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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset by this woman?

111 replies

AMumDoingHerBest · 12/12/2014 16:34

I don't even know what I hope to gain by posting this, I guess I just need to vent!

This morning I was sitting in a coffee shop with my DD who is 5 and has autism. She wasn't diagnosed until recently so I am trying to deal with everything and tbh I am struggling. However we go to this coffee shop every Friday and she always has the same thing - a kids hot chocolate with a marshmallow twirl thing.

Today however they had ran out of the marshmallows which DD was upset about but I was did my best to keep her calm and keep her preoccupied and did my best to prevent a meltdown. It worked for a while...I don't know if something else upset her but we had been sitting down for about five minutes when she suddenly started screeching loudly and banging her hands against the table.

I was doing my best to calm her down, really I was but she just wouldn't. Sad I was about to take her outside to let her calm down there but then I noticed that the woman sitting opposite me was scrunching up her face and had her hands over her ears. I also saw her shoot a dirty look in DD's direction. She then put her coat on and left.

I did manage to calm DD down by taking her outside and we also managed to finish our drinks and food but for some reason I just couldn't get this woman out of my head.

Fine if you didn't like the noise but was there really any need for her to cover her ears, scrunch up her face and throw us a dirty look? The worst thing is is that I know she left because of DD because she left half of her sandwich and most of her drink. That just made me feel even shittier.

I know I should just forget about it but I am still upset by this and I have no idea why.

My child has autism, what was her excuse for being a rude cow?

Sorry, I am just venting I know, don't mind me Sad.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/12/2014 17:43

Xmas what do you mean by 'You can try to stitch me up like a kipper if you want'?

londonrach · 12/12/2014 17:43

Afraid my dad would have to leave (covering ears first) as would my now deceased gran as high pitched sounds physically hurt those with hearing aids.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:44

Well can't was jumping in making out I had no sympathy for people with autism.

Which is quite rich.

Is it interrogate me day?

I didn't even do anything, just gave my opinion on the various scenarios possible here.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 12/12/2014 17:45

I see xmas. Sorry I couldn't tell if you were being serious or making fun of me or the OP or something Blush

Well tbh I am on MN a lot. I don't post a lot as I'm more of a forum browser than a forum poster but I admit that I do browse MN quite a lot so tbh it wasn't exactly going to be long before I noticed anyway.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 17:45

Oh right ok partridge either you are the actual woman in the op, or have posted to show people tge other side to this. Part of dd Autism is that she is very noise sensitive and carries headphones in case, Mabey partridge have you tried using them it helps dd.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/12/2014 17:47

I use headphones to try and block out background noise, it can be quite helpful. Doesn't always work with really high or loud noises though as I can't have the music too loud or it annoys me too

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:48

I totally understand about noise sensitivity. As I said I have misophonia and also can get v irritated by noise if stressed out so in past may have reacted in same way.

I do try not to though and am ashamed afterwards as I know it's not the fault of the person making the noise iyswim.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 12/12/2014 17:48

FWIW xmas I don't think you said anything hurtful or offensive.

Viviennemary · 12/12/2014 17:49

Somebody may have problems dealing with loud shrieking in a coffee shop. She may have had a sensitivity to noise.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:49

Sorry if am short fused here. .am very tired and DD keeps running taps. My name change has probably confused people too so I probably should have explained self better.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:50

Thanks partridge. I do hope not. I do see it from both sides.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 17:51

I recognised you fanjo Xmas Grin

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 12/12/2014 17:51

Aeroflotgirl well I was in a cafe this morning and did have to leave before I finished because there was a little girl making a noise and I just had to leave. So unless this is a huge coincidence and it was someone else then I'm pretty sure it was me.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:51

Also I should avoid cafe threads as I am still scarred by being told on one that my DD shouldn't go to a cafe as she has SN and makes loud noises.

CrohnicallyAnxious · 12/12/2014 17:51

Slight hijack here, but how do those of you with noise sensitivity cope when it's your child that is making the annoying noise?!

I really need some mechanisms for coping with DD (2), she has perfected a type of whinge that I just cannot cope with.

CheeseBuster · 12/12/2014 17:51

There's no reason to be ashamed xmas anymore than the OP should be of her daughter. It's not something you did on purpose to upset anyone.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:52

Well I am glad you two can get together and resolve it partridge and OP

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 17:54

Crohnically I can't actually stand when DD is squealing and whinging. Which is unfortunate as she is still non verbal at 8 so there's been a lot of it.

I actually cope with it by spoiling her, probably. So it's a good thing for her Grin

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/12/2014 17:54

I wish I had an answer to that one Crohnically. DD is 4 now so I do try to explain to her that certain noises hurt mummy's head! When she was little I would sometimes have to leave her in a (safe) room for a short time so I could calm down. DH is also a very hands on dad which helps.

Ohfourfoxache · 12/12/2014 17:55

[shock ] Xmas

Wtf? Your dd has just as much right to be in a cafe as anyone else Shock

mistymorningmemories · 12/12/2014 17:58

Chronically I have to leave the room. I am trying to teach dd1 (4yrs) that there's some noises that hurt me especially repetitive noises or sudden loud noises but I have to use the flight reaction as the fight reaction is obviously not appropriate!!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 17:58

Oh ok probably tge same one then partridge. Hopefully op and yourself can resolve matters, I guess you dident know her dd had ASD too!

FayKorgasm · 12/12/2014 18:01

Can I just say how lovely it was to read all the posters suggesting that perhaps the woman had autism herself (and I now see the woman confirmed it). Dd has autism and will one day be out in the world by herself hopefully and may well react the same way to the noises that effect her. Instead of judgement the posters here recognised that it was an out of the ordinary reaction. I know MN is only a small slice but inclusion of people with additional needs is an uphill struggle and it just warmed my heart to see such understanding.

Sorry for the hijack.

CrohnicallyAnxious · 12/12/2014 18:03

Guess I need to work on being able to calmly leave then. At least in the car it's not too bad as I turn the radio up and sing. And most other occasions I should be able to safely leave her. Loud or sudden noises I can cope with, repetition I can usually tune out, it's just this particular pitch and tone of whine. And unfortunately, she's usually doing the whine while clinging to my leg or climbing on my knee!

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 12/12/2014 18:06

If she sees the noise bothers you she will quickly learn to do it to help get heher own way so try to stay poker faced crohnically

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