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AIBU?

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Original poster

8 week old DD won't sleep!!! Feeling desperate :(

116 replies

Absofrigginlootly · 22/12/2014 04:29

Posted this in 'sleep' but also posting here for traffic. Sorry, but I am so desperate now!!!!

Sorry this is long, but detail needed I think. Typing this after hours of trying to get DD to sleep she has finally given in and asleep on me (for the moment).....

DD is almost 8 weeks old and exclusively BF. Has always been a crap sleeper/frequent waker and fought naps in the day but sometimes went 2-3 hours in her cot at night.

This week (week 7) she has become even more alert and it's made her sleeping even more of a nitemare! She is basically point blank refusing to sleep anywhere but on me or DH so we have to take it in turns throughout the night...but sometimes she won't even sleep on us until hours of 'battling' her to sleep have passed!

I have noticed that if she is awake for more than 2 hours she goes into meltdown (hard as she is SO alert she would stay awake all day of left to her own devices!!! This has happened on few days when I've had to attend appointments, and ends in hours and hours of screaming and taking until 12-1am to settle her!!!) so I try to get her back to sleep before 1-2 hours of awake time.... Hit and miss at the moment.

We are both feeling desperate now, if DH wasn't here I'd be averaging 1-2hrs a night max. Surely this isn't normal?! You can tell she's exhausted but she just won't let herself go, and even when she does, she's sleeping so lightly that the slightest thing (e.g, she moves her own arm) wakes her up. She's comfort sucking so much she's pooing loads, I'm worried she'll make herself ill...but if I don't give it to her then she just screams hysterically!!! The only time she gives in if I refuse her the boob (if I'm ridiculously sore for e.g.) cuddle her/rock her and essentially let her cry (which is f'king awful!) is after many many hours and she is completely exhausted. Can't co sleep....have tried it, it doesn't work because she wakes herself up, being led down next it me is the same as being in her cot so she might as well be in there because at least I sleep better. Sometimes I can rock her to sleep if she's almost asleep from feeding lots, but she's getting so heavy I can't do it much longer because it makes my stitches hurt (extensive tearing) Even DH is struggling to rock her to sleep now.

My HV is useless and never has more than 5 mins to speak because she's so disorganised and always running late. All the usual suggestions (swaddling, trips out in pram/car seat, white noise, dummy etc) make no difference at all :(

Considering giving a bottle of formula last thing at night....?! But I KNOW she's not hungry, she just won't sleep!!!!!! So don't think it would make any difference and after all I've gone thru to breastfeed (another thread!!) it feels like a failure.

I'm feeling pretty low and desperate....

OP posts:
OrangeRhinoInTraining · 22/12/2014 04:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CitizenOfTheWorld · 22/12/2014 04:36

I'm up with my own ds and didn't want to read and run. My dd1 was like this and I was desperate. I know think she had too much energy and didn't get tired. When she became more able to do things (grab a toy for example) she started to sleep better... And at 10 months as soon as she she started walking as ifby miracle she suddenly slept through the night. It may seem far away now but wanted to let you know so that you see there is hope, just be patient for a while longer, sometimes you are doing all you need to do and just need to wait. Xx

ClipClap · 22/12/2014 04:44

I don't have a huge amount of advice, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Some things to try, if you haven't already... Swaddling (is it too late?) worked brilliantly for me. Swaddle before the last feed/comfort suck when I was ready for bed and then done into a warm Moses basket (hot water bottle to warm). I also used a sheepskin in the Moses for a while - basically anything to try and con my DD that she was still being held.

Have you tried a dummy too? Annoying having to constantly put back in at first, but might be worth a try.

EAS (eat, activity, sleep) pattern from (I think) Baby Whisperer book to establish routine of sorts in the day and avoid overtiredness. The basic principle is to catch your LO at the very first sign of tiredness.

The thing I realised is that I just had to keep trying different things every night, as different things worked sleep-wise from week to week.

