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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to consider letting 8 year old DD change her name?

105 replies

EmmalinaC · 10/12/2014 14:39

Her name is Elsa.

We chose it for her because it's beautiful and classic and unusual without being weird.

She was thrilled when Frozen first came out but in the past year she has been made completely miserable by the constant, relentless let-it-go-do-you-wanna-build-a-snowman comments and teasing.

I know it's a hugely popular film, Elsa is a princess not a reindeer and DD even looks like an Elsa so it probably seems very harmless but it's not just other children - even adults (including her swimming teacher every lesson) comment and sing to her.

She's always been very confident and resilient - she's been teased about her glasses for years but she thinks they make her look clever so it's water off a duck's back! - but this is really, really getting her down.

She goes to a good school and has a fantastic teacher who I know will deal with it within her class group and make it stop - but that's only a small part of the problem when it comes from everyone she meets - and everyone thinks they're being terribly original and witty!

Last night DH took her to the panto at Wimbledon Theatre and she was asked if she wanted to be one of the children who goes onto the stage with Tim Vine. She got really upset and flatly refused which is very unlike her. When DH asked her why she said 'the first thing he will do is ask me my name, then he'll make a joke about it, and the whole theatre will laugh at me.'

This morning she asked me if she could change her name to something similar like Ellie or Ella, or use her middle name, which is pretty and unremarkable.

I can't see that this is going to end any time soon because Frozen Frenzy shows no sign of abating and I don't know how to help her deal with it so AIBU to consider letting her change her name? Or use a different name when she meets new people?

Makes me Sad that the name we chose for her is making her so sad and embarrassed.

OP posts:
gingee · 11/12/2014 01:03

Can't she just introduce herself as Elle to new people ?? Changing her name will just cause more drama and teasing with kids who already job she's called Elsa. In a year no one will bother with Frozen. I know a girl called Isadora, known as Dora, when Dora The Explorer first got big that was ALL she got called. It really pissed her off, she's about 14 now and no one mentions Dora a The Explorer. For example at the pantomime, your dd could have gone onstage and said 'my name is Elle' no problems, it's just a nickname for Elsa. When she meets other kids or starts a new hobby and introduces herself she says she's called Elle. A few weeks down the line when she knows people better she can say 'oh it's Elle, short for Elsa actually, isn't that funny!'

It's just like when your child makes a new friend called Coco or Libby or Jon or Mimi - my dd is friends with all these through sports or school, they are Nicole, Elizabeth, Jonathan and Miriam, just prefer to be known by their nicknames

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 11/12/2014 01:08

I wouldn't change her name, no. I'd arm her with some comebacks. As she's 8 I assume she's already quite good at rolling her eyes (I know I was, it resulted in a lot of being told off!!). I'd also let her know it was ok to tell a little white lie about her name for things where no one knows her.

I would also have a word with her teacher and ask her to keep an ear out for it and a Very Firm Word with her swimming teacher and any other fuckwitted adult lacking the intelligence to work out that she's probably mighty fed up if it by now!

Poor wee thing, but it will pass soon enough.

MidniteScribbler · 11/12/2014 01:15

Just let her call herself Ellie or Elsie or El, something like that.

bluesbaby · 11/12/2014 02:08

I had the same at school. Huge huge Disney movie, later a TV show, one of the main characters with my name. I've received many, many lame jokes and been sung at more times than I can remember.
I rarely get it these days, only with really dense adults or tiny children who are "new" to the story.
At least it's a nice character to be compared to - Elsa is great! I'd just keep reminding your daughter of that, and teach her to ignore the stupid remarks.

TheNewStatesman · 11/12/2014 02:16

Good responses here. And yes, I would definitely have a word with the swimming teacher--it's very immature behavior on their part.

It will all die down eventually.

OrangeOwl · 11/12/2014 05:47

I didn't like the way my parents pronounced my name so I always introduce myself as the more common pronunciation. You can also sing a song with my name which I used to get. My surname was the same as a male tv character so I used to get comments about that.

My Mum didn't like her name so used her middle name her whole life. DS1 has a name which can be associated with something he was sometimes teased about and DS2 has a name which some people find difficult to say or spell.

I think many names can at some time can draw attention. Having strategies to deal with that, as others have suggested, might be better than officially changing a name which could draw even more attention. As many posters have said, the Frozen craze will probably all die down soon.

FWIW I didn't even know the Frozen character's name until I came on this thread and I couldn't sing the song if you paid me! Elsa is a lovely name BTW.

lolalotta · 11/12/2014 06:23

Is be fuming at swim teacher!!

Eminybob · 11/12/2014 07:30

I agree that she can call herself anything she wants, others will get used to it. I went to primary school with a Roberto (Portuguese family) and when we moved to secondary school he started using Robert.

