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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH left 3yr old DD in bed whilst picking up older kids from school play

86 replies

Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:35

So I had very important work event last night, left DH in charge of kids. Found out that he left our 3yo DD in bed asleep to pick up older ones from school play. Feel sick thinking about it, am I over reacting, it was a spur of the moment thing, really not sure how to play this one, would be grateful of honest opinions and advice.

OP posts:

ProudAS · 14/12/2014 07:24

I doubt that the child coyoacan mentioned was obese because he was walked to school by his mum. More like he got teased for being fat and wanted her to protect him.

Altinkum · 14/12/2014 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paperlace · 14/12/2014 08:10

My dh once left dc aged 4, 5, 7 asleep to get wine. Yes WINE. Was gone about 5 minutes. I was too stunned to even really lay into him - I just said don't ever, ever do that again. He never did. He's a good guy really. We all do stupid, irresponsible things on rare occassions.

vdbfamily · 14/12/2014 08:52

I am astonished at some of the over reactions on here. I think in these situations you do have to do a risk assessment in your head each time and I think I might have taken her with me because of the amount of unknowns in terms of delays but these people who wake a sleepy baby to go and pay for petrol etc amaze me. I live about a minutes walk from our local pre-school and I had 3 pre-schoolers at one stage. If one of them was asleep in their cot when I needed to collect the other/s I used to leave them asleep. When they became old enough to climb out of cot I no longer did. The only risk was that the house might catch fire.If I was not in the process of cooking and do not smoke and our electrics were modern, there is only a miniscule chance of this and in the unlikely event of a problem starting to smoulder the minute I left the house, what are the chances it would be raging out of control 5 minutes later. It is like not letting your kids walk to school independently in case they are abducted by a weirdo. The chances are so remote that it is far better to teach our kids to be safe and independent than wrap them up in cotton wool. Neglect of a child is this kind of situation is when kids are left for hours alone on a regular basis because there parent is more interested in their own social life. I really think S.S have more to worry about than genuinely caring parents trying to do the best they can. Give the guy a break.

fuctifino · 14/12/2014 09:00

I can't believe you didn't discuss it before you went out.
What exactly did you think he was going to do?

claraschu · 14/12/2014 09:07

If she always sleeps through, and was extremely unlikely to wake while he was out, I can really sympathise with him. Of course it's not a great thing to do, but not actually very risky.

If you are going to worry about very unlikely dangers (house fire, kidnap, etc) I would say that there are many more potential dangers while out in a car.

Coyoacan · 14/12/2014 15:05

coyoacan the child was obese because his mother walked him to school? Really

He WAS the only overweight child at my school but we felt sorry for him, I don't remember anyone teasing him.

Coyoacan · 14/12/2014 15:05

If you are going to worry about very unlikely dangers (house fire, kidnap, etc) I would say that there are many more potential dangers while out in a car

I agree

Fiftyplusmum · 14/12/2014 15:17

He knows he made a mistake, he has fathered the other two OK presumably, we surely all know the feeling / temptation, he made the wrong choice.

I am now very worried that there are places where 4 year olds walk to school on their own??????? 4 year olds. ie one year older than this 3 yr old we are talking about.

I have never understood why society thinks it's OK for children to walk to school on their own.

vdbfamily · 14/12/2014 15:48

when I was a kid I remember getting halfway home from school and finding my 4 year old brother who had decided to meet me , pushing his bike and with our German Shepherd dog meekly following him. My mum had not noticed he was missing! Fiftyplusmum, when do you think kids are old enough to walk to school? Does it not depend on the child, the distance, how many roads would need crossing? Our school is happy as long as the child is in Key Stage 2 which is from the age of 7. I know we are going off topic but we had the mad situation where aged 5,7 and 9, my kids all cycled to school. We had to follow behind, check their bikes had arrived and then return home. School still insisted we continued that for 2 years until our youngest was in year 3.Having broken my leg this summer I have been very thankful that my kids are all independent to/from school aged 8,9 and 11.

OriginalGreenGiant · 14/12/2014 15:58

I'd be horrified. I'd be a lot less concerned if it was a 3 month old than a 2/3/4/5/6 year old tbh. At least you know a baby will be in the same place when you get back and although they may be distressed if they woke crying would not be scared.

My dc are 4 and 6 and if they woke in the night to an empty house they would be terrified.

I would be having serious words and if he didn't instantly realise why what he did was so wrong would probably have to reevaluate whether I thought he was fully capable of taking care of the dc alone.

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