Hopefully some better advice/other suggestions will be on their way. Remember it does get easier so hang on in there!

BathshebaDarkstone · 22/12/2014 04:54

I'm sorry I can't help, co-sleeping worked for me and meant we could both get some sleep. I hope she sorts herself out soon. Flowers

Lagoonablue · 22/12/2014 05:03

Comfort sucking is normal as is pooing loads. You shouldn't leave her to cry. Are you feeding on demand? Keep on doing it. She is only still so young and may be on a growth spurt.

I would try co sleeping. Let her latch on and she will to sleep while you doze.

It will get better.

Lagoonablue · 22/12/2014 05:06

Sorry see you have tried co sleeping. My DD was anti like this. Turned out she had silent reflux. Propping her cog up helped a bit,

maras2 · 22/12/2014 05:18

Just hand holding.I had one like that nearly 40 years ago.You can see why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.Here's a Brew and someCake for you and your husband?I do hope that she settles soon.Mx.

Monkeyblue2 · 22/12/2014 06:23

All my babies were bf and co slept and it honestly saved me! Some babies are just really sucky babies and need to feed often. What time do you go to bed? I suggest that you Kay down on your side, pillow behind your back and feed her to sleep. Keep feeding every time she appears to start waking up so she stays sleepy. After a while (maybe couple of hours) she will start to feel secure that you are there and she is well fed she will go off into a deeper sleep. Keep her there but edge away from fee if you find sleeping close keeps you awake.

Hedgehog1977 · 22/12/2014 06:32

Our little one (now 14 weeks) was like this for a while, it will pass. Spent many nights propped up with cushions! A co sleeping cot was a life saver for us as our mattress isn't suitable for co sleeping. He still falls asleep on me and I have to wait until he is in a deep sleep to transfer him but he only usually wakes twice in the night now. Daytime naps still on us! X

Zara8 · 22/12/2014 06:41

Both my children (one FF, the current 10 week old is BF) have been like this.

I recommend:

  • sling for daytime naps right now.
  • Get her in the sling at the FIRST sign of tiredness - yawning, staring into space, rubbing hands, bring fists together at her chest. Overtired babies are nigh on impossible to get to sleep. She may well be ready for a nap after an hour to 90 mins of awake time.
  • tight swaddle before last feed (done lying down, in a dark room). Have had to swaddle both my babies or they wake themselves up hitting their face with hands. VERY tight swaddle, you can't leave wriggle room. Large muslins from M&S good for this, think you can get giant muslins at mothercare too.
  • early bedtime - from 6pm. Mine get over cranky and hyperactive if not kept in a dark room from early evening.

It DOES get better, honestly Brew

  • dummy
Zara8 · 22/12/2014 06:43

What happened there - I meant to say USE a dummy, not you are a dummy!!! Blush

Tommee tippee cherry bulb ones (the cheap ones) can be easiest for little babies to hold in

ithoughtofitfirst · 22/12/2014 06:45

Bless you op. My 8 week old dd isn't much better. I'm co sleeping and doing what monkey describes. My ds was much worse though and in the end i just switched him to formula and he started sleeping through. Might be coincidence. I am coping okay atm but if she doesn't improve i'll be doing the same for her.

Zara8 · 22/12/2014 06:45

Now my DD is bigger (just - 10 weeks) she will sometimes nap in her bouncy chair or upstairs in her crib if tightly swaddled with a dummy. She doesn't like the dummy at night though.

Baby's second month of life is the most unsettled. It gets better from here.

mix56 · 22/12/2014 06:47

Cranial osteopathy worked literally within a day for me/us

Zara8 · 22/12/2014 06:47

And what monkeyblue suggests too - yep, this is how we do the last feed! Now it only takes 40 mins for her to fall asleep, a couple of weeks ago it was 2+ hours...

Zara8 · 22/12/2014 06:52

What I learnt as well after my son (hours and hours of screaming if overtired) is this: you have to detach emotionally a bit from the crying. It's hard, but try. She's not crying because you're doing anything wrong. She's crying because she doesn't know how to go to sleep on her own yet, and she is very comforted by being close to you. She can also pick up on your stress levels.