If anyone who knew him at primary said anything, he would just say, don't you think I would know what my own name is? Eye roll.

QTPie · 11/12/2014 08:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 11/12/2014 08:13

I agree with others. She can just start using Ellie as a nickname for Elsa. It's used commonly enough as a name that very few people, if any, will ask what it's short for. No need to go with a completely different name.

christmasmarchpane · 11/12/2014 11:38

It's up to you if you want to change her name but I wouldn't bother.

Elsa isn't an unusual name at all, plus lots of Elizabeths are also known as Elsa. It's not like it's Merida or Cinderella. I'd take comfort in the fact that Elsa seems to be soaring in popularity as a given name, and will look out for the next baby name stats with interest to see just how much it has risen.

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 11:45

"It's up to you if you want to change her name but I wouldn't bother."

No it's not, it's up the child. Her name, her choice.

christmasmarchpane · 11/12/2014 11:53

"No it's not, it's up the child. Her name, her choice."

I disagree. She's only eight years old. And ultimately, if changing the name formally, the parent will need to be on board with the decision to do that.

I still don't think it's necessary, personally. Elsa's not an unusual name by any means and I can see this getting extremely even more popular.

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 12:00

"I disagree. She's only eight years old. And ultimately, if changing the name formally, the parent will need to be on board with the decision to do that."

I don't think anyone's talking about changing it formally, are they? Just her calling herself something else for a while. And that most definitely is her choice. Apart from anything else, how would you stop her? Never mind the why would you stop her!

Roussette · 11/12/2014 12:05

Ridiculous... don't even think about doing it, it'll be yesterday's news in no time.

FWIW have to say, my name was VERY current with a TV programme when I was this age and I used to get teased but it was a short moment in time. Don't want to out myself saying what it was but the programme went on for far longer than this film will and I learnt to brush it off - a valuable life lesson.

As for 'up to the child, her name, her choice', do children get to choose everything whatever their age ? They don't have the understanding that these things don't last and need support from parents for any bullying but can't go through life thinking you have to fix everything. My DCs got teased for their surname, they learnt to cope with it and now love their different surname.

Besides that, Elsa is a beautiful name.

Pelicangiraffe · 11/12/2014 12:07

I wouldn't officially change her name. Instead ask everyone including teachers to call her Elsie or Elle which could easily pass as a nick name for Elsa

christmasmarchpane · 11/12/2014 12:09

The parent, of such a young child, will still need to be on board with the decision for it to work, whether changing formally or not.

The child can call herself whatever she likes, obviously...

Pelicangiraffe · 11/12/2014 12:09

Really you could use Elle as a nickname much in the same way Jo is short for Joanne or flo for Florence

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 12:12

It matters a lot to the child. Why on earth not let her do it? I honestly don't get this power trip people go on with their children's names.

It's making her unhappy. She wants to be called something else. Calling her something else is easy. No brainer.

DoItTooJulia · 11/12/2014 12:42

O, poor love.

You must tell the swm teacher to stop!

You could also approach the school about it, explain that the constant reference to the film gets her down and that she is considering changing her name because of it. See if they have any ideas for helping your dd.

But, ultimately, if she feels so strongly about it, I would absolutely consider letting her change it. Damaged self esteem at 8 is dangerous, so take her seriously.

I hope it works out for her.

pepperfish · 11/12/2014 23:07

I hated my name as a child. Hated it. In the early 80's it was unusual, even a bit weird. There were several phrases I would get repeated to me on a daily basis from people who thought they were hilariously funny. I was embrassed and sad and used to wonder why I couldn't have a 'normal' name like everyone else.

The funny thing is, now I'm older, I love it. It's pretty and it's different, just like 'Elsa', and it's all mine. I don't get people making stupid comments any more really, apart from 'oh gosh, how unusual!'. If I do get any odd comments, I've heard them all before so I have well rehearsed responses to each one and it really doesn't bother me anymore. In fact I quite enjoy having to explain it over the phone when it gets misheard!

I really wouldn't worry - the frozen hype won't last forever and I'm sure your dd will grow to love her name, just like I did :-)

Mehitabel6 · 12/12/2014 07:01

I am surprised that she hasn't just changed to a nickname without asking you- parents don't normally get the choice by that age.

Mehitabel6 · 12/12/2014 07:30

I am known by a nickname- I like it- whether my mother likes it or not was not a consideration!

SocialMediaAddict · 12/12/2014 07:35

Seems a bit OTT to change her name legally. Surely a nickname would work.

I was teased about my name a lot but learnt to shrug it off.

Mehitabel6 · 12/12/2014 07:36

Just a nickname and she can change back if she wants to.