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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To do this... I feel terrible

114 replies

Emma0811x · 18/12/2014 20:22

Ok...
So my LO is almost 5 weeks old. I'm a first time mum struggling to do both day and night shifts while my partner goes off to work... Every other night I have asked him to do night shifts just so I can have an uninterrupted nights sleep so I have the energy and am more alert for the next day! Is it wrong of me to ask him to do this as he's also working? I feel soooo bad :(

OP posts:

WhyTheFace · 18/12/2014 23:57

It's hard having babies.

NancyJones · 19/12/2014 00:00

Thanks, AF. None of mine have slept through before they turned 2yrs so sleep deprivation becomes second nature as does going to work on such little sleep.
DTRYC, I have friends and their eldest had silent reflux. They got 1hour max until they weaned her. My friend was in a state of sheer exhaustion and near collapse until diagnosis at 4mths! I feel for your poor wife. Hope it's all a distant memory now.

DixieNormas · 19/12/2014 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeddyBee · 19/12/2014 00:23

With my first I used to stay in bed til midday sometimes. Blissful memories :) just feed and sleep, feed and sleep. This one would be well up for that, but DH mostly works away so I have to get the other two up and dressed and off to school every morning. And then of course I don't nap during the day because if she's asleep I want to drink tea and fuck about on the Internet. Like I'm doing now...

sashh · 19/12/2014 07:10

To all of you saying, "well if he is a surgeon...." actually surgeons and other health care workers often do on call sessions.

If anyone has had emergency surgery or a visit to a cardiac cath lab in the middle of the night, those departments are not routinely open all night, all the staff have been called in, and they will do a full day's work the day after.

It's not that long since junior doctors worked 100+ hour weeks for 2 years.

OP you and your partner are both parents so you should both be looking after your little one. How you do that depends on you both and your baby.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/12/2014 08:07

NancyJones: She's a teenager so she's asleep most of the time now.

ZanyMobster · 19/12/2014 08:21

I am at the number of people who are saying sleep when the baby doesn't, DS1 not only didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at night he didn't sleep for more than 20 mins in the day, it was exhausting! DH probably got up at least once every night as it was so bad, I tried to do the majority but when I couldn't manage then he would do it. DH doesn't need as much sleep as me, 5 hours is usually ok for him.

I wouldn't have asked him to get up all night every other night but more when I needed him to.

ZanyMobster · 19/12/2014 08:27

I do think it depends so much on your situation, like others having time together with DH kept my sanity and we had only been together 9 months when DS was born (he was a bit early) so early days for us in our relationship.

I EBF in those early days but DS wasn't waking to be fed otherwise I agree there would be no point in us both being awake.

Whatever works for you and you are both happy with.

Kittymum03 · 19/12/2014 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnomeDePlume · 19/12/2014 08:37

When I was on ML I did the night feeds but once I was back at work (at 6 weeks with DC1, 3 months with DC2 and 4 weeks with DC3) we did one night on and one night off. This meant that even if you were up all night on one night you knew that you would be able to sleep through on the other night.

It worked for us. I still remember that lovely feeling of 'not my turn'!

MrsKoala · 19/12/2014 08:55

DH and i prioritise sleep over everything else. If one of us is awake the other is usually asleep. if the dc are both asleep we both go to sleep. If they are awake one of us is up with them and the other sleeps. Then we swap over. Even before dc we slept a lot, 10-11hrs a night and 3hr naps at weekends. It helps that we don't like each other much There is no way either of us would sacrifice sleep or feel knackered to spend time together - the time would just be spent zombie like staring into space/the tv, so hardly quality time.

Kittymum03 · 19/12/2014 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnomeDePlume · 19/12/2014 13:26

we just helped each other really

Kittymum03 - that is the key

Sleepyhoglet · 19/12/2014 13:38

I'm in exactly the same position. My 5 week old cluster feeds during the night as well so no down time at all last night!

I won't ask him to do a night for me though-

I don't want him to be tired driving to work.
He does a lot when he comes home -eg housework, cooking, washing up, bathing and changing the baby and in the mornings brings me breakfast and changes her. At the weekend we so whatever I feel up to so that might be me laying in bed day and him looking after DD just bringing her time me for feeds and taking her for a walk so I can sleep.

The way I see it is that his job is took after me so I can look after the baby. Yes I look after her day and night but it isn't a stressful job and I can slump on the sofa most of the time. Sure it can be tiring but not the same sort of tiring as being up al night then going to work. Once I am working again then we will review.

Also, I ask him to sleep in the spare room so he gets a good night.

The only thing I will not tolerate is him saying he is tired.

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