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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that you don't need to go to every nativity performance?

52 replies

spookyskeleton · 16/12/2014 21:28

The infants nativity play is on 3 times this week (once in the afternoon and 2 evenings).

It seems that a lot of the parents are going to all 3 performances Hmm AIBU to think that this is unnecessary and defeats the purpose of spreading out the attendees over the 3 performances.

Am I missing some unspoken parenting rule that says you need to go to every single performance that your child ever does??

OP posts:
skylark2 · 16/12/2014 21:30

I'm surprised that's an option. Everywhere I've been that there have been multiple performances, it's been because there are too many parents/family members to fit in one, and you've been given tickets for one of them.

It would not have occurred to me to go to more than one, even if it was possible.

WyrdByrd · 16/12/2014 21:31

I'd imagine at that age there a quite a few children who'd be unsettled/upset if they didn't see their parents in the audience each time.

I can see where you're coming from though, and actually I think 3 performances including 2 evenings is way too much anyway tbh.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/12/2014 21:33

At ours you're only allowed to go to one performance. Nursery or main school. Makes sense all round I would say. Never occurred to me to go to more than one even though I'm a sahm.

Original poster
spookyskeleton · 16/12/2014 21:36

wyrdbyrd I appreciate what you are saying about some children but surely it is a good lesson in life that you're parents aren't going to be there all the time and what about those children who feel like that but their parents can't come to every performance... I am sure they cope.

OP posts:
basgetti · 16/12/2014 21:37

I went to both performances last week. DP was originally going to go to the second one as I'd been to the first with my parents, but he had to work. DS was anxious as he had a speaking part and it was important to him that someone was there to watch him. As long as tickets are allocated fairly I don't see the issue.

Tzibeleh · 16/12/2014 21:38

When dc were very small, and sometimes quite nervous, dh and I would sometimes split up and go to one performance each, but not after about Y1.

There's no way I (or we) would repeatedly go to performances. That would be deeply unfair to the parents who might therefore be unable to get in to see their dc at all.

pregnantpause · 16/12/2014 21:38

We haven't got anyone else to go the second daySad I'm in an area where 80% of school drop offs and pick ups are done by GPS- the gps go to the one the parents the other. My dc have already picked up on thid and asked why my parents don't go to sports day/Easter parade. I'd rather go twice than have dc have no one to smile and wave at. Because let's be honest- no one is there to watch the children, each parent, gp just watches their own child and that's it.

batgirl1984 · 16/12/2014 21:41

I remember as a child feeling really strange if my parents came onto school premises - like they were crossing into my world. I wasn't keen. My kids aren't at school yet but until MN I had always thought of attendance at these events as an extra of parenting - am starting to think I might be wrong. Like the idea of evening performances so we don't have to miss work - but do all the kids actually turn up?

bonhomme · 16/12/2014 21:44

Each to their own - does it really matter?

CrohnicallyAnxious · 16/12/2014 21:48

The school I work at, we have 2 performances, each child is reserved 2 tickets per performance (if they want them), then extras and returned tickets are available to buy on a first come, first served basis.

We have found that children very rarely come back for the evening performance unless someone is there watching them. I think part of it is the time taken out of the evening- for some people by the time they got home from the drop off it would be time to get ready to fetch the child.

Yet if we didn't have an evening performance as it clearly inconveniences some people, we would be criticised for not thinking of working parents.

By having 2 performances, it means that people who can't get time off for the daytime performance can attend the evening. It also means that other members of the family can go. It's not unusual for grandparents to come to the afternoon, and parents to attend in the evening. It's not necessarily the case that the school do 2 (or 3) performances to ensure that there are enough tickets available for every parent, but more about giving options.

slightlyglitterstained · 16/12/2014 21:48

I thought this thread was going to be about not going every year Confused

Like batgirl, DS isn't in school yet. DP and I discussed whether to go to his nativity at nursery this week, and agreed neither of us were that keen and at 2 he's unlikely to miss us. As it happens he got chickenpox anyway.

knackered69 · 16/12/2014 21:51

We had one performance for grandparents and one for parents. Mine are 17 and 11 now, and I've never missed a school play. But bugger me - 3 performances - work would not have been impressed! I did miss sports day once or twice cos they give you a date but it might change depending on the weather - I got my mate to cheer them on and they were fine!

