AIBU to want to wait before family meet new baby

[Discopanda]

DD2 is due soon after DD1's third birthday and I really want to wait a week or two before we have the rest of our family to visit so DD1 can bond with her little sister first and get used to having a baby around the house. She's a real mummy's girl and especially because of her age I'm wary about how she'll react but I know asking people not to visit straight away will put some noses out of joint. When we had DD1 we were living with PIL's and MIL was inviting people that I barely knew over from day 1 to meet the new baby and I'd really like to have more time to recover and help DD1 adjust this time round. AIBU to tell our families that we want a bit of time before they all visit? I'm very nervous about putting my foot down.

What a really good idea! Yes I agree. You are putting both of your children before anyone else. Good on you. Why worry if a few noses are put out of joint. You will need time to get to know your new baby and no one I know would offer to make the tea so you are giving yourself time to adjust and not be stuck in the kitchen looking after everyone else. I wish you a calm peaceful first few days.

I love my parents and siblings and wanted them to visit me - yes me - not just the baby. In turn they wanted to come and see me, look after me a bit as well as to welcome the new family member. dh was less bothered about his parents/siblings, but they aren't particularly close. I certainly wanted my ILs to visit when dh was on his paternity leave, I would not have liked to have them visit when he wasn't there, simply because I didn't know them too well so their visits were quite hard work.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting some control over visitors but fixed rules announced in advance may well cause significant upset that you will then have to deal with for a long time. It really doesn't seem worth the hassle to me. Figure out a way to manage visitors so that you don't feel overwhelmed but don't shut them completely out.

Oh and my mother had my siblings in the 60s. All born at home and arrangements under her control, so no blanket bans. Besides which as someone who had to stay in hospital after a c-section I hated being in the hospital and couldn't wait to leave. The old ways weren't particularly good.

Of course as someone who didn't want visitors and was very upset when my bloody mother and in laws arrived in the hospital against my wishes, I must clearly not love my family

Yabu! And a bit entitled and precious to boot. You would really keep immediate family away for 2 weeks? Give yourself a tap will you?!

Also I'm not sure who will be looking after DD during the birth, I'm guessing not any family! But what if your little one needs appts or even stay in hospital etc and you need to call on family for extra childcare? We had DC2's tongue tie snipped at 9 days old and we really needed childcare for that. Hopefully you won't, but won't you feel a bit of a user if you do tell them they are not welcome, until suddenly you need them?

It IS different this time. Your MIL is not going to invite her random neighbours into your home. People don't have to stay all day. You can welcome them without letting them walk all over you.

I didn't say that other people don't love their families Teddy, why on earth wodul you take that from my comment. I spoke only from my own position. But I do find it puzzling if you like spending time with your family and think they are an important part of your life why you'd want to exclude them. Having said that I was in for three days each time and bored and lonely. If you were only there for a few hours after birth and that's when your children turned up then that it quite intrusive.

YAVU

Reading the first few posts I felt I'd opened up a nethuns thread.

FGS.

Thankfully a few sane voices then appeared.

Don't be so daft OP and don't borrow trouble. Your new baby doesn't have to interrupt your DD's life that much, there's not much you can't do with a newborn in tow. If you don't make a huge song and dance about it, neither will she.

Then alienating all your family and friends, not a smart move and comes across as very up your own arse when people do it. Only on MN I hasten to add. I don't know anyone IRL so fecking Precious, thank god.

Get off the internet and just live life in the now. I had myself convinced there would be massive sibling adjustment from reading too much online. My eldest is five and I have a three and one year old. Have really had no issues, at all.