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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh sleeping

35 replies

JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 16:19

I suspect I am, which is why I want to be told either way before o get rants at him Wink

Dh had an operation 3 weeks ago. He is fine and is recovering well, but is sleeping a huge amount. I understand that after an op you sleep a bit more but he has been sleeping very late (as in he is still fecking asleep now!?) and has this week missed 3 appointments with the nurse to change his dressing because he couldn't be arsed.

My patience is starting to wear a bit thin now, I don't think he needs so much sleep and it feels like he is milking it. Plus I am pretty pissed off that he keeps missing these appointments, his dressing hasn't been changed in 2 days now and he seems to think it's fine and told me he has some spare dressings (which are meant for the district nurse to use over the weekend) and that I can do it for him!

WIBU to give him a bollocking 1. for being a lazy bugger and 2. for not thinking about his health and wasting the surgeries time by cancelling appointments less than an hour before he's due to be there?

I fully accept that perhaps I would be Wink thanks Thanks

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 16:39

Nobody want to tell me what a horrible wife I am? Grin

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Mammanat222 · 12/12/2014 16:43

Is this sleeping a new thing? Since the Op?

Has he been back to work?

Is he actually OK? Shock

canweseethebunnies · 12/12/2014 16:45

I don't know about the sleeping, but HIBU to cancel his appointments and expect you to change his dressing! What would he do if you said no?

TheCowThatLaughs · 12/12/2014 16:53

What op did he have?

Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 16:58

The sleeping thing is sort of new, he's always been one to sleep late if he gets the chance which is why I'm inclined to think he is just being lazy since he knows he cam get away with it Grin

He is fine, honestly. He's not even taking any painkillers any more as he isn't in pain. He just got up a minute ago and got a bag of crisps Hmm

I won't change his dressing (even though I can) it's not my bloody job and there is only enough there for the nurse to use over the weekend.

Wrt the appointments I'm pretty annoyed. He basically couldn't be bothered getting up to go to them and the only reason he cancelled them is because I made him, otherwise he would have just not showed Angry I think he's being ridiculous in that respect.

He hasn't worked for about 7 months, was unable to due to his back which is why he got the op and should be ready to get a new job in the new year according to the surgeon.

I understand he needs to take it easy but I'm getting a bit annoyed with him sleeping til the evening and being so cavalier with his health. He's been to the appointments that were in the afternoon, he just can't be arsed to get up if the time doesn't suit him Hmm

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 17:00

It was an op for pilonidal sinus, he has a small open wound that needs packed and dressed daily until it heals.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 12/12/2014 17:01

Is he awake all night, then?

maleenteringfemalefacilities · 12/12/2014 17:04

I had one of those and had to go for dressings for about 6 weeks, they did the dressings clinic before A&E every morning in the local hospital, so my appointments were never later than 8.30 (some were 7.30).

He might be sleeping if he's fighting off infection - but if that's the case, then changing the dressing regularly is essential - so he needs to get out of bed for that!

If there is no infection (and I doubt it, they will be keeping an eye out for it at the dressings clinic) then he's being a lazy arse (lying in a sweaty bed will not help healing)

Get him up!!

maleenteringfemalefacilities · 12/12/2014 17:06

Sorry, the reason I posted my dressing appointment times was to show that the clinic expected me to be up at those hours, so sleeping all hours must not be a common effect of that op.

DorothyBastard · 12/12/2014 17:09

What time is he going to bed in the evening/morning?

clam · 12/12/2014 17:09

I had a pilonidal sinus many years ago. Still shake when I think about it!

BUT, your dh is being bloody stupid if he mucks about with the dressing changes. Keeping the wound clean and freshly packed is vital to recovery -yes, it bloody hurts, but three weeks on, it shouldn't be as bad as the initial changes.

Sleeping - dunno, sounds odd to me. Don't recovery times after GAs depend partly on the length of time you were under for the op, or am I making that up? Anyway, I had surgery for a badly broken leg last year and was out for three hours. Whilst I was quite wobbly and emotional for several weeks afterwards, I don't remember sleeping during the day at all in too much pain for a start.

Storytown · 12/12/2014 17:13

He might not be still ill from the surgery, but unless he's up all night, he's not "well" if he's regularly sleeping in until after 4pm.