NotYouNaanBread · 16/12/2014 21:53

None of us went to the 2nd performance this evening - not even the child in question. She had an ear infection & was off school yesterday and DH & I both have streaming colds. We told her a long story about how she was SO VERY GOOD at the afternoon play, that she didn't have to come back for the evening one.

#terribleparents

formerbabe · 16/12/2014 21:53

I only had the option to attend one performance but if I could I'd go to them all...my DC love seeing me in the audience and waving at me!

Minisoksmakehardwork · 16/12/2014 21:55

As long as tickets are allocated fairly, I don't see a problem. It's the free for all which comes with first come, first served which would annoy me.

Thankfully our school operates a free ticket system. You are allowed to take dc to the am performance and as its not so well attended, they just want to know numbers of attending. Evenings are child free and this year we were allowed 3 tickets per family (last year was 4 but more pupils this year). You have to specify which day you want them for. It's then up to us how we use them. Most parents split so one goes one night and the other the following when there are other dc at home. Others (us) ask grandparents if they wish so go on the performance we can't make. Some just have a ticket for each performance for themselves so they can support their dc.

Each to their own.

sanfairyanne · 16/12/2014 22:33

i've always made sure the kids had someone in the audience watching them. i think almost everyone i know does that tbh.

sanfairyanne · 16/12/2014 22:37

ah but i see thats not quite what you mean?
some sahm do both but mostly its dad, then mum, then gparents iyswim?

Bulbasaur · 16/12/2014 22:45

Those kids have quite a bit of stamina to be doing the same performance 3 times in one week. When I was a child we did the school play once. That was it. But we also booked a large auditorium for it as well.

Karoleann · 16/12/2014 22:47

No that's really excessive - surely its on 3 days so that working parents can go to the one they can get off from work.
We have 3 - one is grandparents, the other reception and one year 1 class and the other year 2 and the other year 1 class - but its flexible.

DuckandCat · 16/12/2014 23:05

I would go to all performances that I could manage (or ask other relatives on days I couldn't).

I teach Infants and know how sad the children get when there's no one there to watch them.

'Your parents can't come to everything' is something they have to learn, but not something I'd want mine to learn at 4/5yo if avoidable.

Each to their own I guess.

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2014 23:10

I always went to both when mine were little, but I only worked very part time so I was able to. Sometimes I'd go to one on my own or with my mum and then the other with their dad. They didn't do evening performances until they were older, so when they were little it would have seemed odd to be at home while my child was performing at school just up the road.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 16/12/2014 23:10

When my daughter was at primary school you were only allowed 2 tickets in total for the 3 performances but they were very restricted on space. Didn't stop people kicking off at the school receptionists that they needed to have 4 tickets for one performance and 5 for the evening and could they have another 2 for the second evening... this was a school Nativity play and not Les Miserables!

As someone else said, you only really go to watch your child.

MargotLovedTom · 16/12/2014 23:34

slightyglitterstained I am not a sentimental softy, but I find it really bizarre that neither you nor your husband were "that keen" on going to see your little boy in his first nativity.

Casperthefriendlyspook · 16/12/2014 23:46

I am the child of parents who were a teacher (so not able to come to daytime things) and an Army officer who was often away - so often we had no-one there watching. We would sometimes be sad about it, but it's one of those things. Not horribly damaged by it.
We may well have similar with our DCs. DP is a teacher, and I travel a lot with work. At least GPs are local this time round!

WhereIsMySantaHat · 16/12/2014 23:55

My chids school has a free for all policy. Cue mum, dad, toddler brother, grandma and grandad turning up for some children.

They even put a special grandparents performance for the older kids' (y2) play plus an afternoon and evening performance. Every child turned up for the evening one according to my DS.

As it happens, due to toddler care, my two had a person at every performance as DH and I tag teamed.

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