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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the teacher about this Christmas card?

155 replies

ChristmasInsanity · 16/12/2014 17:30

My 6yo DS came home from school and was opening Christmas cards. He got one from a girl in his class which read 'to insanity's son, I don't like you. From child'

I dont know the parents or child so I was going to take it to the teacher tomorrow?

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 16/12/2014 21:52

I would play it down and try to laugh it off if my son got a card like that because it's not something I would want him to remember in years to come.

flippinada · 16/12/2014 22:24

Elphaba Grin

Kids are funny, aren't they.

I'm sure OP will act as she sees fit. It was probably silliness, petulance or pure naughtiness -none of which is unusual for a six year old - but things of this nature should be nipped in the bud. No need to make it into a big deal or label the wee girl a a bully, just take age appropriate action (eg a class chat about not putting unkind messages in cards because it might make the boy or girl who gets the message feel sad).

There was a similar thing happened in my DS' class, the teacher was made aware, appropriate action was taken and the situation was resolved, no drama involved.

littletreesmum · 16/12/2014 22:25

This reply has been deleted

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Tron123 · 16/12/2014 22:28

I'm not sure whether think it is a matter fir the teacher, however I definitely do not think it is a matter to contact the parent, the card could have been written anywhere and parent yo parent conflict easily escalates

Bulbasaur · 16/12/2014 22:35

You can see the true nature of a person by what they laugh at.

You can also see the true nature of a person by what they read way too deeply into. If you are ever seriously offended and wounded on behalf of your child by what a 6 year said, you probably have emotional difficulties which can only be solved with professional help.

Her "I don't like you" will never mean anything deeper than "You annoyed me today". Just like "I hate you" means "I don't like being told no".

It doesn't require anything more than "We write nice things in Christmas cards" and carry on with your day. I'm sure both 6 year olds involved have completely forgotten this and moved on.

Noellefielding · 16/12/2014 22:40

Yeah just mention to the teacher in a low key way, ask advice and mention impact on child. The teacher should know how to handle it.

youarekiddingme · 16/12/2014 22:49

I don't agree at all with leaving it.

Recently a situation where "nice children" have been saying and doing these sorts of things to my DS (who has SN) for years. It's been underplayed (it's banter/Micky taking etc) continuously because - as I said - these are nice children Hmm apparently

Didn't end well when one of then threatened to assault my DS the other week and told him I was going to rape him Shock Sad

There's so many children that 'get away' with things because they are socially adapted on the surface - they need to know people are onto them with the behind the scenes stuff as well.

Ok, extreme example, but if this girl thinks she's allowed, got away with, too important to be told off for this behaviour and no barriers are put in place there's nothing to say she won't escalate it.

It it is silly 6yo behaviour she'll be sorry and think twice before doing it again - surely that's a perfectly good outcome?

flippinada · 16/12/2014 22:49

Well, a few folk on here who say they are teachers seem to think it's a good course of action, and they're the professionals so I would trust their judgement on that.

There are some seriously bizarre over-reactions and spiteful comments on this thread. I know it's AIBU but even so, very odd.

Coumarin · 16/12/2014 22:57

Oh for goodness sake. She's 6!

Roll eyes, say 'well that's not very nice is it?', throw it away and move on.

flippinada · 16/12/2014 23:01

Jeeze youarekiddingme that's awful, your poor DS.

Tinks42 · 16/12/2014 23:27

*Oh for goodness sake. She's 6!

Roll eyes, say 'well that's not very nice is it?', throw it away and move on.*

This is the normal thing to do.

VerityWaves · 16/12/2014 23:42

I wouldn't read too much into it. The kids are cranky as hell this week. Keep an eye on things but I'm positive it's just a storm in a teacup.

BOFster · 16/12/2014 23:53

You can do both though, surely? Reassure the son and help him downplay it, while alerting the teacher to the inappropriate and unkind message? I don't imagine the girl will be hauled over the coals, but a reminder of what a Christmas card is actually for wouldn't go amiss.

CheeseBuster · 17/12/2014 00:03

I have the opposite opinion from everyone else.

I wrote a card like this- when forced to write to every classmate- it was to the school bully. The nasty girl who kept trying to put paint on me.

Original poster
ChristmasInsanity · 17/12/2014 10:46

He was asking DP to read them out to him, he didn't read that bit out, so DS doesn't know! I will speak to the teacher, it may have been written at home but I really don't know the parents and it was still given at school.

It's totally ok that this girl doesn't like my DS, there's just no need to ever send it in a Christmas card!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasInsanity · 17/12/2014 10:53

You've made far too many assumptions about how I've reacted to this, which says a lot about you.

OP posts:
Fallingovercliffs · 17/12/2014 11:01

Well, not a very nice thing to put in a card, but maybe find out casually from your son whether there's been a row or something with this child before getting the school involved. Kids at that age can hate each other one week and be best friends the next. I wouldn't worry about it unless she makes a habit of taunting your son.

FancyAnOlive · 17/12/2014 11:08

dd2 wrote that in a card to a boy in her class - I intercepted it and told her she mustn't do that - but the reason she doesn't like him is that he has hit her. So not necessarily being a 'nasty little madam' as someone suggested. It's unkind but it's not bullying unless it's part of a sustained pattern of behaviour.

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 11:15

It would depend on how upset my DCs had been by it. If it was just some silly one-off comment then I would probably suggest to him that he rips the card up and puts it in the bin, blowing a big fat raspberry at it.

If it was part of an ongoing vindictiveness then I would be onto the school straight away and would raise it with the teacher.

Tinks42 · 18/12/2014 21:38

You have made a big "adult" deal about this, which also says a lot about you.

redskybynight · 18/12/2014 21:47

Am I the only one who has DC who regularly write "I don't like you" notes normally to someone who was their friend yesterday and probably will be again tomorrow.

for me the key thing is if OP's DC is bothered - if not, then move along.

SirChenjin · 19/12/2014 09:12

I'd be having serious words with my DCs if they wrote/had written "I don't like you" notes - they certainly wouldn't be allowed to send them

BeHoHoHove · 19/12/2014 09:22

I don't think there's any harm in speaking to the teacher. The girl needs to have it made clear that it is an unpleasant thing to do.

Madmum24 · 19/12/2014 10:04

Is it possible that the child is on the autistic spectrum? One of mine is and this would be something that they might write, and if I hadn't checked it prior it would have been sent.

She is 6 though, honest and brutal! I wouldn't be overly concerned or call it bullying, but I would have a word with the teacher light heartedly.

Original poster
ChristmasInsanity · 20/12/2014 15:23

I asked my DS about the girl in question. Apparently she says he smells, he probably does. I mentioned it to the teacher who seemed concerned, I said I don't think its a big deal but wanted to mention it incase it was something more ongoing etc

OP posts: