To be blimmin confused about parenting advice!!?! (Baby only 7 weeks old!)

[Absofrigginlootly]

posting here for traffic...not really an AIBU (sorry) but I am seeking opinions from experienced parents.....

DD is 7weeks. From what it seems in her short little life she is quite a 'high needs' baby (not to label her prematurely!).... Feeds a lot, doesn't like to be put down, needs help to get to sleep (rocking, shushing, very little background noise or visual stimulus), let's her feelings known with LOUD cries, reacts very strongly to pain/illness (she's had a cold and an upset tummy)....

Getting quite sick of being told contracdictory things by the HV (I.e. Babies given lots of cuddles/attention now will be more settled later on) and my GP (you need to put baby down to learn to self settle, you're making a rod for your own back etc)
DM and MIL also offering changing opinions depending on what mood they're in "oh I always fed 4hourly and baby just slotted in with what we were doing, baby didn't cry" and then later... "Oh we used a dummy to soothe when baby cried"....FFS!! (think there's quite a bit of rose-tinting/amnesia going on there!)

Anyway, I keep being told not to be too quiet when trying to get DD to nap etc otherwise she'll never go down with noise. That I should just put he down awake and let her self soothe.....all good in theory but I know that if DD gets overstimulated by noise she won't sleep...then turns into a grumpy, screaming, overtired mess. She would also NEVER just "go to sleep" if put down, she seems to need help to do this. To me it seems as unrealistic thing to ask of her as asking the cat to fetch my slippers!

Before pregnancy I always thought I'd be a routine sort of mummy...but DD seems to need a more 'attachment parenting' style of mum.... But I'm also worried that iam making a rod for my own back and will never leave the house if I have to follow DDs every need (on days where I've had to go out when she need a nap, like to the GPs, she won't sleep in her pram, then becomes an overtired mess).

I have mixed success using a sling so often find myself stuck on the sofa for several hours during the day.... Not ideal. But preferable to hours of screaming.
And don't even mention the word 'routine'...so far I seem to be completely led by DD and not even sure how to try and impose some sort of routine on her.

So I ask you.... WWYD in this situ? What did you do if you had a 'high needs' baby? (I'm also suspecting that she might have silent reflux due to her general level of unsettledness....?!)
How did you impose any kind of routine? If at all? Will she just 'grow out of it' and become easier???
(Some days I get quite down by all her crying/hard to settleness)

Thanks

You have my sympathies, babies are hard work. Loads of great advice here, but remember, no one ever looks at an older child and says, they are like the way they are because they were cuddled too much / had a great routine/ didn't want to sleep in a cot for 10 months / did baby led weaning/ only ate hated baby food etc

Babies and children are like the way they are because they at unique individuals. I think that the babies and children that are happy are the ones who have parents who understand this and know that one size parenting doesn't fit all.

Also so many aspects of parenting are cultural, go with your instincts and what works for you. This will of course be different from what your mum/ health visitor/ next door neighbour did, because you and your baby are different and have a different life to them.

I had 3 kids in 3 years, and the way I dealt with each if them as babies was different because they are all different and my life was different.

I have also learnt to not worry so much, as things change so fast. I remember stressing about my first throwing food off the high chair, and spent far to long wondering if I should ignore it, or say no etc. I wasted far too much brain space on stupid stuff, now when no 3 does it I don't give it another thought. And I know stressing about my 3 year old sometimes getting off her chair when we have dinner is not worth loads of brain space, because in a few years time it will be irrelevant and there will be other things to worry about.

Sounds like you are doing fab. My main advice is stress less & enjoy as much as you can.

Ultimately, if you go and look at the research, as long as you aren't being totally neglectful which you won't be if you are posting here, there aren't really any definitive answers on the attachment parenting vs routine stuff which is why there is so much conflicting advice.

I've had two 'high-needs' babies who have both spent plenty of times in slings and slept in bed with me. With the first I felt a bit like you. With the second I think I managed better and he is definitely so much more cheerful and laid back as a toddler and goes to sleep so easily at bedtimes and naps, fingers crossed. I was also a lot saner throughout the whole experience.

Things I did differently second time round:

• I didn't clock watch at all
• I fed him when he cried but didn't make any effort to get him to sleep
• If he fell asleep feeding, I usually put him down even though this meant he sometimes woke up and needed feeding him again - I basically kept feeding him until he was putdownable. He learned surprisingly quickly to cope with the household noise - no options there with an older brother!
• I was often a bit slower in general going to him when he cried (due to having my first to look after too)
• I slept with him each night but would try him in the cot in our room once per night too. At night I made sure he stayed in our room in the dark all night - he got hugs and milk but no rocking etc.
• If I needed to do something like e.g. cook (again I couldn't ignore my first), I put him down even if that meant he cried, though would try and organise things so that this wouldn't be for more than a few minutes at any one time.
• If I went out, he usually went in the sling until he was happy in the buggy. I didn't use the sling at home second time round though.
• I didn't ask or look for advice, other than breastfeeding advice, or desperately search for some magic bullet there.