To not want Xmas day to become part of my mums dictatorship

[Magicalsparkles]

Xmas day is at DMs this year, there will be 10 of us in total plus my 2 mo DD.
She has just sent my whole family a 'rota' of what our ' chores'will be on the day. It is all petty things like checking there is toilet roll, making sure there are enough coasters, that the candles are lit ect.. Things that people with common sence could check anyway.

She has written out the times to check these things and also said no baby stuff can be out as it makes the place look messy. She has also said that we are not to go in the kitchen where her, her dp, my nan and grandad will be as she does not want to be disturbed whilst cooking. (I am not 12 years old)

I understand Xmas is stressful as a host but AIBU to wish she would not try to control every aspect of everything and let us enjoy Xmas as a family rather than following a rota off pointless chores and rules???!!!!

Christ, sounds awful. Stay at home. Just tell her that it sounds like a lot of hard work on her behalf so you will give her a break and see her the next day. Then have a nice peaceful time not checking coasters, bog roll, candles etc.

*EITHER!! ...not neither :o

Or, as Batteries, says, hide the coasters and replace all the loo roll with empties, and scream 'NO FIRE NEAR THE BABY' any time anyone tries to light a candle

Genius - now this sounds like a fun afternoon!

I'm just wondering if she's feeling really stressed and wants everything to be perfect with the new granddaughter.
She's probably made endless lists & made everything very complicated and has now realised it's all too much. Delegating tasks could be a way of taking the pressure off.
Your main responsibility should be to snuggle up with DD somewhere and let them get on with it.

my first thought was, that after a few drinks, you could all mess around and make this into a game and have a laugh. eg someone has to change the toilet roll as near to alloted time as poss without anyone noticing them doing it....sorry not very imaginative with games, sure someone else on here must be.

she is clearly barking and doesn't realise it

i do so love reading these christmas threads. makes our family sound almost sane

You have an 8wk old baby, you do whatever the fuck you like, certainly NOT worrying about your DM toilet roll FGS.

There are ONLY 8 or so people coming that are not residents of the house, it's not feeding the 5,000. If she piles up the toilet roll, or instead of writing mad rotas gives instructions on where to find such and such, then it'd be a better use of her time.

If I were you I'd dash down to Tesco and go and get yourself enough to do your own lunch and stay home with your snuggly one.

Try this one for size: "I'm a grown adult, I don't do chores or get told what to do, if you are hosting, host, if you can't, don't, it's not obligatory and issuing rotas is the best way of making sure that NO-ONE enjoys a single second of the day"

If you have to go, make time for a loooong Christmas stroll with the pushchair to escape. You can drag your sisters along too like a true hero. Babies are brilliant. They give you a fantastic number of get out clauses.

I like the sound of Christmas with TheBatteries lots of laughs there, I'm sure! And Jassy's post made me think it might be fun for you to print off some forms like they have in supermarket toilets to be initialled with the time and date of each check that's been made!

I think your poor mum sounds very anxious & stressed out. Just go along for the day & stay out of her kitchen- it's not a good idea to take the pee out of someone who is hosting a Christmas day. I have not lost my sense of humour- I laughed at the bingo suggestion, but it might tip your mum over the edge if she found out

The way you say you don't want Christmas to become part of your DM's dictatorship suggests this controlling behaviour is not out of character for her and has affected other occasions. She is BVU by banning you from the kitchen and banning baby things. You have a 2 month old FGS! What are you supposed to do if you want to stop your DD screaming the house down by feeding, playing with or changing her? It's unrealistic. I think a new baby is a perfect excuse for you to stay at home this year.

cant you just turn up at mealtime? Say that you are easing her baby related stress by just coming for the meal only?

I imagine that she read on a website that is how you run Christmas day.

Sounds like great fun OP. Perhaps you could all come wearing comedy waiter/waitress costumes and doing your best 'Manuel from Fawlty Towers' accent while putting three coasters under every glass and festooning the picture frames with holly-patterned loo roll?

Are you breast or bottle-feeding? Could each breast or bottle have its own coaster? And does breast-feeding count as having untidy baby things out?

I would be inclined to go an hour before lunch is served and then would leave an hour after the meal. I would not go again as she sounds like a controlling kill joy.

Book next year's hotel in the first week of January. Good luck. I won't say I hope LO pukes up but if she does I hope it's somewhere which drives your DM batshit!

I don't understand about the toilet roll issue. Surely if there's a full roll in however many toilets she has, none of them will be all used up on Christmas day? Unless her cooking is really bad and she plans on giving everyone the shits?

As an outsider, that sounds really funny. Does your mum have one of those lists with times to sign to show that the toilets have been checked, like a motorway service station?

I think all families have some stress at Christmas, but yours sounds extreme. I'd aim to do what MrsAsprey suggests.

I think i'd be putting candles on the tables, beer mats in the toilets and setting light to some empty loo roll holders

Honestly OP this is so OTT. I'd be saying FGS mum - just let everyone be!

and do xmas at yours from now on

She is either a total control freak or not coping and the list is over reacting and trying to feel that its all in hand. I'd just not go til later in the day and say you think she has enough on her plate already and with a small baby you need a less formal day that centres around the baby's feeds and you will be round with some nibbles/wine and prezzies later in the day.

Aw, if only you could let that go viral on the internet like that woman did with her sil's letter re. Thanksgiving.

Just pop in for a couple of hours, fling their presents at them and go home to do your own thing

Control freaks spoil everything.

Oh no...I just couldn't do it. I like to cook overnight Christmas Eve, have a little sleep get up when I want..the teens drag themselves out of bed when they're ready, we do the presents opening thing then slouch around watching films until dinner is served..after that its more relaxing. I wouldnt be able to go to a such a regimented christmas event. Talk about "fun killer" Id be staying at home, you don't HAVE to feel obliged to attend events that possibly won't be so enjoyable, even if its family. Then again other family members there could make it a good day I suppose. There'll probably be side jokes about being "at work"...

I think I would stick to her schedule, but put the coasters in the loo, light the loo rolls

florentina1 Welcome to the Evil tendency

Whenever I read one of these Christmas threads I remember how fortunate I am to have abandoned Christmas twenty years ago. I live alone and spend Christmas alone. It's not perfect but it is must be preferable to the agony so many people have to put up with every December.

Good luck magic. I feel for you and all others in a similar predicament this Christmas .

And I thought my mother was bad...

I have a 3month old and we are going for a few hours AFTER lunch for good reason. You really should think about doing the same..