To not want Xmas day to become part of my mums dictatorship

[Magicalsparkles]

Xmas day is at DMs this year, there will be 10 of us in total plus my 2 mo DD.
She has just sent my whole family a 'rota' of what our ' chores'will be on the day. It is all petty things like checking there is toilet roll, making sure there are enough coasters, that the candles are lit ect.. Things that people with common sence could check anyway.

She has written out the times to check these things and also said no baby stuff can be out as it makes the place look messy. She has also said that we are not to go in the kitchen where her, her dp, my nan and grandad will be as she does not want to be disturbed whilst cooking. (I am not 12 years old)

I understand Xmas is stressful as a host but AIBU to wish she would not try to control every aspect of everything and let us enjoy Xmas as a family rather than following a rota off pointless chores and rules???!!!!

Well this sounds like the most fun Christmas Day ever (or is enjoying yourself not scheduled on the rota?)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can someone tell me how to do a name change. Evil Tendancy, sums me up so well.

Vienna, I think that sounds lovely. Peace and quiet and nobody's batshit crazy behaviour to have to deal with. I'm hoping to completely ditch Christmas myself next year, after building up to it for the last few years. Enjoy your day x

The 'reply to all' email I would be sending:

Dear Mum,

I noticed a few things that had been left off your rota for this year's Christmas death march celebration. Kindly advise where we should be slotting in 'enjoying the company of our loved ones', 'having fun' and 'relaxing'. Also, I assume, given the length and nature of the rota distributed, that 'consuming intoxicating spirits' is considered a given and does not need to be spelt out nor scheduled?

Smooches to all,

Merry

OP everyone should bring a pile of sealed beer mats from your locals to stack on the table, a pack of birthday day candles each. Open all the bog roll packs, stacking them around the loo...oh & print a copy of her missive/orders to be presented to her when, she "claims martyr-ship".

P.S. I bet she has a yappy type terrier?

florentina I have messaged you instructions.

oh, so by everyone's reactions this would not be a good plan to copy when my two come home with families. As it sounds a grand idea to me.

Glad to see your all finding this as bonkers as I am! I just got another email explaining I am on 'fridge duty' I would share it with you all for laughs but it sounds so crazy I think you would all think I was a troll! Haha, I am speechless about it all I do not know what to say! We are going Xmas eve as is far away and have to stay - and no hotels.. It's going to be fun!!

How can you be on fridge duty if you are banned from them kitchen?

Ah OP, sounds like she is stressed out about hosting. Don't do anything mean and stress her even more. Be supportive

It's hard to be supportive when she is talking about using a microfibre cloth and saying 'naughty people' about a group of adults

Just nod and agree and do your own thing when you are there - obviously looking after the baby will take up most of your time anyway.

Bloody hell op.

Every single time you use the fridge? But she'll be waiting on you anyway, if you can't enter the kitchen. She can microfibre her own bloody doors.

Ask for clarification on how you can monitor the fridge if you are not allowed to be in the kitchen.

OP are you my sister?

With a 2 month old your duties should be to relax and enjoy xmas! Bollocks to a rota. Just stay home.

My mum one year expected me to dish out food for the 15 guests she had - I don't mean take bowls to the table, I mean go along with a serving spoon to each person to put portions on their plate individually. Like a waitress - "potato, uncle Albert?". After I pissed myself laughing asked her why her husband couldn't help she said "the men have worked hard all year and it's their day to relax" at that point I worked more hours in the week than both DH and stepdad put together, working 2 jobs. However my vagina clearly made me prime waitress and martyr material, undeserving of relaxation

Can I have a champagne fridge?

What.the.actual.fuck ?

I would not be participating ! Stay at home, blame the baby

Just seen the email screenshot OP your mum is batshit crazy and I second spiking her drink. It's the only way.

Champagne fridge indeed

I think I love your dm OP. A special cloth for the special fridge, no less. Not the 'proper' fridge, the champagne fridge.

I love that she calls it a 'proper' fridge - as if all the other fridges are improper

She likes to think of herself as middle class.. Can you tell? Haha! I have been told I must be my usual 'swift' self and as I am on drinks duty now I can come into the kitchen to get drinks.. I must be swift, wipe the fridge as I go. Then must wash up each glass between drinks and put back in cupboards.. I'm ever so exited, I do hope the champagne fridge is full

Are you allowed to drink on duty though?

Prettywhiteguitar's "stay at home, blame the baby" is possible... pretend you've set off, then call to say that baby is throwing up everywhere and you'll have to turn round and go home. So sorry and all that... This happened to us for real on a big family celebration, so it is plausible.

My DM does not cope well with hosting (and her ability to cope got lower with the years) because she fusses and worries and wants everything perfect. But she isn't a patch on your DM. A few year's ago we basically pledged Never Again after a stressful Christmas at DMs and since then, we have told her we are doing Christmas at home and invited her to come to us.

Oh and PS - you have a 2 month baby. You can't be on drinks duty. Frankly with a 2 month baby I was still unable to get out of a dressing-gown let alone travel to a stressful family Christmas. No, she's got to find someone else for drinks duty I'm afraid. A little light checking on the toilet rolls while you're in there changing nappies is not in the same league as washing up everyone's frigging glasses!

I would think of an excuse to stay at home. She will make your Christmas hell.