It's a vicious circle because being jobless, in pain and feeling lazy doesn't help our metal health, but also makes it harder to motivate ourselves to do the things we need to to improve our mental health but are you really sure he's just being lazy?

Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 17:13

Yes he is up late, not all night though.

Good to know that I'm not being a total cow anyway! His earliest appointment is at 8.50 at the gp which involves leaving at 8 to get there via public transport.

I might have a chat with the nurse that comes tomorrow and see if they can knock some sense into him.

On the plus side, he has lived with this for years and it was starting to affect his spine and causing a lot of pain so he is now able to stand up straight without wincing and looks skinnier because he is no longer slouching. It is odd though, I'd almost forgotten he is a foot taller than me Grin

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 17:17

He's been going to bed about 2-3 ish. And spending a lot of time watching films. I've spoken to him already about whether he feels okay in himself (mh wise) and he is a bit bored but otherwise is happy enough and is dying to get a new job.

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 18:24

I expect the nurse will probably have something to say about him missing dressing changes when she comes tomorrow. He just doesn't seem to see it as an issue Confused

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PowderMum · 12/12/2014 18:45

I know nothing of your DH op but can say that it takes me ages to get over a General Anaesthetic. I think at 3 weeks post op I'd still be struggling to get to an appointment every morning leaving at 8am.
Do you want him to recover?

Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 18:50

Obviously I do Powder but how is that going to happen if he just sleeps all the time and misses essential appointments? Confused

If he was generally unwell apart from sleeping (and wasn't telling me he couldn't be arsed to get up to go to the nurse) then I wouldn't be asking. I don't want to give him shit for being tired, but if he's just being lazy then I need to in order to make sure he gets the medical care he needs

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 18:53

And I am totally happy to be told I'm being a bitch if I am btw, I'm not nagging him to get up, I'll ask him nicely a couple times and then leave him to sleep. I'm not his mum Grin

But if he shouldn't be sleeping so much I need to tell him that or tell his hcps so they can find out what is wrong Wink

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purplemurple1 · 12/12/2014 19:00

Hard to say if it's the ga my OH literally woke up ans went to work after two ops on his shoulder in the spring. And continued to work ft except to go to dressing appointments.

He does sound like he is milking it if he can stay up late to watch films he can't be that tired or unwell.

Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 19:12

I think I'm going to have to talk to the nurse tomorrow and ask, I can't go with him to the surgery in the week so this is the only chance I'll get to say something.

I'll leave off the bollocking til I know what they think Wink I don't want to give him hell if he actually can't help it, but I'm fairly sure he is just being lazy!

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TheCowThatLaughs · 12/12/2014 19:50

As others have said, he needs to be really careful to keep the wound clean and look after it, which unfortunately involves daily dressings in this case.

Littlef00t · 12/12/2014 19:59

Sounds like being off has shifted his body clock. I personally think you need to get tough, he's never going to get a job if he can't get out of bed.

2-3am going to bed, no wonder he's not getting up until early evening.

At least if he went to sleep at 10pm he'd be up by noon. I presume he hasn't seen sunlight in several weeks, can't help him either...

StripedCandycaneOss · 12/12/2014 20:06

dressing changes can be a pita, DH had a 3rd degree burn this year that i was having to do the dressing changes on because he refused to go the surgery more than once a week for the nurses to mess with it.

I made him get up so i could do it at my convenience, not his!

Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 20:34

Yes but going to bed at 2 and getting up at nearly 5? That's 15 hours, is that not a massive amount of sleep Shock

I won't change it myself, if he'd gone to the surgery today he would've been given extra dressings but as it is he just doesn't have enough for me to do it. It involves poking a bit of packing into the wound too which, though I can do it, I don't know what I'm looking for when I remove the old packing and wouldn't know if it was okay or not. I've changed the actual dressing part a couple of times when it's come off in the shower but the packing is another story.

I'm happy to let him sleep more if necessary as long as he goes to his appointments, but I don't think he needs to be sleeping quite so much. and he's been in good spirits and not at all unwell when he is awake which makes me suspicious, whether rightly so or not

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Original poster
JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 12/12/2014 20:35

Also he's been off for months and was getting up to do the school run all that time, so it's not his body clock I don't think, he's only been doing this for the past week or so Hmm

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