to think good eaters / sleepers / tempremant is just down to good luck?

[Beatrixemerald]

My baby is not a great sleeper by any means but turns out she is a brilliant eater, loves all food, and breastfed immediately really well, she is also really happy. I totally think all of.this is luck, I have worried where I have gone wrong with bad sleeping but since she is starting to be weaned and doing so well (through nothing I have done) I have decided all of it is just down to luck, AIBU?

I went my whole childhood doing it and I am still here. My sibling is 28 and still here and won't eat fruit, veg, pasta, rice, roast dinner, potatoes, beef, lamb, chicken with any sauce, salad or anything like that. Once you get to a certain point it is very hard to change so it is best to do it as a child. Have you seen Freaky Eaters? They are similar but they can change in the end if they really want to. You would be surprised on what you can survive on.

So if you were starved as a child to produce excellent eating habits, was your sibling bought up in a different household?

I find it best not to judge other people's parenting, as you never know what's round the corner. Your children have decided not to fight you over food, they could go for school refusal, arson, shoplifting or boyfriends for thier little rebellion. Or you could have perfect children forever.

I got in to various foods as a teen as I went to a place for work where you had to eat what was there. The last time I ate fruit was probably the summer time. I will eat veg now dh is off and cooks it but didn't really eat it until my mid 20s. Once you are older it is hard to get in to stuff because of the textures.

My thing as a child was crispy pancakes and waffles. I would go how ever long it would take until I got stuff I wanted. It was always the kids food I wanted.

I don't understand then aliciaj, your parents made you go without, as you advocate but both you and your sister were/are still terrible eaters?

No my mum wouldn't let us go without. She just give us what we wanted after a day or 2.

There are lots of reasons why a child might refuse food. Just because you did it for attention /to control your parents doesn't mean that others do it for that reason. My Ds doesn't because he doesn't think in that way.

What do you feed them when they don't eat for a while?

You don't consciously think that 'I am going to control my parents'. You just say no I don't like it or push it round the plate. Then they try again then you might eat a teeny bit or you might not. Then you say your hungry. Then they say have whatever it was and you say no its ok. Then after a while they say do you want (a known food you eat) you say yes and there you go. Repeat, repeat, repeat. After a while you can't stop it. I only got better at eating things when it was one thing or nothing for prolonged periods. It is hard to do if you are from a slim family as it makes parents worry I suppose.

I understand what you are saying but my son doesn't have the social understanding to do that.

I think it's down to luck. Obviously it helps to get into a routine and to offer them healthy food.

But so many people will attest that they've treated two or three dc the same way and they turned out all different.

I agree with Storytown. You never know what's round the corner. It's best not to be too smug if your own aren't having any problems right now.

I am not saying all children but I see children being treated in the same way as I was around me nowadays. If you have a child that will only eat chicken nuggets and the like. It is often because they know you will serve it.

My mum won't see this though even now and just says you could of starved etc. I don't say it but I definitely disagree with her.

But he is a fussy arse about food and will starve himself/eat enough to stave off the worst/give himself stomach pains, and I've never done anything "wrong" I don't think with feeding, despite doing a lot "wrong" with sleeping (co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, going to him when he cried, not having set nap/bedtimes or a special routine for sleep) and that was fine.

It's a comination of luck and how you react to them as a person. I am amazed to see so many people convinced their incredible skill as a parent has worked though

Yes, but the thing is if you have a stubborn child then they can have one taste of a nugget and then hold out for that. It's all very well saying don't let them know chicken nuggets exist but they can be a perfectly fine part of a balanced diet. It's just that balanced diet goes out of the window very quickly for some children when they discover something they like. And it might not even be unhealthy food - I remember going through a stage with DS where I didn't serve him any veg with meals because he would eat the veg and nothing else, he was living on fruit and veg between meals and I was desperate to get some protein into him! Even now I struggle to get him to eat any carbs which means it's hard to fill him up.

Yes, Elpheba - - but I put him to 'bed' at 7pm on the first night home, and left him to self settle & I left the room - I didn't stand there watching him fall asleep or cuddle him to sleep . I know lots of parents just wouldn't do that and just as well I didn't use Mumsnet so avidly in those days - to us it was 'the norm' for babies to go to bed (in a bedroom) rather than just fall asleep as and when.

Showing my age now .

I think you can train a baby to be the ideal sleeper but the methods were at odds with my instincts.
Food is largely luck but I think keeping the puree stage very short does help a bit.

Children starving themselves can be put down to a few things. Firstly parents getting children into bad eating habits (then struggling to get them out of the bad habits) and secondly sensory or mental health issues. In these cases it's probably good to access professional support but I don't know how much is available.

When I talk about a child starving themselves, I don't mean odd days of low appetite

Tarka I could have written your post!

Sleeping: DD has been a pretty bad sleeper. I did routine, bedtime and naptimes always the same, I did CC, I did not feed to sleep or at night after a certain age. I did all the things advocated by those who believe they created their good sleeper. These things helped, yes, but they certainly did not make her a good sleeper. She needs two hours less sleep than the average child and (perhaps as a consequence) is a very light sleeper.

Elphaba so sorry to hear you are still suffering, I remember being baffled by your DS's sleeping on a long ago thread as self settling helped us a lot (though as I say, not entirely).

Fussy eating: my sister and I were brought up identically wrt food. She is uber fussy, I eat almost everything. She would literally get to the point of fainting before she would eat something she didn't like. Happily DD is a great eater. I don't kid myself that it's down to anything I've done.

Being a good eater or sleeper is almost entirely down to luck, but there are things you can do to help but if you've got a really stubborn child there isn't a lot you can do.

My sister has three children, two of then are amazing eaters and one is terrible. Super fussy. Barely eats anything. Goes without rather than eat. All of those children have been bought up in the same family eating the same food and in the same atmosphere.

Yes it is mainly luck, nature trumps nuture for temperament. But some experience too.

I am like most it a mix ...You can help with routine, wide variety of food. My DS never had anything but natural sugars before one..Do I think it helped yes...Do I also think I am lucky with his eating yes...He went through phases of refusing all food but jar food, Refusing to be fed. but he is very good at trying anything now and a wide range of food.

Sleep he never slept through till he was 4 and yes I would do things differently but now 7 still not a great sleeper so don't think he was ever going to be

I think a lot of it is luck, and nobody has all of the answers - otherwise, book shops wouldn't have row upon row of advice on bringing up babies!

Pure luck, IMO. I have two DS, took a similar approach to both, DS1 was a rotten sleeper til about 18 months, DS2 always (teething aside) loved his sleep. DS1 is still much less laid back than his brother.

I think you can screw things up by doing not particularly sensible things - DH has got friends who have never set a bedtime for their children, not ever. They let them go to bed and then to sleep when they want to. And then are surprised that no one else thinks that having a 2 and 4 year old merrily running around and not in PJs at 10.30 at night is normal.

I also think you do things to help ameliorate 'problems' like a poor or disrupted sleeper, a reluctant eater, etc.

But at the end of the day, I think they are the way the are and it has precious little to do with you. DD (4) has always been a good sleeper - nothing to do with me at all. She just likes her sleep and likes having a lie in.

When I was doing Nursery Nurse training many many moons ago in New Zealand we were taught that it is 100% nature and 100% nurture. I always thought this to be a good mantra.