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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider letting 8 year old DD change her name?

105 replies

EmmalinaC · 10/12/2014 14:39

Her name is Elsa.

We chose it for her because it's beautiful and classic and unusual without being weird.

She was thrilled when Frozen first came out but in the past year she has been made completely miserable by the constant, relentless let-it-go-do-you-wanna-build-a-snowman comments and teasing.

I know it's a hugely popular film, Elsa is a princess not a reindeer and DD even looks like an Elsa so it probably seems very harmless but it's not just other children - even adults (including her swimming teacher every lesson) comment and sing to her.

She's always been very confident and resilient - she's been teased about her glasses for years but she thinks they make her look clever so it's water off a duck's back! - but this is really, really getting her down.

She goes to a good school and has a fantastic teacher who I know will deal with it within her class group and make it stop - but that's only a small part of the problem when it comes from everyone she meets - and everyone thinks they're being terribly original and witty!

Last night DH took her to the panto at Wimbledon Theatre and she was asked if she wanted to be one of the children who goes onto the stage with Tim Vine. She got really upset and flatly refused which is very unlike her. When DH asked her why she said 'the first thing he will do is ask me my name, then he'll make a joke about it, and the whole theatre will laugh at me.'

This morning she asked me if she could change her name to something similar like Ellie or Ella, or use her middle name, which is pretty and unremarkable.

I can't see that this is going to end any time soon because Frozen Frenzy shows no sign of abating and I don't know how to help her deal with it so AIBU to consider letting her change her name? Or use a different name when she meets new people?

Makes me Sad that the name we chose for her is making her so sad and embarrassed.

OP posts:
SoonToBeMrsB · 10/12/2014 14:45

She could use her middle name without having to legally change it. In fact, I went to school with a guy and didn't know until we were about 17 that his first name was actually the same as his dad's, but his parents had used his middle name for everything his entire life!

SpringBreaker · 10/12/2014 14:45

It's a lovely name and I would bet a lot of her friends who are obsessed by frozen would like to be called elsa. I am sure most kids go through a stage of wanting another name (and I reckon many at the moment wish theirs was elsa!!)

Tell her she can't change her name, but maybe she could shorten it a little.. I have a friend called elsa and everyone knows her as El..and she's been El for about 20 years now.

It's a phase your daughter will get past.

Lucked · 10/12/2014 14:45

Why not go by Elsie for just now, it's a legitimate nickname for Elsa.

Failedspinster · 10/12/2014 14:46

It will all die down eventually but meanwhile why not let her introduce herself as Ellie (or similar) when meeting new people. It needn't be a formal name change, just using a convenient nickname for now.

Meanwhile why not encourage her to greet the latest joke with, "yes, I get that a lot these days" and roll her eyes at the sheer unoriginality of it - that way the joker, not your Elsa, will be the butt of the joke. I'd also have a word with the teacher and explain that, although Elsa has taken the jokes in good part up to now, it's getting overwhelming for her and perhaps ask the teacher to quash any similar joking that occurs in her presence.

TiggerLillies · 10/12/2014 14:46

Poor girl, do you mean change it legally? I swore from 9yrs I'd change my name when I could. I did at 19 (just didn't like the previous name and done teasing for it). Maybe she could try just being known as a different name in the mean time and seeing how that goes?

SoonToBeMrsB · 10/12/2014 14:48

Ellie could be used as a nickname for Elsa, I doubt anyone would question it. Just let her go by that Smile

StripedCandycaneOss · 10/12/2014 14:52

just let her go with Ellie for now :)

Number3cometome · 10/12/2014 14:56

Thing is, everyone is still going to know her name is Elsa, so what would it change?

You would have a hard task getting all the kids to change her name, but you could introduce her to anyone new as Ellie or by her middle name?

It's a shame for her really as she is so young, but I wouldn't consider legally changing her name over it.

It is a beautiful name and in time the craze will change.

It was Beauty and Beast when I was younger, there will always be a very popular name.

