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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left 3yr old DD in bed whilst picking up older kids from school play

86 replies

Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:35

So I had very important work event last night, left DH in charge of kids. Found out that he left our 3yo DD in bed asleep to pick up older ones from school play. Feel sick thinking about it, am I over reacting, it was a spur of the moment thing, really not sure how to play this one, would be grateful of honest opinions and advice.

OP posts:
Mouldypineapple · 12/12/2014 23:35

Totally wrong. How long was he out for?

SpringBreaker · 12/12/2014 23:36

Not ideal, but how far away was it and how long was he gone?

sooperdooper · 12/12/2014 23:36

Wrong, he shouldn't have left a three year old alone :(

LaurieFairyCake · 12/12/2014 23:37

How far away?

I don't think it's ok, 3 is too young to leave home alone - he should have put her in the car.

I'd ask him not to do it again and I'd point out the nspcc website which says toddlers should never be left alone

TheXxed · 12/12/2014 23:38

He left a 3 , year old alone in a house!!!!!!!!!!! SadSadSad

meandjulio · 12/12/2014 23:38

Oh God. How long was she alone?

I would try to be calm, but I would need to talk to him about it.

I would be honest and say that I am finding it hard to deal with it, and would like to hear him explain how he thought through the decision to leave her, and how he feels about it now. I would then listen to what he had to say.

If he said that he feels horrible about it and wouldn't make the same decision again, I would be OK with that tbh - we all make bad decisions on the spur of the moment.

If he is very dismissive, I would be a lot more concerned. I would ask him whether he really feels able to take the responsibility for children solo.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 12/12/2014 23:38

FFS Totally unacceptable.

In my experience the furthest that you go when a DC is asleep is the front/back gate - DH needs a serious reality check.

Original poster
Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:39

He would have been gone for about 15 minutes, he said he didn't want to wake her and he would have had to make 2 trips as he was giving other people a lift as well, just don't know what he was thinking

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 12/12/2014 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WD41 · 12/12/2014 23:41

I honestly think that if my DH did this, our marriage wouldn't last. It's stupid beyond belief.

LonelyThisChristmas28 · 12/12/2014 23:42

I personally think what he did was okay but i do not think you are being unreasonable

meandjulio · 12/12/2014 23:43

I am someone who thinks that small children are likely to get up looking for their parents and can wander quite a long way doing that.

I must say that I also do recognise the 'oh God I really don't want to get the little one up, I'll only be 15 minutes' impulse, so I do have sympathy. Limited sympathy, as I've never actually done this.

puntasticusername · 12/12/2014 23:44

Eek. Can see where he's coming from but no, that's not on. You just don't leave a child of that age alone, even if safely asleep. He ought at least to have asked a friend or neighbour to come and sit in the house while he was gone, just in case she woke or there was some random emergency eg a fire that meant she needed to be got out of the house immediately.

Legodino · 12/12/2014 23:44

Unacceptable and irresponsible to leave a 3 year old alone for 15 mins

WD41 · 12/12/2014 23:45

What would have happened if he'd been involved in an accident, or if his car had broken down? How could anybody do this?

Original poster
Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:45

I'm really upset and feeling totally let down by him, he feels really bad about it himself and said he was stupid, am trying not to dwell on it but every time I think of her on her own my stomach turns

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 12/12/2014 23:48

I don't think you are overreacting, personally.

It is tricky though; I knew a single mum (no criticism, just meaning she had no help) that left her baby sleeping to go 2mins down the road on an emergency errand (pick up replacement part for buggy). Actually bad analogy - if the buggy wasn't broken she'd have taken her sleeping baby wherever she was going. Your DH should have transferred her to the car as she would have settled soon enough.

It's so unlikely anything would happen... but then if it did you'd be distraught.

Carlat86 · 12/12/2014 23:50

Geez there is some harsh comments about your DH there. Marriage wouldn't last??

No harm came to her, which is good and she was none the wiser so no hysterical child with abandonment issues to deal with. However, it's really not ok to leave a 3yo alone at home. I think that's the kind of message you need to relay loud and clear and that it should never happen again.

puntasticusername · 12/12/2014 23:51

Totally understand how you must feel Thanks but given how he has said he feels - honestly, I'd try not to dwell on it. Mistake made, lesson learned, sounds as if it's unlikely to happen again

TheLeftovermonster · 12/12/2014 23:52

He shouldn't have done it - but you are over-reacting a bit. Just make sure he knows not to do it again and move on. She was fine, that's all that matters.

odyssey2001 · 12/12/2014 23:54

If he feels bad about it and has learned his lesson, then I think you should both move on. There are many things much worse in this world that a parent can do.

I am the sort of person who would not let it drop and would keep bringing it up, but I know this is not a productive approach.

YonicSleighdriver · 12/12/2014 23:55

I wouldn't do it but he agrees with you now, so try and put it past you.

Original poster
Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:58

Thanks guys just needed to get a perspective on the situation, your comments have really helped, he may have been stupid but he's not a bad person or Dad

OP posts:
Tobyjugg · 13/12/2014 00:00

I can see where he's coming from but it was not a clever idea. The important things (which seem to be overlooked a bit, I think) are (1) nothing happened - thank God - and (2) he learns the lesson and never does it again.

Raising children has enough real problems without beating yourself up over what might have been.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 13/12/2014 00:00

He should have carried her to the car seat. If she wakes up, tough.

The bottom line is can you trust him that this was a one off? I would try to put it behind you but not if it ever happened again.