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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH left 3yr old DD in bed whilst picking up older kids from school play

86 replies

Anonmum40 · 12/12/2014 23:35

So I had very important work event last night, left DH in charge of kids. Found out that he left our 3yo DD in bed asleep to pick up older ones from school play. Feel sick thinking about it, am I over reacting, it was a spur of the moment thing, really not sure how to play this one, would be grateful of honest opinions and advice.

OP posts:

BaffledSomeMore · 13/12/2014 00:01

He's a fucking idiot.
However dwelling on what could have BUT didn't happen isn't helping you.
As long as you're happy he's not going to do it again then move on.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2014 00:05

It was not goid situation, he admits he was wrong. Try and put it past you now!

Pensionerpeep · 13/12/2014 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletforya · 13/12/2014 00:13

I wouldn't be able to get over that. If she had woken and realised she was alone she would have been terrified.

Haushinka · 13/12/2014 00:18

I find it shocking.

And to give other people lifts? Sorry but if you were silly enough to do it, you'd think shit I better hurry back, not make 2 trips!

CheeseBuster · 13/12/2014 00:21

I dunno, what do you worry about happening? Plenty of four year olds walk themselves to school and your child was safe in her home.

Haushinka · 13/12/2014 00:21

Sorry read it wrong about the trips! Still, ditch the lifts they can get a taxi

Fanfeckintastic · 13/12/2014 00:28

God unbelievably unacceptable BUT just make sure it was a off, go through all the scenarios that could have gone wrong and make sure he fully understands it's never to happen again. Not worth ending your marriage over like some people are suggesting!

BrockAuLit · 13/12/2014 00:33

Be grateful nothing went wrong and try to move on. It'll undoubtedly take a long time, but there's no point making a bad thing worse by dwelling on it, no harm was done this time. Of course you'll be on hyper alert for a good long time, but it helps that he sees the stupidity of what he did.

Gosh, the thought of what could have gone wrong makes my blood run cold, but deep breath and be very grateful nothing dead.

DixieNormas · 13/12/2014 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 13/12/2014 00:42

That is not on. Three is too young to be left alone. If she had woken up she could have panicked when finding nobody there.

It sounds as though he has taken this on board already though. Next time you have to leave him in charge though just emphasise how this must not happen again and that you need to be sure he realises that.

Oh, and round here I never see any 4 year olds walking themselves to school!! Our primary school always wanted the infants to be taken and fetched, especially the reception class. Older children needed written permission to be allowed to go home by themselves.

DancingDinosaur · 13/12/2014 00:43

There are quite a few 4 to 5 year olds who walk themselves to school where I live. I guess it depends where you live. Not that I think its ok, because its not.

Coyoacan · 13/12/2014 00:44

I was a single mother living alone. I really did have to leave my dd alone asleep for ten to twenty minutes to go the shop on occasions. So your husband has my sympathies. It's not ideal, but...

elephantspoo · 13/12/2014 00:45

Woaw! That deserves a kick in the plums.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/12/2014 00:52

Gosh- I think I'm fairly laid back and I'd be panic struck about this. Mostly because I'd really worry about why DH thought this was OK. Could the front door be opened from the inside? What if DD had tried to get out? Or got up and turned on a hot tap in the bathroom?

This case is massively exacerbated by the fact that the two women were pissed and started fighting in the street. However, if your DH had got locked out or, God forbid, there was a fire, then he could have found himself charged too - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2813813/Drunken-mothers-left-toddlers-home-bingeing-white-wine-brawled-street-realised-d-locked-out.html

I think you need a calm but firm talk where he accepts absolutely that this was. not. on.

Treaclepot · 13/12/2014 01:03

Does she ever wake up?

scousadelic · 13/12/2014 01:09

It was stupid and could have been disastrous but, as long as he has realised that and will never do it again, I think you just have to accept that he made a mistake and move on

lunar1 · 13/12/2014 01:32

I couldn't forgive this. It's a hideous catch 22 though isn't it. If you leave the bastard some idiot in court would decide he had every right to have unsupervised contact with them.

I don't think I could ever trust him again, he has shown the worst misjudgment a parent can have.

Bulbasaur · 13/12/2014 01:51

My parents left us alone when they went on a walk around the neighborhood since we were very young, I believe my brother was still a toddler and I wasn't much older. They'd put us to bed and then go for a walk as the sun was setting. These were about 30-40 minute walks. Granted this was 20+ years ago, but nothing happened.

Your DH feels bad about it and learned his lesson. He made a bonehead move, but he was lucky there was no consequences to his actions. I'd try to let go and move on. Don't hesitate to leave him in charge again, or hold it over him (unless it's a teasing, playful way).

If it helps, the worst that realistically would have happened is she would have woken up and made an ungodly mess getting into everything. Look at [http://www.shitmykidsruined.com/ Shit My Kids Ruined] if you need a balanced view of what kids do when adults are sleeping or leaving them unsupervised.

Bulbasaur · 13/12/2014 01:52

Shit My Kids Ruined

Link fail.

Coyoacan · 13/12/2014 04:19

There are quite a few 4 to 5 year olds who walk themselves to school where I live, I guess it depends where you live. Not that I think its ok, because its not

Why is it not ok? I'm a grandmother now, but when I was a child there was only one obese child in my town whose mother walked him to school, the rest of us walked to school by ourselves after the first couple of days. And people loved and cared for their children just as much then as they do now.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 13/12/2014 04:25

Ok, it was definitely the wrong call to make but he knows that by the sound of it? As it stands she came to no harm. Are you confident he'll never do it again?

Don't succumb to the what ifs, scary yes but she is ok the important thing now is the future. Take a deep breath and let the flipping stomach go

ithoughtofitfirst · 13/12/2014 04:39

I'd forgive him and move on but only if i felt i'd got through to him how very very stupid his actions were and felt satisfied he would never do something similar again.

marcopront · 13/12/2014 04:49

You presumably knew that he would have to go out to pick up the older children. What did you expect him to do? Who arranged for him to give other people a lift?

Starlightbright1 · 13/12/2014 04:56

To be honest I would be furious...

How does he manage caring for daughter normally? I think as parents we have all done things we would do over but this is a serious lack of judgement.

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