To not want Xmas day to become part of my mums dictatorship

[Magicalsparkles]

Xmas day is at DMs this year, there will be 10 of us in total plus my 2 mo DD.
She has just sent my whole family a 'rota' of what our ' chores'will be on the day. It is all petty things like checking there is toilet roll, making sure there are enough coasters, that the candles are lit ect.. Things that people with common sence could check anyway.

She has written out the times to check these things and also said no baby stuff can be out as it makes the place look messy. She has also said that we are not to go in the kitchen where her, her dp, my nan and grandad will be as she does not want to be disturbed whilst cooking. (I am not 12 years old)

I understand Xmas is stressful as a host but AIBU to wish she would not try to control every aspect of everything and let us enjoy Xmas as a family rather than following a rota off pointless chores and rules???!!!!

Seriously, is she well? That level of micro-prescription in the email to you shows seriously obsessive tendencies.

at Normandy landings & C-Day

I will update on christmas (if I have time between my duties!!) she is well she's just always been a control freak and when we were younger the house was more like a hotel than a house with kids in! I would quite like a champagne fridge too! I have asked if she needs any practical help before the day but no just my chores!

If you're not allowed any 'baby stuff' (bouncy chair?) cluttering up the place, where on earth is the baby supposed to go whilst you buff the champagne fridge until you can see your reflection in it? Surely just popping them on the floor is desperately untidy?!

OP how do you think your sisters/other relatives will be on the day? Will they be sniggering in the corner with you or all adhering religiously to her timetable and asking you for drinks whilst your feeding the baby?

They will all be adhering to the timetable! they never have and never will say no to my mother! Exept for DP who said he is absolutely not mopping and hoovering all floors after each meal and time someone takes the bins out!

I am loving the ridiculous fridge email.
In what universe does a mother of an 8 week old have time to give a shiny shite about fingerprints on fridges????

What was she like when you were growing up, has she turned like this in recent years or always been this ... Uptight?

Christmas is supposed to be fun, your mother is bloody odd and it sounds like it's going to be a real drag tbh.

How sad and with a new born too.

that email is hilarious op. sorry. but really, wtf???

i do feel a bit sad for you having to grow up in that kind of sterile uptight environment tho

Does your mother realise she is ruining Christmas for everyone?

She is not offering hospitality, but a OCD bootcamp.

Crikey. I would not be keen to go. It sounds highly stressful! I am a little precious about my new fridge freezer, but I wipe the fingerprints off, I don't nag others about it.

A champagne fridge

Honestly, OP, I was laughing along with everyone else, but the more you say, the more I think she sounds ill, as if she suffers from anxiety or compulsive behaviour (which is expressing itself as being an uptight tidiness obsessive)...? Is this new behaviour? What would happen if everyone relaxed, didn't use coasters, and a baby muslin/nappy bag/carrycot was left brazenly in clear view? What happens if the baby possets on the tablecloth, or someone knocks over a glass of port on the rug?

I genuinely think I'd be leaving her at it, and try to talk to her about it after Christmas. You're already tired, unless you have one of those miraculously sleeping-and-eating newborns. Why on earth subject yourself to someone who think it's appropriate to ask a new mother to rush about serving drinks and wiping fingerprints off a fridge with a special cloth?

OP, Your Mum is not being remotely appropriate here.
I'd stay home personally - either you or the baby can 'have D&V'.

If you do go, then you simply cant do this ridiculous drinks thing - you have a very young baby to care for.

Really sad she cant see how she is alienating everyone and spoiling what should be a happy relaxed day

I love a nice Excel spreadsheet, and admit to liking having A Plan when entertaining, but your mother is indeed in a class of her own. I have only one thing to add ...

Please tell me you're not serious about the hoovering and mopping

I could not tell if she is genuinely unwell, suffering from high anxiety over the day, or being unpleasantly controlling. (like there's any other kind but ykwim)

I agree that she has left 'having fun' etc off her list. In fact, these instructions are designed so that she has a good day, aren't they? Would anyone else mind if you left a changing back beside a chair or put the bouncy chair on the floor? What I'm saying is, she's thought about how to make the day as unstressful as possible for her with little thought to the comfort or happiness of the guests.

And tbh if you're so stressed out about fingerprints on your fridge handle, you really shouldn't entertain. Why put yourself through the stress.

I hope you have a really lovely Boxing Day with smeary door handles, a pile of washing up on the side, and enjoy a good game of coaster frisbee. But don't run out of loo roll.

Lottapianos. Thankyou for your kind sentiments. I'm working early both Christmas Eve (tomorrow) and Boxing Day so Christmas Day itself is stuck in a sort of limbo. I'll do my
best to get through.

Magic. The idea of a champagne
fridge seems to have caught many
people's imaginations, mine
included. So make it happen ! For
that and viewing the likely ridiculous
spectacle of Christmas dinner at your
mother's, I'd be tempted to turn up
myself. With a large side-order of
moral support and cognac.

Seriously be good to yourself and yours on the day. I've no doubt you'll be reporting back !

All the best .

Your mother doesn't sound a very well woman. Visit to the GP after Xmas, maybe, with a print-out of all these instructions?

Good luck for tomorrow, OP

Your mother is not at all middle class. Being overly preoccupied with (FFS) fingerprints on the fridge is a totally lower-class thing. I know this because my (fairly posh) mother has spent the last three days moaning at my cleaning efforts and indicating that aspiring to anything more than squalor is "very common".

And I hope you are now relaxing after a day not spent wiping fingerprints off someone's fridge.

How did it go OP? Or are you not posting due to having been arrested for attacking your mother with an axe?

either the op has fled the house and is hiding with baby or she's still cleaning fingerprints off things with her mother following her with a whip