do that to anyone else.

Now it does sound like your parents are very difficult and as if your childhood was hard and you have my deepest sympathies for that but it does seem like you have bitten off your nose to spite your face. You have shut down your only avenue of babysitting when you could have bitten your tounge and apologised.

I'm sure your children are lovely but older people do get more tired looking after small children for a long time. A quiet Sunday at home with DGCs is not the same as one without. They aren't unreasonable to expect you to stick to the agreement.

As to how ill were. It's a tiny bit disingenuous to say you don't know what caused it - you must know how much you had to drink.

longtallsally2 · 23/12/2014 16:37

OP you sound amazingly calm in the face of some extraordinary criticism here, and you also sound as if you did a huge amount growing up. Your parents sound extraordinarily entitled - however, at least it enabled you to grow up as a capable and caring person, looking after your siblings - something that you can clearly pass on to your own chidren.

Lots of people have little or no support from parents, and I do find it hard when someone comes on moaning about their lot when they are clearly used to having lots of support then are let down once or twice - you don't come across like that to me at all.

Hope that you feel better soon. Can you arrange to do sleepover babysitting with friends of your dcs? You have their kids for the night when they go out and vice versa? I found that the biggest help in getting the odd night out.

distantdrum · 23/12/2014 16:39

There was a thread on here a while back about how sanctimonious MN was about people getting drunk....apparently it;s "ok" to brag about drinking wine in teh safe confines of your own home, but completely wrong to go out and get melted on the town. As the child of a raging alco, I am pretty ambivalent when it comes to booze and I try to stay non judgemental. Some of you are being really horrible to the OP. That;s all.

LoofahVanDross · 23/12/2014 16:39

Well, it sounds like this was a one off and your parents a being v unreasonable.

You have done nothing wrong. Also sounds like it was more than just a hangover. Would they have shouted at you if it was food poisoning and you couldn't collect the kids at 10am.

Sympathies OP for having such awful parents.

TheWitTank · 23/12/2014 16:39

It's good, isn't it? Candidates for mother of the second coming are jostling for position...

Grin I haven't been out in 25 years- I carried my offspring around in a handwoven sling until they were 18 while supping on tap water and grains.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 23/12/2014 16:41

Whippet and Dixie I have no issue with the OP going out, or getting drunk. I would have an issue with my adult child being inconsiderate (although obviously there wouldn't be the shouting and throwing out)

The OPs parents sound unpleasant but in the circumstances I still think she should have apologised.

RandomMess · 23/12/2014 16:41

YANBU, my eldest helps out with childcare for her younger siblings - nowhere near as much as you did for various reasons and I appreciate it and I really hope that I WANT to be involved in having a relationship with any GC that come along including providing some childcare and babysitting for them.

I also agree is someone is usually very reliable etc. and something happens as a one off you keep a lid on it, we're not perfect we make mistakes or shock horror sometimes we do end up ill.

Even my worst hangover in the world when I couldn't walk at 4pm the following day without being sick was completely better within 48 hours!!! Only ever had a handful of hangovers and I've never forgotten how grim 3 bottles of red wine left me... DH was angry that he had to take the day off to look after the dc but he accepted that I really was too ill and I don't make a habit of it and there certainly wasn't a huge row - he knew being that ill was punishment enough.

AMerryScot · 23/12/2014 16:42

I think the issue is trying to justify leglessness rather than just saying sorry.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:42

How exactly have I shut down future babysitting and avenues of communicating. My Dad told me to leave and that he was finished with me! I DID apologise about five times, only to be met with sulks and refusing to look at or speak to me, when I tried to talk to them and get to the bottom of it my Dad started yelling and then, yes, I stuck up for myself. I defy anyone on this thread to just stand there and take that kind of abuse. I don't believe anyone would. I just don't

OP posts:
BigBoobiedBertha · 23/12/2014 16:42

I bet you anything if she had only been bladdered she would have been there to pick up her children at 10am on the dot.

It is human to make mistakes. They happen. Real parents, parents who really care about their children have a moan, point out they don't want it to happen again then move on. They don't disown their child and their grandchildren over one mistake. I can't believe people think this right. As I say I pity their children. I have an uncle like some of you. He has cut himself off from most of his family at some point or another and doesn't speak to at least one member at any given time and is a throughly nasty piece of work. He has been known to behave in a very similar way to the OP's parents. Lucky he has money and his kids come back with an eye on his will. That is all he has going for him.

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 16:43

FGS! Can't anyone read? I apologised over the phone repeatedly while it was happening and then again when I saw them.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 23/12/2014 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 23/12/2014 16:45

OK Sequins but that's not what you said in your OP you said 'I refused to accept the bollocking'...

TheWitTank · 23/12/2014 16:45

She HAS APOLOGISED.

BigBoobiedBertha · 23/12/2014 16:45

Definitely a case of people reading what they want to read.

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