Breathe deeply. Look at baby. Assess what she needs. Look at clock. Decide how long you will try current strategy (say, an hour), before trying something else/swapping with DH.

Callmegeoff · 22/12/2014 06:58

You poor thing, the only thing I could add that worked for me is to slightly change the way you breast feed. Always start on the side you last fed on so that she gets the higher calorie hind milk, as too much foremilk causes wind apparently.

FilbertSnood · 22/12/2014 06:58

Can I just sympathise. I remember this hell. Sometimes my DH would take DD out in the car for a few hours just so I could get a little sleep. I agree that different things helped on different nights, there was no single solution for us. Co sleeping didn't help - she couldn't feed lying down. But it did help when she was around 5 months. But my DS was only fine when co sleeping from the start. All I can say is that different things work for different babies at different times. Keep trying things - eventually they simply get older and you are through the hell.

I think DD was helped sometimes with a bit of swaddling, sometimes, I used to pace the house wearing a sling, sometimes I just constantly fed her, sometimes I rocked her to sleep, sometimes the car was the only solution.

Finally - I'm afraid this is normal for some babies - you can do this though, you will sleep again.

SmallOlympianBear · 22/12/2014 07:19

Ah, my DD was like this. It can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Slings/wraps saved us during the day. I had a Moby wrap, which is a little faffy to learn to tie when sleep deprived, but was a miracle. Used to walk her to sleep then was able to sit down and rest once she slept. What also helped was remembering how new in the world they are. Someone described the first 3 months as the fourth trimester, where the baby adjusts to bring in the outside world. Things do change quickly. With hindsight (I now also have a DS) I would have worried less and just gone with whatever worked. It all changes so fast anyway. Tea and cake to you

piechuck · 22/12/2014 07:27

It's horrible and hard but totally normally what you're going through and I think you're doing everything you can. What worked for us (eventually, not till about 12 weeks), is by cracking the lying down feed, which allowed me to sleep at the same time.

Your baby LOVES you and just wants to be with you all the time. You will get through this.
Thanks

Original poster
Absofrigginlootly · 22/12/2014 17:51

Bump....

Desperate, she been awake today since 1pm!!!! Have got her to have a 20min and 50 min nap in all that time...She is sound asleep and then just wakes herself up!!!!?????
DH currently trying to rock her to sleep, she looks knackered poor thing has red eyes :(

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 22/12/2014 18:09

Have you tried swaddling? Only thing that kept mine asleep. You can buy special swaddle wrap things if your not comfortable using a normal blanket. Also completely against medical advise I slept them on their side with a blanket stuffed infront and behind (well away from face) then a sheet stretched rights across the top so they couldn't move. Also a dummy might be worth a try as really helped my bf babies

Purplepoodle · 22/12/2014 18:12

It always took my ds1 max 15 mins to cry down to sleep (he was bottle but super sensitive). I found took even longer if I rocked or patted him. He was best left in the cot to cry down as any attention made him over stimulated. I only discovered this by accident when I was babysitting a friends toddler who had a poo incident so had to just stick.dc down while I feat with the poo!

Daveface · 22/12/2014 18:22

Sounds like desperate overtiredness that will take a while to realign as it were.

Try settling back to sleep after only 1 hour of awake time. I swear by slings and my little ones rarely battled once in the sling. Fresh air also works wonders. So I would pip in sling or buggy and walk round the block and that would mostly work!

flipflopsonfifthavenue · 22/12/2014 18:23

DS2 is 6 weeks and gets overtired so quickly as he's so alert and interested. Find I have no idea what his sleepy signs are or how long he can be awake for between naps. So essentially he ends up awake for hours and screaming himself to sleep either in the sling or car or buggy. It's horrid I feel like I'm failing him as I can't give him what he needs which is sleep! He just won't switch off.