To not want Xmas day to become part of my mums dictatorship

[Magicalsparkles]

Xmas day is at DMs this year, there will be 10 of us in total plus my 2 mo DD.
She has just sent my whole family a 'rota' of what our ' chores'will be on the day. It is all petty things like checking there is toilet roll, making sure there are enough coasters, that the candles are lit ect.. Things that people with common sence could check anyway.

She has written out the times to check these things and also said no baby stuff can be out as it makes the place look messy. She has also said that we are not to go in the kitchen where her, her dp, my nan and grandad will be as she does not want to be disturbed whilst cooking. (I am not 12 years old)

I understand Xmas is stressful as a host but AIBU to wish she would not try to control every aspect of everything and let us enjoy Xmas as a family rather than following a rota off pointless chores and rules???!!!!

Fridgezilla.

By all means have a word with her (and get someone unbabied on drinks duty!) but please don't mock her with the other guests by playing nag bingo. She will notice and she will probably cry.

I would go this year, OP, since you're committed - and just enjoy a meal cooked by someone else! - but next year, plan in advance to stay at home and have a relaxed Christmas with your immediate family.

Sorry, but I'm blatantly place marking for your Christmas Day updates

What in the SAM HILL is she on about expecting a family member to skivvy drinks and wipe refrig handles? Can you possibly come down with "uncontrollable pebble-dashing" or similar on the day and send your DH with instructions to carefully note any and all reactions?

This is really very funny (from the outside). Would love to see some more of your mum's instructions. I do feel a bit sorry for her too though. It sounds like she is a) stressed, b) overwhelmed, c) suspects that if she doesn't keep you all busy and pitching in you'll have Christmassy fun without her

Fridge duty!!!! She sounds like a basket case.

Make sure that you have just been leafing through the previous day's newspapers when you go to either fridge. Conveniently forget to wash your hands first so that you "accidentally" plaster black inky fingerprints all over it.

Has she been reading too many newspaper features crap detailing "how to have the perfect, stress free Christmas?"

I think you should up the stakes. Email back and suggest that your fridge come drinks remit should include gravy. And you plan to give each person 10ml of gravy at exactly 2.47pm and plate presentation must be swift and smooth

If this is real, and not an elaborate Christmas-season joke, don't go. Really, don't go. Stay at home and have beans on toast in peace and happiness.

Magicalsparkles I am quite controlling and this sounds like the kind of thing I would think of but not implement!

I too hate people coming in the kitchen when I am cooking. So she has my sympathy. BUT you have more of my sympathy.

If I were in your shoes I would pass my 'chores' onto someone else (partner, sibling whoever) and make sure someone else will be able to get nto the kitchen for you to get you a drink or whatever because if you are breast feeding you need to keep your fluids up a bit (I think) and if not you need to make up feeds etc. Why not counter with your own list of needs! If you baby is only 2 months old they do not need any toys, except you, so let any other parents there take up the toy battle for you.

Enjoy the day. Once lunch is out of the way it will calm down and (if anything like my house) everyone will doe off while watching Arthur Christmas!

Have a good one.

doze off!!!

What sort of "baby stuff" do you have to keep hidden? ?!!

Bonkers. This would have me regressing to sulky teenager mode. I'd call in sick and stay at home getting fingerprints all over the quality street.

Oh my goodness - has she not heard of prepping the day before? Honestly most of the work can be done in advance. It sounds as though she has built this up in a very much 'glass half empty' way.

Have you bought her present yet?
If not, then a box set of Fawlty Towers would be perfect. Only she wouldn't get it, would she?

I would make everyone badges: coaster monitor; superintendent of candles; bog roll topper-upper etc. And Mad Control Freak for She Who Must Be Obeyed.

It is Christmas Day, not the Normandy landings.

Congratulations: your mother has found a way to effectively extinguish any joy from the day. I'd be hosting an "after party" for everyone to escape to after the purgatory of spending time with this woman who cares more about wiping fridge handles obsessively that with making sure her guests have a nice time.

Ye gods and little fishes this is now crossed the line into completely unacceptable.

when my firstborn was 2 months old I considered it a victory if both me and the baby were dressed by lunchtime. No way should you be on "drinks duty" waiting on others. Certainly you should have freedom to get yourself a drink whenever you need it but that doesn't make you waitress.

Could you get hold of a bumper-size pack of disposable wineglasses so that there's no chance of a fingerprint on her glassware? That's a much more tenable plan than having you responsible for keeping the glassware and cupboards spotless.

I would approach it like this:

Mum, the Xmas dinner seems to be stressing you out. Is there anything that would simplify it and help you enjoy the day more? Say cut out Xmas pudding and two of the veg dishes?

The very fact that she's put the daughter with a 2 month old baby on drinks duty shows how unaware she is !

You could be up and down constantly getting drinks for 9 people

Sounds daft!
But I love the idea of a champagne fridge :-)

Checking loo roll? How many loos does your DM's house have, and does she often run out of loo roll when she has visitors?

Could the champagne fridge be moved into the lounge to stop people going into her kitchen (drink for nine will need some back and forthing) and then someone (not you!) take her a drink in every so often?

I'm more sympathetic to her than many as my mum used to get stressed about xmas, she now buys more pre prepared stuff and enjoys it much more. She wouldn't ask for help like your mum and would refuse it if offered but would end up crying, which was awful, so I'm glad she's now compromised a bit!

PMSL at fridge duty. OP can you update us on how xmas day goes?

I read an article in the paper the other day that actually suggested giving everyone a job as a way of keeping things harmonious and presumably taking the pressure off the hosts. Maybe she read it and took it a little too seriously.

Is her surname Bucket by any chance