to wonder if you even realise you're doing it?

[JessieMcJessie]

I have a lot of friends with toddlers. I like to catch up with them now and again, and they seem to like the idea of spending some time with me.

However most of them seem to find it completely acceptable to ask me how I am, or get me to start telling an anecdote, but then repeatedly cut me off mid-sentence to talk to the child. I'm not talking about life-threatening situations here - it's absolutely fine to ignore my story about how my brother is recovering after his hospital stay in order to administer the heimlich manoevre to a three year old. You don't even need to say "excuse me" first.

But asking the child if they want some toast or a story - not so much. I suspect that this is how they engage with their partners/other Mums and they forget how it comes across to others, and they probably think that as a close friend I won't mind as I had said I wanted to see the toddler, and he/she is cute etc. I do mind though. Last time it happened I actually felt so offended I wanted to cry - my friend clearly wasn't the slightest bit interested in what I had to say and admitted when she finally turned her attention back to me that she'd forgotten what I'd said.

So. AIBU to wonder if you even notice that you're causing offence?

[hackmum]

I've had this - it's incredibly irritating. If the toddler is demanding something, I'm quite happy for the mum to say "sorry, I just need to deal with X for a moment" and then come back to me. But when they just ignore you when you're in mid-flow to talk to their toddler and clearly aren't interested in what you're saying, that's intensely irritating.

I've been on the other side too - where I've got a small toddler who is demanding something and the person I'm talking to just keeps on talking oblivious to the fact that I need to have a moment checking what the toddler wants. All it needs is a bit of courtesy on either side.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Good points jackie and brambles

[murmuration]

Yeah, my DH is a SAHD, and still I'm default parent if I'm there.

[AbbeyBartlet]

I have broken contact with various friends when they have had children - I wont ever have DC (by choice) but I understand that their priorities change. It's easier to walk away, because you avoid the situations that you describe. I am crap at feigning interest in the baby/toddler so rather than offending them or them ignoring me etc it's just less hassle to walk away from the friendship.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

As an adult, you alone are responsible for your reactions, Jessie - you can choose to be offended, or you can choose not to.

That said, I do think it is important to teach children good manners, and that does include not interrupting conversations, being patient etc - but toddlers are unlikely to have mastered this this skill!

And the reason so many people have suggested that you have child-free meet-ups with your friends is because it is you that is being offended by them being distracted by their children.