to drop out the day before?

[velvetspoon]

Have been invited to friends new house for a pre Xmas 'get together' tomorrow evening.

Two of us going don't drive. It's about a 1.5hr journey to get to friends nearest station and then a 25 min walk from there.

Other non driving friend has a 2.5 hour train journey (actual distance not that far, just involves going via London etc). due to that plus cost she said late last night she's not going.

We were invited to stay over, I've already said I cant as DS2 (13) is at home, and whilst he'll be fine for an eve, I wouldn't leave him alone overnight. So as it is I'll only be going for 3 hours. WIBU to say I'm not going now and suggest we rearrange for another time?

You sound like one of those 'friends' who ditch your friends when you get with a boyfriend. You will care that you have no friends one day, honestly.

I've been single most if my adult life, so dropping friends isn't something I do, I'm not in a position to.

I generally don't have a problem keeping friends, or meeting new ones. I don't expect based on that fact that I'll have 'no friends' at any point. But if it happens it happens. I'm sure the world will still turn, and I'll meet new/ reconnect with old ones. I'm certainly not going to live my life doing things out of fear I might one day end up with no friends. What an oddly negative way that would be to behave.

Yes thinking of other people's feelings, what an oddly negative way to behave..

sharonthewasp - hilarious - where did you get that from the OP's posts? The OP is a grown woman with a 13 year old DS - she's not still at school...

It makes sense that it was the lift-factor that made you think this plan was ever do-able in the first place.

In your shoes- single parent, f/t wohm - no way would I willingly plan an evening out that meant 4 hours travelling, with a curfew to meet. At the end of a working week.

Hopefully you can re-plan and leave on a Saturday tea time when your Ds is at his dad's. And just go with the 'nice' friend. It sounds as if it would be better to split up, given the recent upsets.

Has the host responded to the cancellation suggestion?

It's take out pizza and nibbles! And a long journey to get there. OP just call it off.

letting someone down on the last Friday before Christmas because you can't be arsed is a big deal.

Diddums...Christmas is one day a year! You can't just say 'the last X before Christmas' as if it is some sort of law that nobody can change their mind during December because it is too near to Christmas - of course people can change their minds and they can do so at any time of the year.

I'm going against the grain and say you wouldn't be unreasonable to pull out. I had a situation recently where my friend invited me to her works do because her dp wouldn't attend. It got more elaborate and involved an overnight stay. I really didn't want to go because I wouldn't know anyone there, and I'm quite shy but didn't want to let her down. Ironically the day before, she cancelled on me as she was feeling unwell . Obviously I said it was fine, but it made me think I shouldn't commit to doing something I don't want to do just because I don't want to let someone down. I also have an almost 13 year old and I wouldn't want to leave her alone whilst I was hours away.

I've been single most if my adult life, so dropping friends isn't something I do, I'm not in a position to.

Why would you not drop these friends since you've said you don't care much for them anyway and you've been bothering less so why not save yourself the stress and drop the ones who cause you angst? Otherwise you could end up repeating the same AIBU next year when they rearrange if your mate drops out.

YANBU! Thank god you are off the hook while retaining the moral high ground

I know this is all resolved but I really think this was an odd thing to say

By car it would take about 45 mins or so, but if I could drive I'd have to go home first after work to get the car, which takes at least an hour.

Why on earth would you be thinking about ways of getting there that are totally impossible to you?! It's on a par with, 'if I could go by helicopter, it would be loads quicker, but I haven't got one. And I can't fly one.'

Or can you drive really but you just don't want to? I am confused by why going home to get a car you don't own and can't drive is worth mentioning?!

I can picture another thread now -

I invited some friends over for dinner, made it sound like it was just low key and relaxed, so they'd know I didn't expect them to dress up, friend A cancelled, but I was still hoping to see friend B. AIBU to be upset that friend A has now cancelled MY party - wasn't that my call to decide whether or not to go ahead?

I think you have a point there justmyview
The group message suggesting cancellation sounded a bit rude to me.

The car point was because a poster asked how long it would take by car.

I added the bit about going home to explain that because of my work location I wouldn't be any better off even if I could drive, it would still be a similar length journey there. Just quicker getting back.

Host friend replied late last night to say she agreed with postponing to Jan sometime. Just to be clear it was friend who WAS going who said to rearrange, not the one who's already said she couldn't go.

Didn't you have a dilemma not long ago where you were hurt that some friends had let you down when you were hosting at YOUR house, OP?

I'm glad it worked out ok OP. I think you were getting a bit of a roasting on this thread. Dropping out isn't great but given the circumstances I would have dropped out too. So much better though for the host to cancel

I decided to stop doing things that make me miserable just to make other people happy. It's not ideal but I doubt anyone will have been inflicted with lasting damage, might be a good idea to think things through before accepting further invitations though. I now use the phrase " Thanks for the invite, I will see what I am up to and get back to you", then give the whole thing some thought instead of accepting on the spot.