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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to have to organise my own hen do??

43 replies

senna123 · 11/12/2014 20:20

I have 4 bridesmaids and even though they don't know each other very well we have all met up a handful of times so they can all bond.

I asked my maid of honour to organise the hen do and gave her some ideas. She said she wanted to organise it with me so that it was something that I liked.. that is fine.. I went to hers a few months ago and we went through everything. Months later and still nothing has been done. I messaged a few places that we had been talking about and they are all fully booked. The wedding isn't until next Summer but as I suspected everything gets booked very early for this popular season.

AIBU to think it is a sorry affair having to plan my own hen even though I have what I thought was 4 very good friends as friends? Or is this normal and I should just get on with it with no bad feeling?

Please help!

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 11/12/2014 20:25

I think the clue will be in your statement about how the wedding isn't until next Summer ... It'll be difficult to get people to spend money or pay deposits at the moment with it being Christmas Smile Try to relax and trust her.

kissmethere · 11/12/2014 20:29

There's still time give them a chance. It may not be what you discussed but I'd be dropping some hints as of new year once Christmas bussle is over.
I don't think it's on to organise it yourself you've got to concentrate on the wedding. Having said that, are your expectations realistic is that why maybe it's not moved forward?

tumbletumble · 11/12/2014 20:34

If I were your bridesmaid I think next summer would feel like a long way away and I'd be planning to get Christmas sorted first!

Original poster
senna123 · 11/12/2014 20:35

Thank you both. I suppose the Summer is far away.. I don't think I am being unrealistic with expectations.. maybe slightly the opposite? I got in trouble on our last meet up that I wasn't being specific enough about what I wanted. My initial approach is that I don't mind what it is and have offered ideas but .. ahhh don't seem to win either way. I will just wait and have my fingers crossed

OP posts:
MulledWineMincePie · 11/12/2014 20:36

you have already been discussing this for months? so, like, maybe a year before your wedding? really? that's so very bridezilla... Shock

Original poster
senna123 · 11/12/2014 20:39

actually it isn't bridezilla.. most of my friends have talked about their wedding plans/hens for years as general chit chat. I haven't been bridezilla at all. All I am asking is if it is okay to organise your own hen or if that is a bit despressing

OP posts:
DamselNotInHerDress · 11/12/2014 20:43

I'm organising a hen do for next April.
Bride will be giving me a list of people to invite and addresses in January - there's plenty of time!
We are going rather low key though, afternoon tea somewhere, drinks, dinner and a bar. Nothing really needs booking that far in advance, she's very laid back and doesn't mind where we go so there are loads of options.
What do you have in mind that's already booked up?

DamselNotInHerDress · 11/12/2014 20:44

By the way, you shouldn't have to organise it all yourself, but relax a bit and accept that it's a long way away! They'll sort you out with a good night out I'm sure.

Original poster
senna123 · 11/12/2014 20:44

thank you Damsel! err some male life drawings Blush

thanks though my mind has been put at ease and Il stop overreacting/panicking!

OP posts:
crumblebumblebee · 11/12/2014 20:45

I don't think YABU for not wanting organise your own hen but it's ages away. It's fine to make plans and chat about it but cementing plans does not need to be done right now. Wait till Christmas blows over.

Hassled · 11/12/2014 20:45

I think you've jumping the gun a bit here saying you'll have to organise it yourself - there is still time, and no-one will be doing anything now until Christmas is done and dusted. Maybe give a gentle hint in January?

DaisyFlowerChain · 11/12/2014 20:48

I organised my own as wanted something low key and didn't want to put costs on the guests.

Don't make a big deal out of it, having had to listen to wedding plans of work colleagues the year or two does drive you to distraction when it's always a topic of conversation.

WD41 · 11/12/2014 20:52

Well, I organised my own but then it didn't take much organising as it was just a low key meal and drinks.

I do think you should give her a chance, your wedding is months away and people are focusing on christmas right now, not your wedding

Playthegameout · 11/12/2014 20:52

I agree, most people will be focusing on Christmas, so in January have a little get together with wine for a planning session. Just try to relax about it. I planned mine with my bridesmaids (also had 4), we all discussed what to do then took responsibility for one activity. No one felt overwhelmed. Everything was booked by the start of February for May, no problems even with a large party.

Original poster
senna123 · 11/12/2014 20:54

Thanks everyone freak out is now over x x x x

OP posts:
frumpet · 11/12/2014 21:00

Personally i would wait until the beginning of Feb, let people get the first after Christmas pay day and then start discussing spending money Xmas Wink

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 11/12/2014 21:03

I organised my own, but then I didnt want bridesmaids, so it seemed appropriate.

Why dont you just sort it?

HappyAgainOneDay · 11/12/2014 21:09

What's the matter with an impromptu visit to a local pub..... for your hen night? Why do they have to cost hundreds and a trip away somewhere. Getting married itself costs money so use what's saved after a simple hen night on something you really need like a bed.

SilentAllTheseYears · 11/12/2014 21:15

It's your wedding, therefore it's your responsibility. Why should your friends do it?

Jewels234 · 11/12/2014 21:16

I have this problem. My friends keep asking me what the deal is with the hen, as my bridesmaids obviously haven't organised anything yet.

I would speak to you MOH, ask her if she needs any help. And relax, it rreally is a long time away, it will be fine.

elliejjtiny · 11/12/2014 21:25

I organised my own. I thought that was normal (feel hard done by now Grin). Mine was simple though, the hardest part was sorting out a date when everyone was free. We just went out for a meal at pizza hut. Very tame but my maid of honour had just had an operation and my 14 year old sister was desperate to be a part of it so I picked something we could all go to.

Mrsstarlord · 11/12/2014 21:38

I organised my own too. Night at a salsa club, good night out. Never even crossed my mind to expect someone else to do it for me!

Writerwannabe83 · 11/12/2014 22:03

I organised my own. I would never have expected one of my bridesmaids to do it, why should they? It was just a hen night, it really wasn't a big enough deal for me to get all precious about. In the grand scheme of everything it's not really that important.

SeasonsEatings · 11/12/2014 22:10

I organised mine. Including booze delivery despite not drinking. (Knocked up).

Crack on and enjoy x

MidniteScribbler · 11/12/2014 22:17

Male life drawings? Seriously? I can't think of a worse way to spend an afternoon. What's wrong with a few drinks at a pub?

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