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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ruin Christmas by telling dh I am pregnant?

113 replies

Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 09:24

I have just found out I am pregnant. Af is not due till Xmas eve. I don't want to tell dh until then incase it turns out to be a chemical. I have done a frer and clear blue both bfp. We have a dd 14 months who was not planned. Dh was angry and upset the whole pregnancy making the whole experience miserable.
I just started taken the mini pill (after 14 months of withdrawal method!) this month. I don't think I have taken it the same time every day:-(
If I tell dh on Xmas eve it's guaranteed to make Xmas crap. If I don't tell him he will suspect by my lack of drinking. I am so sad that this won't be a wonderful surprise for him.

OP posts:
LumpenproletariatAndProud · 21/12/2014 09:49

To be fair, the mini pill didnt fail. Wink

Congratulations, I would tell him. Now, get it out the way. Hopefully he won't let it spoil Christmas. Flowers

tobysmum77 · 21/12/2014 09:49

FGS op just tell him now. Why pussy foot around him, if he doesnt like it he knows what he can do.

And you can drink on painkillers unless you are taking tramadol for period pain

Mrsstarlord · 21/12/2014 09:50

I don't think he can be that worried about you getting pregnant if he has been using the withdrawal method for a year.

Might be worth mentioning this if he has a paddy about it.

FunkyBoldRibena · 21/12/2014 09:51

If you are with a man that considers it a ruined christmas if you tell him you are pregnant, then I think you are with the wrong man.

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose · 21/12/2014 09:51

He sounds like a peach Xmas Hmm

But I would tell him as well. Lies tend to make things worse in the end. I would also let him know exact what an arse he is being if he does blame you and ruin Christmas.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 21/12/2014 09:53

I would tell him now so he can get his head around it in time for Christmas Day. Tbh I don't see why it's so awful to be upset about an unplanned pregnancy, totally reasonable imo as long as he comes to terms with it once he's had time to reflect.

debbriana · 21/12/2014 09:54

No you should never drink on pain killers especially paracetamol.

tobysmum77 · 21/12/2014 09:56

if that was the case it would say so in the leaflet and it doesn't. the only reference to alcohol is that it shouldn't be taken by alcoholics.

Mrsstarlord · 21/12/2014 10:01

debbriana - I think you are mistaken.

Happyringo · 21/12/2014 10:13

(The mini pill didn't 'fail' - as you said yourself, you weren't taking it as directed!)

Hope it all works out ok for you OP x

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 21/12/2014 10:17

He obviously wasn't that bothered about you getting pregnant because he knows withdrawal is not foolproof. He could have used condoms.

ConfusedInBath · 21/12/2014 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 10:21

Ok I don't think I have provided enough info. My husband was simply in the shock with pregnancy of dd. he was caring to me, attended all midwife appointments and was an amazing birth partner. What I am expecting to happen when I tell him is that he will be in shock again (so no dancing around the Xmas tree in joy!). But he will be 100% supportive and do anything and everything for his family.
I fully expect people's opinions on mumsnet are there's but too assume I planned this because my 50 or so word post sounds smug is hurtful and completely untrue. I won't be leaving dh either we have been together 10 years and gone through a lot I know him and I know we will be ok. My OP I suppose was intended for any one with like experience. I must make sure my posts a clear in future.

OP posts:
FayKorgasm · 21/12/2014 10:21

Sweetheart I think you need to look at what you wrote. He was angry and upset for the first pregnancy which made it miserable for you. Not even close to the definition of a wonderful husband no matter how much he came around in the end.

gamerchick · 21/12/2014 10:21

No the mini pill didn't fail did it OP?

Congrats and good luck.

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 21/12/2014 10:21

I probably wouldn't tell him until 10 weeks if his reaction is going to be so awful. Id probably buy non alcoholic wine/beer and hope he doesn't notice in the glass

OOAOML · 21/12/2014 10:25

Both my children are the result of unplanned pregnancies - on both occasions I had spoken to DH before I got the test about how I felt, why I thought I might be pg etc. First time he came into the bathroom with me to check the test (was pretty sure I was). Second time I told him as soon as I'd done it (had been thinking I was being paranoid and I wouldn't be pg, but no, my gorgeous DS was on the way). I can't imagine being worried about telling him - maybe worried about how we would cope, but not about telling him.

TwinkleDust · 21/12/2014 10:25

Are you sure about the accuracy of the test, especially if you have been taking hormonal contraception..?

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 21/12/2014 10:25

He chose to get you pregnant by having unprotected sex. He is responsible.

There is a chance he will get his head round things second time round. It's quite scary becoming a dad for the first time. My DH had lots of worries about money, mortgages, responsibility etc. Second time round he didn't worry at all.

DustInTheWind · 21/12/2014 10:25

Ah yes, withdrawal. Also known amongst the Catholics in my family as Vatican Roulette.
He needs to get his head round the idea, but you said he was angry and upset for nine months of your previous pregnancy, so he does sound an immature and egocentric man. To be unsettled for a couple of weeks maybe, but for the entire pregnancy?
Get together and start working out a financial plan for the next few years.
If he doesn't want the risk of pregnancy then he needs to understand what my two children know. The only 100% sure way is no PIV sex. Or PNV sex.
This baby is 50% his doing.

ConfusedInBath · 21/12/2014 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsstarlord · 21/12/2014 10:27

Seriously Hedghog? You'd go to those lengths to hide something so important from your husband because you were scared of his reaction but you'd stay with him?

Without wanting to be awful, just tell the man. Neither of you sound like you have been particularly responsible in terms of family planning and you are presenting some very mixed messages here. If he is as wonderful as your second post suggests you have nothing to worry about but he should be concerned about you telling the world first because you are too scared to tell him.

Happyringo · 21/12/2014 10:30

You have to take the mini pill at the same time each day - you mention this in your OP, so were aware of the guidance, and also acknowledge that you weren't taking it at the same time every day.

To be brutally honest I think you should've told your DH that you hadn't taken it correctly, as he presumably had no reason to think the pill wasn't providing good contraception - except you knew otherwise. I'm not trying to have a go, but those are the facts you outlined in your OP. I really
hope it works out for you and that your DH isn't too shocked xx

Mrsstarlord · 21/12/2014 10:31

Confused - there's a bit of a difference between being upset about an unplanned pregnancy and this
'Dh was angry and upset the whole pregnancy making the whole experience miserable.'

However the OP has since said

he was caring to me, attended all midwife appointments and was an amazing birth partner.

Which is a little confusing tbh!

thornrose · 21/12/2014 10:31

Dh was angry and upset the whole pregnancy making the whole experience miserable. in fairness OP this paints a totally different picture to your later comment he was caring to me, attended all midwife appointments and was an amazing birth partner.