Best of luck.

CaptainAnkles · 10/12/2014 14:59

Ellie is a perfectly reasonable nickname for Elsa - if she likes that, start calling her it and see if she gets used to it and wants to use it.

PurpleSwift · 10/12/2014 14:59

I wouldn't be jumping to legally change it. I'm bit sure how much changing it will help. Surely changing her name at school in pointless and will only draw more attention to her. I don't think it would be unreasonable for her to introduce herself as "Ella" or whatever when meeting now people though. Especially people she most likely won't meet again.

Whatsthewhatsthebody · 10/12/2014 14:59

Oh bless her it's a beautiful name and my guess is this frozen obsession has reached the peak now and will die off after Christmas.

My dh works with an adult harry potter. Poor bastard.

WD41 · 10/12/2014 15:04

You can't change an 8yo's name because of a film!

Everybody will know she used to be called Elsa and changed it, which I would have thought would just invite even more teasing

I can't believe you're even considering it tbh

Hakluyt · 10/12/2014 15:07

If she wants to, let her. It's her name after all, and her that has to deal with it on a day to day basis.

Hatespiders · 10/12/2014 15:09

My parents gave me a very regal name. I never liked it much and got teased because I'm not pretty and had rickets as a child (very bandy legs) so this posh name was totally inappropriate. Even the diminutives of this blasted name are silly in the extreme. But when I began horse-riding, for some reason people started calling me the name of my favourite horse! It's not even a female name, and I'm still known by that nowadays. (I'm 70) I have to think hard to remember my real name for forms and so on.

I should just call your dd 'Ellie' because this Frozen thing will be a nine days' wonder, mark my words.

Lostriver · 10/12/2014 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youareallbonkers · 10/12/2014 15:12

She is going to have to get used to things like this I'm afraid. There is always going to be something. It sounds as though people are not doing it to be mean.

TheBoysMamma · 10/12/2014 15:16

I'm shocked that her swimming teacher does this every lesson, is it worth politely explaining that this upsets your daughter?
I'm not sure about changing her name though as a previous poster said everyone will still know her real name so it might not help

Ericaequites · 10/12/2014 15:17

Calling your daughter by a different name is reasonable. My father has used his godfather's confirmation name for so long that I didn't know his legal first name until I was eight.

Andrewofgg · 10/12/2014 15:18

Oh ffs I had to put up with teasing about Andy Pandy and that ran for years which thus won't. Don't do it.

hissingcat · 10/12/2014 15:19

What if she starts using her middle name and it's the same as the next big Disney character? Would she have to change it again?

Original poster
EmmalinaC · 10/12/2014 15:21

Thanks for the replies. We often call her Ella at home (we used to call her Belly but I won't be suggesting she goes with that!) maybe I'll suggest she uses that when she meets new people.

And bonkers yeah, next time it upsets her I'll tell her to man up [hmmm]

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 10/12/2014 15:22

I would let her use her middle name if she wants to for now. Someone I went to school with did that and most people didn't even know it was her middle name.

HSMMaCM · 10/12/2014 15:23

I also have a 'film name' and hear the same song over and over again.

thatsmyname123 · 10/12/2014 15:25

What a shame, it's such a beautiful name! Agree with post encouraging her to roll her eyes and say "I've never heard that before" or "and no, I don't want to build a snowman" would have a word with swim teacher too, what an immature idiot!

TInselaffe · 10/12/2014 15:26

YANBU.

People use their middle names for all sorts of reasons. FWIW I have a very unusual first name. You spell it how it sounds but for some reason people just can't! I have given up giving my name in Starbucks etc. and just use my middle name (a flower name) as everyone knows that. I use either depending on the situation and no one cares.

I would tell her she could choose a nickname from Elsa or use her middle name and also that by the time she has grown up people will have forgotten Frozen... No one I meet now comments on such-and-such a name being from a childhood film normal names only, obvs if you call your child Leia or Han all bets are off!