To ruin Christmas by telling dh I am pregnant?

[Chocolatewispa]

I have just found out I am pregnant. Af is not due till Xmas eve. I don't want to tell dh until then incase it turns out to be a chemical. I have done a frer and clear blue both bfp. We have a dd 14 months who was not planned. Dh was angry and upset the whole pregnancy making the whole experience miserable.
I just started taken the mini pill (after 14 months of withdrawal method!) this month. I don't think I have taken it the same time every day:-(
If I tell dh on Xmas eve it's guaranteed to make Xmas crap. If I don't tell him he will suspect by my lack of drinking. I am so sad that this won't be a wonderful surprise for him.

Munning, are you basically saying "Some people aren't pregnant, you shit"?

re withdrawl - I used it for five years and didn't get pregnant. Began to think one of us must be infertile, but then conceived during the first month of stopping it.

Not saying it's a great method of contraception, it is a risk, and I have no scientific data at all. But it did work perfectly well for me, and I know two other people who've had it work for them.

Ashwagamdha... Thanks for your more detailed post. I'd love to read the article myself... It's so frustrating that detailed information is not out there. Descriptors of perfect and typical use would be so useful for methods such as diaphragm and withdrawal.

Good luck, it must have been difficult being with a man who was angry your whole pregnancy.

If one parter agrees to take responsibility for contraception then they should take it reliably. What's the point in going on the pill if you aren't going to take it? It sounds like you're happy about this and have tricked him into another baby.

Yes he could have used condoms but I'd guess most people trust their spouse when they say they are taking the pill. Just as most would trust their partner to put a condom on if they said they would.

The withdrawal method? If he was that desperate.not to be a dad again he would have used a condom. Tell him, he might be pleased if he enjoys your DD.

Wow. Sounds like you really picked a winner.

What is af ?

AF = Aunt Flo = a period

Correct me if I'm wrong but are you just upset that his initial reaction won't be the joyous one you'd like because it wasn't planned? I can understand that although you did mention he was difficult the whole pregnancy so I think that is what is confusing.

As someone who is actively trying and would love nothing more than to tell my DH I'm pg at Christmas I have to say this post was hard to read but you can't account for other peoples circumstances, this is such an emotive subject for so many.

With that said Congratulations on your lovely news, I wish you and your lo a lovely Christmas and I hope your husband proves himself to be wonderful when you tell him the news- as long as you feel safe I think you should tell him ASAP It takes two to make a baby remember

There was a time when DH and I used the withdrawal method, the result is now 8. He wasn't exactly surprised when I told him I was pregnant as it's most definately not a reliable source of contraception.

Honestly if your DH gives you grief about being pregnant helpfully remind him about your contraception choice for the past year!

Withdrawal is not a method imo, pre-cum is usually very fertile stuff. I certainly wouldn't be considering it a reliable contraception. I mean what did he think there was no chance of pregnancy?! Even the pill is only 99% so accidents happen.

There is no point hiding the news, he's an adult and you should be able to have a grown up conversation without him sulking and ruining Christmas. If he is going to act like this maybe you should consider your options?

I would still have a glass or wine or two over Christmas (if you're only 4 weeks you won't even be sharing blood with your baby yet) so he's not suspicious then tell him after.

Will he be super analysing the pg/edd etc? You could lie and say you think your further on than you thought and blame the withdrawal method from the month before?

I agree with cheese. Sounds like you manipulated him.

Why the mini pill not regular?
I am suspicious as you just wouldnt waste money testing early and this is quite an early bfp,
1:4 or so end in chemical or miscarriage.
I certainly wouldnt be telling before at least a week late..
I dont feel too sorry for him though as using the withdrawl method is silly anyway.
If you genuinely have had an unexpected accident maybe the pill doesnt work for you so use condoms from now on.
2 accidents is bit careless/inconvenient.
Im sure he'll know its intentional/ very careless as 91-99% effective means only up to 9 out of 100 get pg in a year so under 1 per month, in your first month you would have to be incredibly unlucky. Or very fertile.

I think the fact the OP has always wants another, tested before her period was even due never one late and didn't warn her DH that she had taken a pill at the wrong time so they could decide as a couple to refrain or use extra protection indicates she knew pregnancy was on the cards this month.

I love how the man is the bad guy for being upset an an "unplanned" pregnancy but the OP is virtuous. As an adult if your pill is due at 2pm and you take at 5pm you know it's late and could have consequences.

Do people honestly not tell your partners on the off chance that you might miscarry? If you did, surely you'd want him to know to give you support?

Ok so I have told dh. He couldn't have been more supportive and to my surprise happy. I think to be honest I was the one upset this morning. He has said that the first pregnancy was hard as he had no idea what to expect.
I am v much a happier person now for talking to him.
FYI I spent realised that you had to take the mini pill the same time when I read about someone who didn't on another site. I'm not stupid but previous I had an implant so didn't worry about such things.

I think you should just tell him ASAP.

Chocolatewispa That's wonderful, and (but not [wioe]]to you. Have you a brother? If not you have now if only of the cyber sort. Consider yourself hugged by him!

Should have been not damn this keyboard!

Xpost. Glad you told him

Good news Choc! Now you can have a wonderful Christmas x

Im amazed you got away with the withdrawal method for 14 months
Congratulations

Well granted I do have lots of children but every single one was planned (in advance). Using the withdrawal method combined with cycle awareness has never caused an accident with me.

The bastard injection however is a totally different matter I'm currently weighing up disclosure or not and I'm pretty sure I'm going with none disclosure BUT the difference is (I think) that you are intending on producing a baby in 8 or so months I'm not. And odd it may well be but I'm sure as shit going to go back to my tried and trusted method rather than over reliance on a method outside of my control.

If you are intending to arrive home one day with an actual real baby its only polite to disclose the situation and unless he's very unobservant he will notice. Put on your grown up pants and tell him. If you felt it would help inform him that you do not want a repeat of his behaviour last time.

If you don't intend on having a baby then you don't need to tell.